Scapegoating in Families, family counseling, Hoboken NJ therapist, Jersey City NJ therapist, hudson county therapist
Courtney Glashow
Understanding the Psychology of Scapegoating in ...

Scapegoating means that you are blaming a person or group for something bad that has happened or for something that someone else has done. Scapegoating typically occurs to protect the image of a person or family. In a family dynamic, a person may be used as the scapegoat to protect a more favored member in the family. While it is common for one person to be used as the scapegoat, it can happen to multiple people.

Scapegoating can occur in different environments, such as work, but it is most prominent in unhealthy family dynamics. In this case, scapegoating then tends to start in childhood when a child is blamed for all of a family’s dysfunction and problems. A scapegoat bears the burden of taking on the mistakes of a family or team. 

When children are assigned this role at a young age, it can wreak havoc on their mental health. A scapegoated child may not believe that they are inherently good, worthy, or lovable. Instead, they hear insults regularly, experience constant bullying, and even abuse and neglect. This leads to a low self-esteem, decreased self-confidence, and negative self-talk. 

Understanding the Psychology of Scapegoating in Families
toxic relationship, relationship counseling, couples therapy, hoboken therapist, jersey city therapist, marriage counseling, nj therapist, nyc therapist, premarital counseling
Courtney Glashow
How To Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship

When you are in a healthy relationship, it naturally functions well. Of course, like any couple, you may have disagreements from time-to-time or there may be some hard times, but you band together no matter what. You are able to make major life decisions together, discuss problems once they occur, and genuinely enjoy spending time with one another.

On the other hand, you have toxic relationships. In a toxic relationship, the ‘norm’ is feeling drained and unhappy after spending time with your partner. This should be a major red flag that some things need to change.

You may still love your partner, but the relationship does not seem enjoyable. Maybe minor issues turn into full-blown arguments or you always seem to provoke one another. It may even get so severe that you dread spending time with your partner instead of getting excited to see them, like you were in the past.

Continue reading this blog to see if your relationship is toxic, and some guidance on how to navigate a toxic relationship.

How To Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship
Intergenerational Trauma, trauma counseling, jersey city therapist, hoboken counseling
Courtney Glashow
Disney’s Encanto: How It Got Intergenerational ...

Disney has a way of exploring heavier life topics that can help children and the 2021 film Encanto is no exception. Movies like Inside Out and Soul also assist children in exploring heavier aspects of life, such as emotions, trauma, consciousness, and even death. Encanto joins the long list of children’s movies that have a deeper message.

Disney’s Encanto offers a multigenerational story about a grandmother and her family who have been endowed with magical gifts. The Madrigal family lives in a hidden village in Colombia. While each family member does their best to live up to their reputation and help others in the community, the facade slowly begins to crumble figuratively and literally in the house that all three generations share.
Not only do people love this movie because of its catchy soundtrack, including the famous song “We don’t talk about Bruno”, but people also love it because of its exploration of generational trauma.

Disney’s Encanto: How It Got Intergenerational Trauma Right
control issues, mental health blog, jersey city therapist, hoboken counseling
Courtney Glashow
7 Ways to Let Go of Control Issues

Do you have a hard time going with the flow? Do you have to follow a schedule or routine at all times? Do you try to control other people in your life? If you are dealing with control issues, it is likely that you feel like you must exert power over your life, relationships, and general environment. In some cases, this exertion of power may extend to the life of other people.

Control can simply be defined as exerting influence or power over the environment, actions, and behaviors of yourself or another person. There are many reasons why you may feel like you need to be in control, such as insecurities or fear of the unpredictable. At times, your need for control may become overwhelming and tiring, causing chaos in your career, relationships, and your overall quality of life.

7 Ways to Let Go of Control Issues
couples therapy, hoboken counseling, jersey city therapist, mental health blog, nyc counselor, relationship counseling
Courtney Glashow
8 Tips for Dealing With A Narcissist

While some people may be quick to throw the word “narcissist” around, it is important to remember that there is a distinction between someone being self-centered and unsympathetic, and someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Many people may have what doctors call narcissistic characteristics, such as feeling entitled or having a strong sense of self-importance. People who have narcissistic personality disorder may be challenging to deal with.

