Self-sabotaging refers to specific ideals and behaviors that prevent us from being the best versions of ourselves. Contrary to popular belief, self-sabotaging is a normal part of the human experience. In other words, everyone self-sabotages at some point in time; however, some people may do it more often than others. In fact, it may become so normal to you that you do not even realize that you are self-sabotaging.
Self-sabotaging can often seem mysterious or confusing for some people. While most of us want to do well, we may find ourselves standing in our way. Luckily, there are ways to recognize the forms of self-sabotage and overcome them for good.
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First, to be able to tackle self-sabotage, you must be able to define what it is. In its most basic form, self-sabotage is when you diminish your own aspirations and core values. To put it simply, your actions do not align with your thoughts and goals. You may sincerely want to reach a specific goal you have in mind, and you believe that is good for you; however, you do things that conflict with that desire. For instance, you may want to lose weight, so you have adopted several lifestyle changes, including working out regularly and eating healthier. Perhaps you have been succeeding in this journey for a few weeks, but then you decide to stop working out and revert to your ways of unhealthy eating. While it is okay, and sometimes much needed, to enjoy yourself and take time off, your focus should be on what makes you feel your best and what promotes overall health.
As you may have noticed, your self-sabotaging behavior can be conscious or unconscious depending on your level of awareness. Conscious self-sabotage is when you know that your behavior is not in alignment with your goals or values. On the other hand, unconscious sabotage is when your actions conflict with your aspirations or values, but you do not realize it until after the behavior has taken place. This is a general view of the broad types of self-sabotage that you may experience. There are many ways that you can self-sabotage.
As mentioned previously, some people self-sabotage more than others. For some, self-sabotage may be an infrequent occurrence with relatively little to no consequences. For others, it is a chronic pattern that seriously impacts numerous facets of life, encompassing school, work, family, and other social relationships.
Some common forms of self-sabotage include:
Procrastination
Chronic worrying
Substance abuse
Continuous tardiness
Emotional eating
Intimacy issues or commitment issues
There are many more examples of self-sabotage, but these tend to be the most common. While some of these forms may seem to be harmless, such as procrastination, they can have a severe impact on your life if the behavior is continuous. When you notice consistency in these behaviors, it can be helpful to examine the issue more closely, especially if you are noticing negative effects.
Just as self-sabotage can manifest itself in many forms, there are many reasons why you may self-sabotage. Generally, it should be understood that there is no one universal reason for why people undermine themselves. If you are looking for one particular reason, it may be a good sign that you do not fully understand what self-sabotaging is.
If you want to stop self-sabotaging for good, try our four-step plan:
Pinpoint and Recognize the Pattern
The first step of getting rid of your self-sabotage is to identify the underlying causes. You will comprehend why the pattern arises. Generally, it is rare to continuously self-sabotage all areas of your life. For example, you may do a great job keeping up with your friends, making sure that you check up on them, and meet with them regularly for weekly dinners; however, you do not show your romantic interests the same attention. You may be an infrequent communicator, such as failing to respond to text messages or regularly canceling plans. When you notice when you are undermining yourself, you can pinpoint when your self-sabotaging behavior comes into play.
2. Contemplate the Consequences
Once you know the root cause of your self-sabotage, you can write down what you will gain or lose by continuing to self-sabotage. It is easy to focus on short-term pleasures instead of pondering long-term consequences. For instance, you may skip the gym after work because you are extremely tired. This may become a pattern out of ease and comfort which can negatively impact your health down the road.
3. Define Your Aspirations and Core Values
If you are having a hard time reaching your goals, it may be helpful to outline your aspirations. When you do so, you have the opportunity to match your aspirations against your core values to ensure that they align with one another. Ultimately, it is easier to commit to value-driven aspirations. You can even begin to think about how achieving your goal will bring happiness and other benefits into your life.
4. Alter Your Behavior
If you are noticing that you continually sabotage yourself, write down the specific ways that you do so. For instance, do you not complete classwork for a course that is required for you to graduate with the specific degree that you want? In this scenario, you can break down your situation with as much detail as possible. You may write, “I procrastinate on all of my assignments because I do not allocate time for my classwork. On the night that the assignment is due, I get too stressed to complete it and eventually just give up altogether.” Once you have your statements written down, create a plan to counteract your sabotage. To continue with our example, instead of not giving yourself enough time to complete the assignment, get a planner and start scheduling your time wisely. You can even do this at the start of every semester so your next few months are organized, avoiding any unnecessary stress.
Altogether, self-sabotage is not as baffling as it sounds. If you continuously engage in self-sabotage, it means that you are behaving in a way that contradicts your aspirations and core values. If you want to stop self-sabotaging for good, it is helpful to follow the steps outlined above. Additionally, seeking the help of a licensed mental health counselor is always a good idea to get you back on track and stop undermining yourself.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is currently an undergraduate student at the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark, looking to study Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. As a Social Media Manager at Anchor Therapy, Victoria is committed to producing content for and managing the office’s social media presence and blog.
