Everyone experiences life transitions as they shift into a new chapter or role in their life. Some common examples are attending a new school, getting a new job, becoming a parent, getting married, losing someone, moving homes, opening a business, surviving a pandemic, and retiring. Since these life transitions are common and a lot of people experience them you may feel that you should be able to deal with it on your own since everyone else seems to. Just because others have experienced similar life transitions, it does not mean that it will be easy for you and you should not feel like you have to do it alone. In this blog I will discuss some common life transitions and how to cope with them. These coping tools can also apply to any life transition you are going through.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, and life transitions. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing telehealth (video/phone) sessions to residents of New Jersey and New York.
Attending a new school:
This is for anyone who is about to enter high school, college, graduate school, or is transitioning to a new school in general. There is a lot of excitement and anxiety that comes along with attending a new school. The fear of the unknown is real in which you don’t know what your teachers will be like or how hard the coursework will be. You may be moving locations in order to attend this school, which also can cause more worries as to how the living situation will be. You may find yourself worrying if you will fit in and if you will make friends at your new school. All of these thoughts and worries are typical to have as you transition to a new school environment. You are not alone and these thoughts are very normal to have.
If you find that these thoughts are overwhelming and it has you questioning if you can make it through this transition to attend a new school then you’ll need some extra support as you make this transition. It is helpful to have someone else to talk to through this transition, especially someone who has experienced it before. Talk to older peers who attend the school already and can give you more insight to the school and what you’re about to enter. Ask your parents or guardians for support as you make this transition. Plan times to catch up with your friends to lean on each other as you make this similar transition together. Talk to a professional counselor who specializes in helping students. If you have a strong support system in place as you enter your new school then you will have people to fall back on in times of need and stress. This will help you get through the tough parts until you feel more settled and comfortable at your new school.
Getting a new job:
If you are changing jobs or changing careers entirely then you may feel anxious about this change. You don’t know if you made the best decision for yourself. Will the grass will truly be greener on the other side? You wish you could see into the future to predict if you made the best decision for yourself. Since this is not possible, you find yourself worrying if your decision to enter this new job is the right decision. You want to remind yourself of all of the reasons as to why you are entering a new job. What attracted you to this job? What do you hope to get out of this job? If the main goal is to just get money then that is valid too. It’s important to check in with yourself as to why you chose this next step in your career and remind yourself that you chose it for a reason. You also are never stuck in one place forever. If this job does not work out then you can always find another one. While that may sound stressful to find another job in the future, it is still an option that you can always make if needed.
In the time leading up to your new job you may feel excited and anxious. you may be contemplating if you’re the best fit for this job. Imposter syndrome is real and you may feel like you aren’t truly capable of succeeding in this new role. Everyone feels this way on some level. No one really knows what they’re doing until they’re doing it. You have to trust that you will learn on the job and that they hired you for a reason. Once you start the new position, go easy on yourself. There is always a learning curve with every job and it takes time to learn how the company runs and what you need to know for your role. Lean on your support system to help support you through your first weeks or months as you adjust to this new role. Balance it with some fun activities outside of working hours since it can be exhausting to learn so much new information at once.
becoming a parent:
When you find out that you are expecting a baby, you may feel a huge mix of emotions. You may feel ecstatic to welcome a new member into your family, you may feel a sense of relief if you have been trying hard to get pregnant, you may feel scared if this was unplanned, or you may feel worried that your life is about to change in a big way. All of these emotions and more are valid. Bringing a baby into this world is a huge life transition. It is something that every parent experiences, but that does not make it easy. Having a great support system is very important to have. This could include doctors, a midwife, a sleep nurse, a licensed mental health therapist, a nanny, your parents, local parent groups, and friends. If you don’t have a great support system then you will want to have at least one person you can lean on for support as you transition into the role of a parent. It could be helpful to look into local parent Facebook groups that are filled with helpful parents or soon-to-be-parents in your same position.
If you find yourself worrying “What if…” thoughts about all of the things that could go wrong then it could be helpful to find a licensed therapist to support you through this life transition. Becoming a parent can cause a lot of stress, depression, and anxiety symptoms. There is a type of therapy called CBT (Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy) that can help with these symptoms. A mental health therapist would use CBT to help you reframe and challenge your worried or negative thoughts. The goal would be to first notice you are experiencing these thoughts popping into your head. You would next see how these thoughts are making you feel (i.e. sad or worried). The last step is figuring out what to do about these thoughts and challenge them. An example is if you are worried that your baby will get sick or injured - this causes you to feel worried and anxious - and it could lead to you calling your pediatrician 10 times a day asking about your concerns about what could happen. If you ask yourself, “Is my baby actually sick or hurt?” then the answer would be no. And you can realize that this is just a worried thought and nothing more. This example is a small example of how CBT works. The best treatment is to seek out a licensed counselor who is specialized in CBT to get the most out of it.
These coping tools mentioned can apply to all life transitions. Whatever you are going through, you should know that you are not alone. You should also know that every person is different and it is okay to struggle with a life transition. Life transitions are typically the most stressful times in our lives. Having a baby, planning a wedding, or moving homes are definitely up there with top stressful moments to experience. They can also be the most joyous moments in your life. If you find that you cannot enjoy a life transition at all and that you are filled with fear or dread then it could be very beneficial to reach out to a licensed mental health therapist to help you get through the transition and to feel better about it.
Courtney Glashow, LCSW
is a licensed psychotherapist practicing in Hoboken, New Jersey. She specializes in helping teens and adults with anxiety, depression, and life transitions through counseling. Courtney can help NY or NJ residents through telehealth (video/phone) therapy sessions as well.
