At some point, every couple experiences conflict. From financial issues to constant bickering, there may be some cracks in your relationship. If your relationship is hitting a bump in the road, there is no reason to panic. In many instances, you may be able to fix these issues on your own. However, there may be a time when you feel that your problems get out of control and become hard to manage. In these situations, marriage counseling, also known as couples counseling, can be extremely helpful.
While couples counseling may only be seen as a resource for relationships in crisis, that is not always the case. In fact, many couples who are not experiencing any major issues find couples therapy to be helpful. They view therapy as a chance to get closer to their partner and get to know their loved one better. Marriage counseling provides couples with tools for healthier, more effective communication.
While falling in love can be an exciting and happy time, sustaining a marriage may have its obstacles. Whether the issues revolve around your partner working late nights or the stress of parenthood, many difficulties can occur in any relationship.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, and life transitions. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and telehealth (video/phone) sessions to residents of New Jersey and New York.
If you are trying to decide if marriage counseling is right for you, your partner, and your relationship, try to answer the following questions:
Do you and your partner tend to criticize one another?
Are you indifferent to your significant other’s feelings?
Is your marriage impacted by infidelity?
Is your marriage impacted by addiction?
Do you feel resentful or angry towards your partner?
Do you tend to feel defensive in your relationship?
Do you and your partner argue over religious beliefs or values?
Do you often want to withdraw from your relationship?
Are you concerned about communication in your marriage?
Do you feel like you and your partner do not have anything in common?
Are you becoming more distant from your spouse?
If you answered “yes” to multiple questions, you may be experiencing heightened dissatisfaction in your marriage. In this case, it may be helpful to attend marriage therapy so you can both work to maintain a healthy relationship.
The first thing to understand about marriage counseling is that it is not about finger-pointing. You are not looking to decipher who did what or who is to blame for your relationship’s problems. Marriage counseling allows you and your partner to give each other your undivided attention during your sessions.
Generally, it is recommended that you attend marriage counseling earlier rather than later. If unhealthy behaviors and resentful feelings persist and build up, they can be more difficult to alter in the future.
The motivation level of both partners and the timing of when you seek counseling relates directly to the effectiveness of your sessions. For instance, some couples may view marriage counseling as a failure and a pathway to divorce. If this is the case, then this pessimistic view can be equated to throwing in the towel on your marriage. It is important to keep an open mind when entering couples counseling and sharing your concerns honestly with your partner and your therapist.
If you would like to learn how marriage counseling may be helpful for your relationship, continue reading!
You and Your Partner Are Growing Apart
After being married or living together for a few years, many couples stop engaging with one another. Many divorces are sparked by growing apart; however, these issues stem from avoidance, not arguing.
Some couples may run a household together, paying bills and taking care of children. Amid these obligations, couples forget to prioritize intimacy and connection. This distance does not go away by itself. It can even grow as you add more responsibilities to your plate. You may think that you need these extra responsibilities to fill your needs and loneliness, but, in many cases, you need more connection with your partner.
It is easy for couples to forget why they fell in love and who they are as a couple. For example, many couples experience this dilemma when their children grow up and leave the house. These “empty nesters” may not know what their dynamic is without their children. Marriage therapy can be an excellent way to bring back the spark that you once had in your relationship.
2. Someone Has Been Unfaithful
A common trigger that causes many couples to attend couples counseling is infidelity or a breach of trust. There is an emotional and physical component to cheating. While many people imagine cheating to be strictly physical, hiding information and lying is an emotional betrayal.
Everyone has their definition of infidelity. To some people, it may be reconnecting with an old flame on social media. For others, it may be having a sexual relationship with another person. You and your partner must develop your definition of fidelity within your relationship. When you have this shared, agreed-upon definition, it makes your boundaries clear.
If one partner has already had an affair, couples counseling is there to help. Many marriages survive an affair, but you have to be willing to put the work in. If you want to learn more about surviving infidelity in your marriage, read our blog post “4 Ways to Repair A Relationship After Infidelity.”
3. Ineffective, Upsetting Arguments Are Common
There are many ways that couples handle arguments. While some may enjoy confrontations, others may run away from it. Unfortunately, it can be easy to get caught in a loop of arguing about the same things over and over again. Fights can cause hurt feelings that linger for a long time.
Inherently, arguments are not a bad thing. Instead, it is the way that people go about arguing that can make it unhealthy and harmful. A critical component in any relationship is understanding how your partner communicates which can be understood through knowing your spouse’s love language. If you would like to learn more about the love languages, read our blog post “Understanding the Five Love Languages to Improve Your Relationship.”
Couples therapy teaches you to communicate in a healthy, reasonable, and respectful way. Instead of starting a conversation in a passive-aggressive manner, try to use an encouraging tone. How you start the conversation can foreshadow how it ends.
4. You Are Going Through A Major Life Transition
From moving to having a child, major life transitions can be an extremely stressful time no matter how positive they are. Big changes can alter the dynamic of your marriage. You and your partner may have different coping mechanisms which can ignite additional friction.
These major life transitions can take up a lot of your time and attention. If your spouse does not understand the source of your stress, it can cause many problems. Couples therapy can help your partner be more empathetic, and reinstate your connection once again.
5. You Often Fight Over Finances
Money is a common source of stress for many couples. For instance, you may argue over different spending styles or how you save for retirement. Additionally, the stress of not having enough money can easily trigger hostility.
There can also be imbalances in your relationship if one partner earns a lot more than the other. Marriage counseling can help you and your partner understand your respective relationships with money. The way we think about money and handle finances can be closely connected to previous experiences. In marriage counseling sessions, you will learn to become aware of your spending behaviors and have financial empathy towards your partner.
Overall, marriage counseling can be a powerful tool to help your relationship prosper. If you feel that your relationship requires outside help, it is important to get help as soon as possible. In marriage therapy, you will learn to improve your communication, resolve conflict, and reignite emotional intimacy.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is currently an undergraduate student at the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark, looking to study Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. As a Social Media Manager at Anchor Therapy, Victoria is committed to producing content for and managing the office’s social media presence and blog.
