It is rare to have a completely perfect relationship. It is normal to hit a few bumps in the road. When you can spot these “bumps” ahead of time, you have a great chance of getting over them and not allowing them to detour your life.
There are many different ways that people react to problems in their relationships. Some people may feel angry or helpless while others may want to completely give up after a minor inconvenience. Then, there are other partners who are determined to make it work and will do whatever they can to fix the broken aspects of the relationship.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, and life transitions. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and telehealth (video/phone) sessions to residents of New Jersey and New York.
Successful couples can navigate life’s ups and downs while maintaining their love life. You can learn to tackle problems together and work through the complex issues that everyday life offers.
Truthfully, some issues may be more difficult to repair than others depending on the personality, values, and outlooks of you and your partner. For instance, it may be more difficult to patch up infidelity in comparison to failing to consult each other before making major life decisions.
Even the happiest of relationships have their fair share of issues. You cannot escape all troubles. If your worries are not dealt with effectively, it can lead to chaos and the end of your relationship.
While problems look different in every relationship, here are some signs that your relationship may be struggling:
There is minimal communication
The relationship feels like an obligation
You are happier when you are not with your partner
You spend less and less time together
You are each critical of one another
You prioritize other things over your relationship
You do not discuss the future and any potential long-term goals
You are defensive when you are around your partner
You or your partner have expressed that the relationship is not going well
You criticize each other’s opinions without trying to understand the viewpoint
What should I do if my relationship is facing some serious issues?
Accept your relationship’s flaws
While many people dream of a fairytale, the picture-perfect story often does not occur in the real world, and that is completely okay. Your relationship is not perfect and no one said it has to be. One of the most important parts of healing your relationship is letting go of your own expectations and the fear of what people will think about your relationship.
When you accept that your relationship has some imperfections, you realize that you and your partner are just human and mistakes will be made.
2. Talk about the problems that are impacting your relationship
When you and your partner cannot come to an agreement or joint decision, the best way to resolve the issue is through discussion. Communication is an essential aspect of every relationship, particularly when you need to solve a problem that equally affects both of you.
By having a conversation, you can figure out what went wrong and how to get back on track. This allows you to avoid fighting or pushing the blame on one another.
It is important to give yourself grace to express your opinion while also leaving space for your partner to express their thoughts. This should not be a time for you to prove who has the “better” decision. At the end of the day, neither of you will be content with a half-hearted decision so it is good to come to terms with it collaboratively.
Even if just one of you made a mistake, the responsibility lies on both of you to communicate. By doing so, you can offer second chances, learn from the past, and proceed with the relationship.
Some couples have more difficulty effectively communicating with each other in non-hostile ways than others. If this is the case for your relationship, it is highly recommended that you seek the help of a licensed couples counselor.
Relationship counseling, or couples therapy, teaches couples of all backgrounds how to discover, identify, and resolve issues to improve their actions and overall relationship.
Some benefits of couples counseling include:
Receiving a deeper comprehension of your relationship dynamic
Getting feedback from an unbiased person
Working hand-in-hand with your partner in a safe space
Seeing each other’s viewpoints
Solving obstacles in your relationship
Learning healthy and effective coping skills
Clarifying your feelings regarding the relationship
Rebuilding trust
Strengthening the intimacy and connection you have with your partner
Enhancing communication skills
Improving your level of self-awareness and working on personal growth
3. Be mindful of your partner’s feelings
When you are in an argument, you should be mindful of how your partner feels and reacts. When you are mindful of your partner’s emotions, it can be easier to understand their actions or next move. You can read their emotions as signals that reveal their future decisions or true thoughts.
4. Do not say “sorry” if you do not mean it
If you are in an argument with your partner, there is a good chance that you may have said something that hurt their feelings. You can hurt them through words or even through your exchanges of reactions. Instead of trying to blame the other person, you must take responsibility for your actions. In other words, regardless of who is at fault, you should be prepared to apologize if your partner feels hurt or upset.
Do not equate saying “I am sorry” to taking full ownership of the situation. When you apologize, you are not absolving all of the guilt or blame. Instead, you are taking ownership over your contribution to the situation, particularly if your partner feels uncomfortable. You should be able to articulate the reason behind your apology while maintaining honesty.
5. Take a specific amount of time away from each other
Hitting pause and taking a break from your partner can give you both a chance to get control of your emotions. When you are in a heated argument, it can be difficult to think rationally. You cannot take words back once they have been said so it is better to take some time off before serious damage is done.
You can use this time to spend with family or friends, or maybe you want to spend it by yourself to reflect on the circumstances. If you both want a temporary break from one another, that is okay. However, when you re-join, you should be ready to talk through your issues and face the problem at hand.
An important aspect of this strategy is setting a time limit. For example, you can allocate a specific time where you and your partner sit down to discuss the problem. The period should be long enough for the both of you to calm your emotions down, but not too long that it leads to avoidance.
All couples endure some problems in their relationships, whether you are just dating or you are engaged or married, but this does not give anyone an excuse. Problems should be met with compassion and mindfulness of your partner’s emotions. Many problems are an issue of patience and, when you overcome them, a long and lasting relationship can follow.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is currently an undergraduate student at the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark, looking to study Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. As a Social Media Manager at Anchor Therapy, Victoria is committed to producing content for and managing the office’s social media presence and blog.