The first step to determine your dynamic with someone who you think is a narcissist is to know the difference between someone with narcissistic tendencies and someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

8 Tips for Dealing With A Narcissist

therapy for couples in nj

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4 Communication Tips Couples Need To Know

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4 Communication Tips Couples Need To Know

In order for the success of any relationship, open and honest communication is a must. Relationships are emotional, therefore they rely on interpersonal nonverbal and verbal exchanges of communication amongst the people involved. Most relationships and marriages start out with the idea of success but, without putting in the work, a relationship can turn sour very quickly. When you share a child with your partner or are co-parenting, communication is even more important. If you just welcomed a baby into the world, check out our blog “Building A Stronger Relationship With Your Partner Post-Baby.”

Communication does not always come easily, whether you are discussing something with a romantic partner or co-worker. While some people have no issue communicating in a direct and respectful manner, other people may have trouble expressing themselves. If you resonate with the latter, it can be hard to maintain healthy relationships.

Continue reading to learn about different communication styles and how you can improve your conversations with your partner!

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How To Survive Your In-Laws: A Guide To Family Therapy

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How To Survive Your In-Laws: A Guide To Family Therapy

If you find it difficult to deal with your in-laws, you are not alone. On some level, every couple struggles with their in-laws from time to time. Just because you may be dealing with some issues with your in-laws, it does not mean that you have an unhealthy relationship. It all comes down to how you tackle the problem together as a team. If you believe you may be in an unhealthy partnership, check out our blog “How To Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship.” 

What you will learn quickly through your exploration together as a couple in mental health counseling sessions is that seeing eye-to-eye with your partner about your in-laws matters more than seeing eye-to-eye with your in-laws. 

Learning how to build a relationship with your in-laws is challenging for many couples. You can choose to view it as a chore that you want to quickly and insufficiently fix or as a ‘project’ to tackle together as a couple. This ‘project’ includes communication, trust, and effort.

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How to Heal After Infidelity

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How to Heal After Infidelity

The truth is that working through an affair in a relationship is difficult. On both sides, it requires a great deal of vulnerability, energy, time, work, and commitment. Affair recovery is a process of healing your relationship on a mental, emotional, and physical level after infidelity occurs. Typically, the process of recovery after infidelity can take anywhere from six months to two years, but it is important to remember that each couple is unique. For some couples, it may take a little shorter or longer to fully recover.

The painful process of recovery after an affair requires compassion, strength, and humility. An affair does equate to intense emotional pain; however, that pain does not have to end a relationship. There are ways to rebuild your connection with your partner even after an affair if you are both willing and able to put in the work.

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Is Premarital Counseling for Me?

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Is Premarital Counseling for Me?

If you are engaged, you may be questioning if premarital counseling is worth it. Maybe you are simply thinking of getting engaged or a bit farther down the road, already booking a venue and inviting your friends and family to share your special day with you. Whatever the case is for you, you have undoubtedly invested a lot into your proposal and/or wedding, including your time, money, and energy. It is easy to primarily focus on the ideal proposal or ceremony while overlooking the amount of work it takes to create an ideal partnership. 

In preparation for a wedding, there are many tasks to complete, and it may seem like your to-do list is never-ending. While you are caught up in the hustle and bustle of planning a wedding, do not forget the most important thing- building a secure foundation to build upon with your partner. Your wedding is an amazing and life-changing moment in your life, but it is one day. It will come and go while your relationship will last a lifetime. Premarital counseling will give you and your partner the chance to come together and prepare for the life and family you will be creating together.

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How To Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship

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How To Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship

When you are in a healthy relationship, it naturally functions well. Of course, like any couple, you may have disagreements from time-to-time or there may be some hard times, but you band together no matter what. You are able to make major life decisions together, discuss problems once they occur, and genuinely enjoy spending time with one another.

On the other hand, you have toxic relationships. In a toxic relationship, the ‘norm’ is feeling drained and unhappy after spending time with your partner. This should be a major red flag that some things need to change.

You may still love your partner, but the relationship does not seem enjoyable. Maybe minor issues turn into full-blown arguments or you always seem to provoke one another. It may even get so severe that you dread spending time with your partner instead of getting excited to see them, like you were in the past.

Continue reading this blog to see if your relationship is toxic, and some guidance on how to navigate a toxic relationship.

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How LGBTQIA+ Couples Counseling Is Unique

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How LGBTQIA+ Couples Counseling Is Unique

Are you in a LGBTQIA+ relationship and experiencing frequent conflicts or disagreements in your relationship? Do you and your partner struggle with meaningful connection, infidelity, or lack of intimacy? Are you in need of a LGBTQIA+ couples therapist who is culturally competent and understands LGBTQIA+ issues? If so, keep reading this article!

