While failure to launch syndrome is not a real mental health diagnosis, it is a very real phenomenon in the world of mental health. Failure to launch syndrome refers to young adults who remain dependent on their parents and/or caregivers instead of blossoming into independent, motivated adults. This has become an increasingly common occurrence and, luckily, there are ways to combat failure to launch syndrome.
As a parent, it can be heartbreaking and discouraging to see your child or teen struggle to transition to adulthood. You may be wondering if your child is just lazy or if you did something to inhibit their growth. While either or both of these factors may be present for your child, there are many influencing elements that can lead to failure to launch syndrome. When you pinpoint your child’s underlying cause for failure to launch syndrome, you know what your child has to work on specifically to build a life of his or her own. A life transitions therapist can help you and your family throughout this change.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, couples, and families with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
What exactly is failure to launch?
To be clear, ‘failure to launch’ is not necessarily a term that mental health counselors throw around often, but it is a common way to describe young adults who have a hard time fully transitioning into adulthood. Simply put, it is an adult’s inability to leave their childhood home and support themself financially, emotionally, and physically. If you are struggling with failure to thrive, you may feel ‘stuck’ in life or like you are not mature enough for your age.
Most young adults find specific life transitions to adulthood that can be encouraging, such as attending college, graduate school, or landing your first full-time job. However, these major life changes can cause other people to backslide. For example, your child may have graduated from college and secured a full-time job, but they still decided to move back home. While there are very understandable reasons for a child moving back home after college, such as saving money to get their own place to live or paying off their student loans, you may find that your child is spending their money wastefully while depending on you to clothe them, feed them, and care for their every need.
It is important to remember that, just because your son or daughter is living with you post-college, it does not mean that they are failing to launch. Failure to launch syndrome can only occur when your child is depending on you for a prolonged period of time without any progress or signs of motivation.
How do I know if my son or daughter is actually struggling with failure to thrive?
Here are some common symptoms of failure to launch syndrome:
Low levels of motivation
Low levels of persistence
Poor work ethic
Low distress tolerance
Failure to take responsibility for their actions
Not engaging in activities that require responsibility (school, employment, household tasks, volunteering, etc.)
High expectations of other people without reciprocating actions
Lack of vision (e.g., no short-term or long-term goals)
Lack of skills required for adulthood (e.g., cleaning, cooking, basic hygiene)
Narcissism
A young adult struggling with failure to launch may also not have the ability to regulate their emotions and may be experiencing low self-esteem. For more information, check out our blog “Do You Understand Your Self-Esteem?”. A child may begin to display signs of failure to launch during high school, during college, and even post-college graduation.
What causes failure to launch syndrome?
Each person struggling with failure to launch has unique reasons. Some young adults may be struggling with mental health disorders which impedes on their ability to function as a ‘normal’ adult. On the other hand, your child’s failure to thrive may have its roots in environmental factors. Societal issues can be at play as well as personality traits. There is no one person to blame for failure to launch.
Some causes of failure to thrive include the following:
Societal issues - The truth is that life is not straightforward. Your child may have big goals of landing a great job in a big city after working really hard in school and graduating from college, but the job market has other plans. You may be fighting against employment availability and even the general cost of living. But it is also important to note that employment status does not dictate full independence. Your child may still need to live at home after obtaining their first job due to a poor starting salary, high cost of living, and high student loan repayments. According to a 2020 Pew Research study, it is estimated that 52 percent of adults in the United States, ages 18 to 29 years old, live at home with their parents- the highest rate since the Great Depression. There are clearly many external reasons for this, from an economic downturn to the COVID-19 pandemic. For support, your child can read “Navigating Post-Grad Life: 9 Essential Insights for Recent College Graduates.”
Personality traits - If your child is struggling with trust issues and has a fear of intimacy, they may have a hard time forming the relationships needed for adulthood. Your child may also be struggling with boredom proneness- when your child desires independence but takes no steps towards achieving it. Alternatively, your son or daughter may also struggle with creating unrealistic goals and fail to take accountability for their actions.
Parenting and family components - Typically, it is an overstatement to say that parents are always and solely to blame for a young adult’s failure to thrive. With that being said, there are some parenting and family behaviors that contribute to someone’s failure to launch into adulthood. Whether intentional or unintentional, there are cues that children and teens pick up on which allows them to continuously rely on their parents. Of course parents should be a safe space for their children, but there is a line between loving and hurting your son or daughter. The more involved parents are in adulthood, the more dependent their children may become. If you are a parent struggling with feelings of guilt, our blog “How Therapy Can Alleviate Mom Guilt.”
Mental illness - Mental illness is one of the leading causes of failure to launch syndrome. If a young adult is or has experienced anxiety, depression, trauma, ADHD, and so on, flying the nest can feel seriously overwhelming. As much as they may desire independence, their mental health concerns keep them home. If young adults have experienced a significant loss, they may have issues living on their own. For example, if they lost one parent, they may feel some sense of guilt for leaving their other parent home all alone.
What role does mental health play in failure to launch syndrome?
Existing mental health issues play a significant role in the development and existence of failure to thrive. Mental health disorders alter a person’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviors which can make it hard for them to thrive independently.
