As loved ones age, they need help with everyday tasks like preparing meals, cleaning the house, managing medications, and making health care decisions. When a person begins to need help in their old age, it is often family members (if applicable) who step in and assist. This can be a spouse, adult children, siblings, grandchildren, nieces and nephews, and so on. Family members are consistently the top source of long-term care and support for senior citizens.
In some cases, providing support to a senior family member can be relatively uncomplicated. For instance, your loved one may have a doctor’s appointment, but they have no transportation to and from the medical office. In this case, you know you can give them a ride to the doctor’s office and stay with them through the duration of the appointment, dropping them off home afterwards. However, not all cases are this simple.
Oftentimes, family members will overfill their plate, taking on too many responsibilities. This is typically due to health issues that impact your loved one’s ability to remain independent and govern various facets of their life.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, and life transitions. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and telehealth (video/phone) sessions to residents of New Jersey and New York.
Common situations that require the support of family members includes:
A senior citizen beginning to develop dementia, like Alzheimer’s or related conditions
Unexpected disability after a fall, stroke, or other serious health scare
Difficulty recovering from a surgery and/or hospitalization
General frailty and loss of strength due to old age. Cognitive changes can also occur naturally as one ages
Advanced chronic illnesses that restrict day-to-day mobility and, in some cases, require repeated hospitalization (e.g., heart failure)
Most people are happy to help a loved one during their golden years, but that does not mean that the job is not challenging. Additionally, most senior citizens are reluctant to have others help them and make alterations to their daily life. It is more common for seniors to resist receiving help rather than being completely accepting of this major life change.
As a caregiver, you may feel an extra burden when your loved one is entirely dependent on you. For instance, your mind may race with thoughts, such as “I promised I would never put him in a nursing home” or “My mom always told me she never wanted to end up in one of those places.” When your loved one becomes sick, they may become your primary focus, but it does not erase life’s other responsibilities. You may consider placing your loved ones in the care of a nursing home or you may choose to care for your elderly family member in the comfort of your own home. As long as the situation is safe and healthy for every party involved, keeping your senior family member at home can be a great thing to do.
However, it is crucial to remember that caring for an elderly family member is one of the hardest, most stressful jobs a person can have. Therefore, caregivers are at a high-risk for burnout and serious health conditions. If you are caring for an older loved one, remember to pace yourself and find a way to prioritize your own mental health.
In other words, it is not possible to give 110% each day. You are not a machine and living life in such a high-paced manner is not sustainable. When you pace yourself and even get some outside assistance, you have time to focus on other responsibilities, protect your mental health, and continue to provide great care in the long-run to your loved one.
Continue reading this blog if you want to find out some effective ways to assist an elderly family member!
Include Your Loved One In The Caregiving Process
While you are in a difficult position with caregiving, your loved one is also going through a challenging time. No one wants to lose mobility and their overall sense of independence. So, it can be helpful to include your elderly family member in the caregiving process. This not only provides you with peace of mind that you are making the right decisions, but it also makes your loved one feel more like a partner than someone who has no control over their life.
While this is a good idea for most seniors, please have patience. This is likely not going to be an easy process to get your loved one to agree on the situation, but it is worth a try and having multiple conversations over. If your loved one is not in immediate danger, there is no need to rush the process and make swift changes. When you make changes too quickly, your loved one may be hesitant to share the process with you and may even become resentful. Lastly, by having your elderly family member involved in the process, it can build up their self-esteem and keep their functional abilities sharp.
2. Be Realistic
Each situation is different, and you know your family member’s situation the best. While it can be hard to take a step back and view the situation from an unbiased perspective, it can be a good idea so you can properly gauge the situation. At some point, you will need to decide if this is a situation you can handle without the assistance of others.
While evaluating the situation, consider your own mental health. If you take on too much, it can lead to burnout or health conditions which will ultimately make you unable to care for another person.
3. Get Help With Caregiving
There are many resources available to help your senior family member throughout their golden years. In some cases, the process of finding help may be difficult which may make you question if getting help is worth it. Instead, you can view caregiving as an investment that will benefit you and your loved one in the future.
In addition to senior companion programs or in-home caregiving services, having your loved one speak to a geriatric counselor can be extremely helpful. Geriatric mental health therapists are there to help your senior family members, typically 65 years or older, through the aging process and the numerous life changes that come along with it.
When your loved one can no longer manage their life independently, negative emotions may arise. Our geriatric therapists at Anchor Therapy are trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques to help your loved one process their emotions, change negative thinking patterns and behaviors, and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
Senior mental health therapists can cover the following topics in geriatric counseling:
Thoughts about mortality
Grief regarding the loss of friends, friendships, family members, etc.
Grappling with unresolved issues and relationships
Diagnosis of a serious illness
Surgery and the recovery process
Worries regarding future generations (e.g. children, grandchildren, etc.)
Financial insecurity
Loss of mobility, hearing, or vision
Regrets
And more!
Overall, the aging process is difficult for not only your loved one, but you as well. Caregiving is a rewarding, yet difficult job that may require external assistance. In these cases, having your loved one speak to a geriatric mental health counselor in order to process their emotions and deal with life transitions at a late stage in their life may be valuable.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager and Intake Coordinator at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark, planning to study Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. As a Social Media Manager at Anchor Therapy, Victoria is committed to producing content for and managing the office’s social media presence and blog.