Couples counseling can benefit any couple at any time, but it can be especially beneficial for LGBTQIA+ couples who face a unique set of challenges. Therapeutic work in the LGBTQIA+ community is different. Typically, the focus of couples counseling, particularly in the media, can be centered around heterosexual, monogamous couples. The lack of representation you may witness is no need to stop you from seeking the help your relationship deserves and needs.

You may feel stuck in your relationship at the moment. For example, your partnership may look very different from what you envisioned for yourself. You may have issues surrounding communication or need to learn how to work collaboratively to tackle life issues. Like many other couples, when you avoid these behaviors, they can turn into patterns that negatively affect your relationship in the long-run. These patterns can manifest as daily fights or chronic silent treatments.

Whether you and your partner are battling intimacy issues, exploring the possibility of an open relationship, or dealing with the aftermath of infidelity, these situations can breed excess stress, anxiety, and the weakening of a connection for any couple. When you couple these problems with identity-specific struggles, the setbacks can worsen the quality of your relationship, making LGBTQIA+ couples therapy that much more necessary.

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Building A Stronger Relationship With Your Partner Post-Baby

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Building A Stronger Relationship With Your Partner Post-Baby

The transition from a couple to a family of three (or even more!) can be one of the biggest changes you will face in your relationship. It is exciting, invigorating, and generally glorious. It can also be tiresome, worrisome, and aggravating. The combination of these emotions can be threatening to the romantic relationship that gave you a child in the first place.

While raising a child can be a difficult experience at times, many couples find that they grow stronger after expanding their family, connecting in ways they have never experienced before. You may have a new level of respect for your partner after the birth of your child and share experiences together as a family that bring you that much closer together.

On the other hand, if you are experiencing relationship problems after the welcoming of your child, you are not alone. Many couples experience bumps in the road as they navigate their new world. It is best to deal with issues as they occur instead of burying them.

Maintaining a marriage after a baby takes time and energy. As a new parent, time and energy may be the last things you want to give. However, actively choosing to put the work into your relationship is beneficial in the long-run. Instead of growing resentful of each other, you and your partner can learn to enjoy spending each moment with one another.

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How Do The Four Attachment Styles Impact Romantic Relationships?

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How Do The Four Attachment Styles Impact Romantic Relationships?

Have you noticed that you act certain ways in romantic relationships? Are you extremely confident and trusting your partner 100%? Or are you easily jealous and fear being alone for too long?

Whatever your thoughts and actions are surrounding romantic relationships, a possible explanation for them can be attachment styles. Attachment theories date back to the 1950s and, generally, pinpoint four primary attachment styles.

What are the four primary attachment styles?

The four attachment styles are as follows:

  1. Secure attachment

  2. Anxious-preoccupied attachment (sometimes referred to as ambivalent attachment)

  3. Avoidant-dismissive attachment

  4. Disorganized attachment

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5 Ways to Solve Common Relationship Problems

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5 Ways to Solve Common Relationship Problems

It is rare to have a completely perfect relationship. It is normal to hit a few bumps in the road. When you can spot these “bumps” ahead of time, you have a great chance of getting over them and not allowing them to detour your life.

There are many different ways that people react to problems in their relationships. Some people may feel angry or helpless while others may want to completely give up after a minor inconvenience. Then, there are other partners who are determined to make it work and will do whatever they can to fix the broken aspects of the relationship.

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Everything You Need to Know About Divorce Counseling

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Everything You Need to Know About Divorce Counseling

While people often think of couples counseling as a tool to prevent separation, if you and your partner have taken the step towards divorce, therapy can be equally as helpful. Divorce can be a painful process, and divorce counseling can be a positive force in guiding you through the process. As different emotions arise, your divorce therapist can assist you in recognizing and working through them.

In addition to dealing with the tangible components of a divorce, you will also have to deal with the emotional aspects. Many people who get divorced undergo the five stages of grief.

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5 Reasons Why Marriage Counseling May Be Helpful for You

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5 Reasons Why Marriage Counseling May Be Helpful for You

At some point, every couple experiences conflict. From financial issues to constant bickering, there may be some cracks in your relationship. If your relationship is hitting a bump in the road, there is no reason to panic. In many instances, you may be able to fix these issues on your own. However, there may be a time when you feel that your problems get out of control and become hard to manage. In these situations, marriage counseling, also known as couples counseling, can be extremely helpful.

While couples counseling may only be seen as a resource for relationships in crisis, that is not always the case. In fact, many couples who are not experiencing any major issues find couples therapy to be helpful. They view therapy as a chance to get closer to their partner and get to know their loved one better. Marriage counseling provides couples with tools for healthier, more effective communication.

