No matter how hard you try, your child may struggle at some point in their school career. If your pre-teen or teen is struggling, it does not mean that you are a bad parent or doing anything wrong. Instead, it means that the learning circumstances are different for them than they were for you while you were going through school.
Kids are under more academic demands now more than ever. The learning curve gets steeper as the years progress which lengthens the amount of time students must dedicate to their studies. As your child advances to the next grade each academic year, it is also making subjects more difficult. At that point, research papers, projects, and reports require more planning and time from your children.
When your pre-teen or teen is having a difficult time in school, the stress will inevitably follow them home. Eventually, the extra homework, high stress levels, and anxiety become a stressor for the whole family. If you want to help your child succeed in school, you have come to the right place!
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, and life transitions. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and telehealth (video/phone) sessions to residents of New Jersey and New York.
As a parent, you know when something is not quite right with your pre-teen or teen. Whether your child seems less enthusiastic about school or they are having a hard time getting out of bed in the morning, you may question if they are having difficulty in school or if the root cause is something deeper.
The key to answering your question is in open communication and learning how to identify your child’s struggles early. The longer it takes for your pre-teen or teen to receive guidance, the more lost they may feel. School work and the social aspects of the school community continue to progress even if your child may feel stuck in the same place.
Generally, pre-teens and teenagers may not always be so honest about the struggles they are facing in school. They may feel embarrassed or anxious sharing this information. Therefore, it is important to understand the signs that your child is struggling so you can step in and help. The earlier you intervene, the better it is for your kid, especially before their behaviors become patterns.
Why do kids sometimes struggle in school?
There are many different issues that can cause a child to struggle in school. Some students may face social challenges with other students, academic issues, or even unnoticed physical, learning, or mental health problems.
Many children struggle with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or ADHD. ADHD can impact a student’s ability to concentrate, listen, or put time and effort into their school work. The disorder can also make your child fidgety and restless which may disrupt the class and other students’ learning. Children with ADHD may also have learning disabilities that cause them to have issues at school.
What are some common reasons why pre-teens and teens dislike school?
They feel overwhelmed and stressed
They are being bullied
They feel like school is just about getting good grades
They feel like they have no control over their life
When your kid struggles at school, they will typically bring the stress and anxiety home with them. You may notice changes in behavior and physical complaints. In extreme cases, your pre-teen or teen may refuse to go to school. Other times your child may spend hours upon hours completing homework only to give up in frustration. This may lead to your child not turning assignments in on time or at all and neglecting to do required reading.
In addition to these changes, your pre-teen or teen may also generally become less talkative, withdrawn, and not as lively as they once were. This can manifest in several ways, such as your child not seeking out activities they used to enjoy or spending too much time on the phone and video games. The red flags will differ from child-to-child, but you know your kid the best and what to look out for.
What are some signs that my child may be struggling?
Refuses to go to school - If your pre-teen or teen avoids conversations involving school, like how their day went or what they learned, it can be a sign that something is not right. This can be particularly true if they loved to discuss school in the past. It is important to respect your child’s boundaries, but if you feel like this behavior is detrimental to their emotional and mental health, you do not want to ignore this behavior. Instead, you can try to get involved in your child’s daily life.
For instance, you can set aside a time each day to check in. You can look over school assignments or forms that need to be signed. This keeps you in the loop and allows you to see how your child is performing in school and connecting with other students.
Attitude change about school - If your child previously had a positive outlook about school, but now feels bitter and dissatisfied, you can generally understand that they are not having a positive school experience. They may be experiencing relational issues, academic struggles, or a combination of both. Another red flag may be students saying that they are experiencing boredom. If your child is claiming that they are bored, you should dig a little deeper to discover the root cause.
For example, it may be that they already know the material that the teacher is instructing. On the other hand, it may be that your child does not know how to ask for help or feels embarrassed about not understanding the materials.
Experiences physical symptoms - There are many physical symptoms that may result from your child’s stress and anxiety. Your pre-teen or teen may experience sleep issues, changes in their eating patterns, and/or pain complaints. Your child may complain about stomach aches or headaches; however, not all children, especially young children, know how their emotions affect them. That is to say, they may not be able to communicate what they are feeling and how those emotions are affecting their body physically. Children often want to please the adults in their lives so they may worry that, if they tell you about their troubles, you will be upset or disappointed. Teenagers may be aware of the importance of school for their future, like college and job prospects. These are just some cases that can lead to physical symptoms.
Spends an exorbitant amount of time on homework - If your pre-teen or teen is spending all of their free time on homework, this can be a problem. Homework policies vary greatly amongst different schools and instructors. Some teachers do give out more homework than others so it is helpful to be aware of these policies.
Receives low grades - Declining grades is a common sign that something is off with your child’s academic career. While you may be quick to believe that your child simply is not applying themselves, there may be deeper reasons for their poor grades. An occasional bad grade is not necessarily cause for concern, but a pattern of low grades can be problematic. It is important that you understand all of the information on the report card. There may be a specific obstacle that is causing your child to not succeed and you can find out what it is.
Misbehaves at school - In certain cases, misbehavior can be an attempt to distract others from the real problem. Children are still growing and developing so they may lack the understanding of how to properly communicate their struggles. They might act out of frustration or sadness instead of asking for help.
Now that I know my child is struggling- how do I help them?
Meet with teachers
Your child’s teachers can bring great insight into what occurs during your child’s school day. If you suspect that your pre-teen or teen is struggling, initiate a meeting with your child’s teacher or discuss it at your next parent-teacher conference. When you meet, make sure you are prepared with your concerns and questions. You can also ask about extra help programs that the school offers which may help your child.
Communicate openly
Difficult conversations can be hard to have. When there is a struggle, it is a great opportunity to talk openly with your child. It is important that you approach these discussions with zero judgment and let your child know that you truly want to help. If your child does not want to talk right away, give them time to digest what you said and to develop their thoughts about the situation. Then, you can have a conversation and create a plan.
Put a time limit on the work
While it is important that your pre-teen or teen completes their homework to fulfill their learning, it is also important that they have time to pursue their interests and get involved in extracurricular activities. By having time to get involved in other pursuits, your child can also work on their social relationships.
Talk to a professional mental health counselor
Last but certainly not least, have your child connect with a licensed teen specialized therapist. A pre-teen counselor or teen therapist can help sift through your child’s feelings and get to the root cause of their issues at school.
A pre-teen or teen therapist can help:
Identify behavior issues that may trigger learning and thinking distinctions
Instruct on strategies to assist with focus and work habits
Teach time management and organizational skills
Develop an educational plan (e.g., tracking progress)
Acts as a link between the home and school
Give your child a safe setting to discuss their struggles
Overall, it is normal for your pre-teen or teen to have school struggles every once in a while; however, if these behaviors become a pattern, it is time to take action. Finding a specialized licensed therapist for your pre-teen or teenager is a great way to intervene and ensure that your child’s mental, physical, and emotional health receives the attention and assistance it deserves.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager and Intake Coordinator at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark, planning to study Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. As a Social Media Manager at Anchor Therapy, Victoria is committed to producing content for and managing the office’s social media presence and blog.
