As COVID-19 is coming to an end, everyone is adopting new changes yet again. While some people may be back in the office, others may be continuing to work remotely. People who were continuously surrounded by family or their ‘quarantine team’ for the past year and a half, may now be alone, getting back into the swing of a full-time schedule. Loneliness happens when you feel like your social and emotional needs are not being fulfilled. On the other hand, being alone can be a refreshing experience where you find much-needed serenity and solitude.
Simply put, loneliness is defined by a lack of something. This loneliness can stem from social loneliness and emotional loneliness. Social loneliness is when you feel that there is a deficit in your social connections with peers. Similarly, emotional loneliness deals with a deficit in the area of intimacy. Loneliness can occur when you notice a distinction between your desired and real levels of social involvement.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, and life transitions. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and telehealth (video/phone) sessions to residents of New Jersey and New York.
While symptoms of loneliness vary, it can include the following:
Interpersonal conflicts
Sadness
Low self-esteem
Mental distress
Loss of control
Negative coping mechanisms
Feelings of guilt
If you are having trouble figuring out if your alone time is actual loneliness, it could be helpful to reach out to a licensed psychotherapist who can help you identify your mental health needs. Continue to read to get some tips on how to be alone without being lonely.
1. Teletherapy: Social Distancing without Social Isolation
Although social distancing measures are being lifted, not everyone is in the position to re-enter society as quickly as we had to leave it in March 2020. During COVID-19, many therapists adapted to the changing times with teletherapy which reimagined social distancing. Anchor Therapy continues to offer counseling services via video sessions and phone sessions for clients who feel that this better fits their needs and/or schedules. Telehealth has not only been important during COVID-19, but it has permitted greater access to care overall.
Along with COVID-19, the world has witnessed a mental health crisis. Because of this, psychotherapy has been a crucial component in the response to mandated isolation. Public health measures have increased feelings of isolation and loneliness for people across the globe. This ongoing loneliness epidemic produces negative physical and psychological consequences.
Having a supportive licensed therapist, regardless of the telehealth or in-person status, is essential for optimal mental health. Working with an unbiased professional allows you to discover your thoughts, emotions, and behavioral patterns. It also provides you with the skills and mechanisms to cope with daily life and, more specifically, loneliness.
2. Moderating Emotions and Social Anxiety:
While loneliness is already an overwhelming feeling, it can be even more difficult for those with social anxiety disorder. Just because you experience social anxiety, it does not mean that you should label yourself as “antisocial.” Instead, social interactions may decrease your energy. The resulting exhaustion impacts how often you can comfortably spend time with people.
People with social anxiety disorders can exhibit:
Fear or anxiety about social situations in which you are exposed to possibly being judged or made fun of by others.
Examples: social interactions, others observing you, and performing in front of others.
Avoidance of social situations that make you uncomfortable.
Distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
To ensure that you do not tire yourself out mentally and emotionally, it is important to learn how to manage your time and emotions.
Some examples of how to manage your time and emotions:
Say no to some social occasions to balance your mental state
Reflect on ‘people time’ versus ‘alone time’
Use technology to stay connected during alone time
Have a pet to help alleviate feelings of anxiety or loneliness
3. The Connection Between Loneliness and Substance Abuse
When loneliness hits, you may adopt coping mechanisms to deal with the feeling of emptiness. Unfortunately, it is easy to grow accustomed to negative actions that do not serve you; however, there is a way to avoid this or, if you are currently dealing with this situation, break the cycle. If you are experiencing problems due to your loneliness, meeting with a licensed counselor for substance abuse can be helpful.
Loneliness is often associated with increased cigarette smoking and problematic alcohol consumption. This link occurs because loneliness escalates dependence on substances. While it is not a causal condition, alcoholism has been shown to correlate with loneliness. Observational studies have proven that lonely people with heightened alcohol consumption are more likely to experience problems pertaining to alcoholism. While the reasons may vary on a person-to-person basis, they can typically be attributed to an absence of social support and/or community pressure.
In addition to substance abuse issues, loneliness can spark:
Depression
Alzheimer’s disease in old age
Chronic stress
Personality disorder
Poor sleep
4. Reframing Time Alone as ‘Me Time’
As mentioned previously, loneliness is attached to an emotional state where you feel alone or disconnected from your peers. This loneliness can occur even when people are right next to you. While loneliness is a feeling, being alone is a state of being. The distinction between the two is emotional attachment.
If you are suffering from loneliness and find yourself often spending time alone, try to reframe this time as ‘me time.’ In other words, this period becomes time well spent where you can center yourself. In addition to working with a licensed mental health counselor, you can use your time in solitude to assist in regulating emotions so that you are better prepared for dealing with unfavorable situations.
5. ‘Alone Time’ is Time Well Spent
Our perspective has a lot to do with how we feel about ‘alone time.’ If you view time with yourself as a chore, it is not going to be an enjoyable experience. Instead, shift the focus and understand that time by yourself is a vital part of self-development. It provides an opportunity to learn more about yourself and focus on what interests you. In our current world, it is easy to be focused on external measures and experience over-stimulation daily. To balance your energy, periods of restoration are needed.
‘Me’ time is a positive state that you should seek often. Some of the benefits of solitude are:
Freedom – Alone time gives you the chance to explore activities or topics that you find interesting. You have a freedom of choice that is not usually awarded in standard social environments.
Creativity – To practice creativity requires freedom. Being alone stimulates your imaginative side and gives you permission to ponder alternate identities which often leads to self-transformation.
Intimacy – Although you are alone, it is not unusual to experience feelings of intimacy during ‘me’ time. Solitude breeds opportunity for feelings of connection to arise.
Spirituality – The most popular association with solitude tends to be spirituality. Many tribal cultures require solitude for those who want to reach a higher level of consciousness. It is common for those who practice alone time to feel united with God, the universe, nature, or whatever major belief you hold.
For additional information, please view the following sources:
Long, C., & Averill, J. (2003). Solitude: An Exploration of Benefits of Being Alone. Journal for The Theory of Social Behaviour, 33, 21-44.
Luiggi-Hernandez, Jose G & Rivera-Amador, Andres I. (2020). Reconceptualizing social distancing: Teletherapy and social inequality during the COVID-19 and loneliness pandemics. Journal of Humanistic Psychology, 60, 626-638.
Mushtaq, R., Shoib, S., Shah, T., & Mushtaq, S. (2014). Relationship between loneliness, psychiatric disorders and physical health ? A review on the psychological aspects of loneliness. Journal of clinical and diagnostic research : JCDR, 8(9), WE01–WE4.
O'day, Emily B, Morrison, Amanda S, Goldin, Phillippe R, Gross, James J & Heimberg, Richard G. (2019). Social anxiety, loneliness, and the moderating role of emotion regulation. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 38, 751-773.
Russell, D. W., Cutrona, C. E., McRae, C., & Gomez, M. (2012). Is loneliness the same as being alone? The Journal of Psychology, 146(1-2), 7-22.
Wootton, Robyn E, Greenstone, Harriet S. R, Abdellaoui, Abdel, Denys, Damiaan, Verweij, Karin J. H, Munafo, Marcus R, et al. (2021). Bidirectional effects between loneliness, smoking and alcohol use: Evidence from a Mendelian randomization study. Addiction, 116, 400-406.
Victoria Scala
is an intern at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is currently an undergraduate student at the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark, looking to study Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. As an intern at Anchor Therapy, Victoria is committed to producing content for and managing the office’s social media presence and blog.