While falling in love can be an exciting and happy time, sustaining a marriage may have its obstacles. Whether the issues revolve around your partner working late nights or the stress of parenthood, many difficulties can occur in any relationship.

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Understanding the Five Love Languages to Improve Your Relationship

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Understanding the Five Love Languages to Improve Your Relationship

A crucial component of a healthy relationship is understanding how to express love to your significant other. Getting to know your partner may take some time. The more time you spend with them, the more you understand their personality, likes, dislikes, and hobbies. Even though you may know your partner well, it may still be difficult to find a meaningful method of communication that your partner resonates with, understands, and fulfills their emotional needs. Therefore, Dr. Gary Chapman, an American author, radio talk show host, and marriage therapist, devised the five love languages.

As a marriage counselor, Dr. Chapman worked with many couples throughout the years and, in the 1990s, he identified a trend amongst all of the couples’ arguments. During marriage counseling, many couples would express that they were trying their best, but their compliments, gifts, and/or gestures were going unnoticed. The other partner did not even notice the acts that they were supposed to be grateful for. Instead, they were hoping that their partner would do something that they could recognize and appreciate. Dr. Chapman realized that these breaks in communication and affection were rooted in different definitions of love.

Dr. Chapman found five distinct ways that people receive and showcase love. Generally, people have one to two languages that they prefer.

The five love languages are as follows:

  1. Quality Time

  2. Acts of Service

  3. Words of Affirmation

  4. Gift Giving

  5. Physical Touch

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4 Ways to Repair A Relationship After Infidelity

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4 Ways to Repair A Relationship After Infidelity

While infidelity is a big obstacle in a relationship, it can also be seen as an opportunity for positive growth and change. Infidelity does not mean that your relationship is over. Luckily, there are many ways to heal and construct a healthy relationship once again.

Trust is a crucial part of any relationship. Trust can be broken in many ways, from minor mishaps to big mistakes. Unfortunately, cheating can break a bond and your level of confidence in your relationship. Infidelity is not always like what we see in the movies and television shows. In other words, it is not always what we think. Many times, infidelity occurs due to a lack of emotional connection, not a lack of attraction.

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The 5 Major Causes for Divorce and How to Avoid Them

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The 5 Major Causes for Divorce and How to Avoid Them

You may feel as if your relationship has recently become a raw nerve. Every little thing is hitting that nerve and triggering an argument. You and your partner can not seem to get through a day without fighting. It feels absolutely exhausting. It may seem like there is no other option but to take time apart. You find you are walking on eggshells in fear of triggering the next disagreement. You both are growing further apart from one another.

Don’t lose hope yet- there may be a way to heal this raw nerve and decrease the frequency and intensity of arguments. Seeking out couples counseling and better understanding the risks for divorce can help you significantly shift the dynamics that have been occurring in your marriage. Identifying the common communication errors and working on minimizing them will make a positive change in how you relate to one another.

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Anchor Therapy Is Expanding Counseling Services in Hoboken, NJ!

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Anchor Therapy Is Expanding Counseling Services in Hoboken, NJ!

At Anchor Therapy, we are currently accepting new clients and are now providing telehealth (video & phone) sessions for residents of New Jersey and New York as well as in-person sessions at our new office in downtown Hoboken, NJ! Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, substance abuse, addiction, identity, and life transitions.

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Couples Counseling: 7 Types Of Relationships That Can Benefit From Therapy

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Couples Counseling: 7 Types Of Relationships That Can Benefit From Therapy

Are you feeling like you are growing apart in your relationship, bickering over small things, or just becoming more frustrated and impatient with one another? Are arguments occurring more frequently and more intensely?

All relationships experience arguments, but at times navigating through the conflict may seem more and more challenging. We find ourselves falling into communication cycles that we cannot seem to break out of and we don’t know what to do differently. On top of it, the pandemic is amplifying tensions and bringing out those underlying cracks in our relationship. We keep trying to struggle through it with our partners, but are finding ourselves feeling increasingly frustrated, angry and exhausted.

Whether your relationship could just use a tune up or you are feeling desperate for change, couples counseling can be the tool that helps get you what you need in your relationship. Seeking help earlier in the process is a benefit because unhealthy behaviors can be more difficult to change as time passes (but never impossible!). We all have behaviors we can work on and therapy can give us the opportunity to work on ourselves while also developing a better understanding of our spouse or partner(s).