Failure to launch syndrome is not limited to diagnosable mental health conditions. That is to say, your child may be struggling with other feelings or phenomenons.
Here are some examples of feelings your child may experience:
Avoidance (For more information on the attachment styles, read our blog “How Do The Four Attachment Styles Impact Romantic Relationships?”)
Imposter syndrome (Read “7 Ways to Combat Imposter Syndrome” for support)
Fear of failure
Uncertainty intolerance
Toxic perfectionism (Read “7 Ways to Let Go of Control Issues” for guidance on how to overcome perfectionist tendencies)
For some young adults, a particularly traumatic childhood, such as experiencing a war or mass violence, can give them a sense of fear and lead them to believe that the world is not a safe place. This causes reluctance for them to venture out on their own. For more information on this topic, check out our blog “How Childhood Trauma Can Impact You As An Adult.”
The following are some examples of mental health issues that can block a healthy, full transition to adulthood:
Depression and other mood disorders
Bipolar disorder
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
Autism
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and other trauma-related disorders
Eating disorders
Addiction and failure to launch often go hand-in-hand since addiction typically triggers the syndrome. Therefore, when addiction is present, failure to thrive may go unnoticed. When a young adult is experiencing addiction, they are less likely to have financial, emotional, and mental stability. They may lose social skills and healthy coping mechanisms.
Addiction causes life to feel unmanageable. This increase in anxiety coupled with emotional turmoil decreases a person’s ability to seriously commit to anything, including social engagements, school, work, personal relationships and friendships, and their own health. Check out our blog “5 Ways to Help Someone Battling Addiction & Substance Abuse Issues.”
How can failure to launch syndrome be treated?
Failure to launch is a temporary syndrome and, with the help of adult mental health counseling, it can be treated. At Anchor Therapy, we have adult therapists who understand that each person and the life obstacles they are facing are unique, therefore failure to launch syndrome treatment looks different for each person.
Our failure to launch therapists address the underlying reasons that are causing the syndrome while helping your child set realistic goals at the same time. In failure to launch treatment, a mental health counselor will explore the causes of the syndrome to begin to develop essential elements for launching your child to the next stage of their life- adulthood.
In failure to launch counseling, taught elements include:
Belief in oneself and one’s capabilities
Resiliency
Perseverance
Goal-setting
Learning to balance decision-making abilities with external support
Depending on your unique situation, you may decide that your child needs individual mental health counseling or that the whole family unit could benefit from some form of family therapy. Luckily, we offer both forms of mental health therapy at Anchor Therapy!
If you are interested in individual counseling for the young adult in your life, you may find Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, also known as CBT, or career counseling helpful.
In CBT counseling, your son or daughter will learn to address their automatic negative thought patterns. For instance, they may be experiencing low self-confidence which is preventing them from making their own lane in the world. By working with a CBT therapist, your child will be able to change their thinking patterns which will, in turn, alter their behaviors. For more information, read our blog “What is CBT?”.
When taking the career counseling route, your child will hone in on what they want in life. Career therapy will provide your son or daughter with the tips needed to make decisions currently as well as life and career decisions that may pop up in the future.
By working with a career counselor, your child will:
Discover their interests
Increase accountability
Develop strategies to meet their educational or work goals
Check out our blog “Career Counseling: Can A Therapist Help Me Find The Right Job?”.
Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) can also be a good option for your loved one. SFBT is also referred to as Solution-Focused Therapy (SFT). This modality focuses on the future and is goal-directed. Like CBT, SFBT is an evidence-based therapeutic modality. SFBT therapy uses positive psychology to motivate your child into achieving their goals and sustaining the desired behavioral alteration. SFBT counseling is so popular because it is useful and a short-term therapy model.
Last but certainly not least, you may decide that the whole family could benefit from family mental health counseling. Perhaps you feel like you are enabling your son’s or daughter’s behavior and you would like to learn how to establish boundaries. Family counseling for failure to launch addresses the family as a whole, including interactions within the family that can enhance the quality of your connection while decreasing dependence. If you are trying to figure out if this form of counseling is right for you, read our blog “How to Decide if Family Counseling is the Right Fit for You.”
At Anchor Therapy, our failure to launch counselors offer in-person sessions at our Hoboken location and virtual therapy. We offer online therapy to all residents of New Jersey, including Bergen County, Jersey City, and Montclair. Additionally, we offer online mental health counseling to residents of New York and Florida.
If your loved one is struggling to live an independent life, it is important to investigate the circumstances of this. Did your son or daughter move back home to save money for a house? Did they move back home to get a head-start on paying back their student loans? Or, did they move back home to spend their money frivolously while you cater to their basic needs? Knowing the circumstances surrounding their failure to launch syndrome can help you get to the root cause of their problem.
As a parent, it is not always easy to get through to your child and, especially with failure to thrive, you may find that you need the help of an external, unbiased person, like a failure to launch therapist. In failure to launch counseling, your son or daughter will explore their interests, examine their goals, start taking action towards their aspirations, and develop a balanced perspective.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager and Intake Coordinator at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark. In her roles, Victoria is committed to managing the office’s social media presence and prioritizing clients' needs.
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