Do you feel like you are a fraud? Do you think that you do not belong in your position? Do you think you simply got lucky?
We’ve all been there before. No matter how hard you have worked or how many hours you put in, you may be feeling unworthy. You may feel like you are not qualified for the new job you just got hired for- afraid that your boss and colleagues will discover the “truth” at any given moment. Maybe you feel like you do not have what it takes to raise your child even though they are a priority and you are trying your best.
Please take comfort in knowing that many people have felt this way at one point or another.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, and life transitions. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and telehealth (video/phone) sessions to residents of New Jersey and New York.
What is imposter syndrome?
Imposter syndrome is the constant feeling of humility, self-doubt, or deceitfulness that affects people who are achieving success. Even when there are many pieces of evidence that point to your worthiness, this feeling of not being good enough can persist. Amusingly, this feeling can occur most when you have a particularly noble achievement.
Some accomplishments that can trigger imposter syndrome include:
Getting accepted into and attending college
Obtaining a dream job
Winning an award
Passing an important examination
Earning a promotion
No matter how much evidence there is to showcase your hard work and dedication, you may still internally battle with false beliefs that you are not as capable or intelligent as other people think you are. This phenomenon is known as imposter syndrome.
Imposter syndrome is not a medical or mental health diagnosis. Instead, it is a pattern of thinking. Imposter syndrome can become a cycle that brings negativity into your life.
If imposter syndrome goes unchecked, it can lead to:
Self-doubt
Negative self-talk
Missed opportunities
Many people have experienced feelings of uncertainty and unworthiness; however, if your accomplishments stem from your hard work, intelligence, and actions, and you still feel incompetent, you are most likely suffering from imposter syndrome. Recognizing imposter syndrome and learning coping tools can help you get out of your way.
What are the three types of feelings that people suffering from imposter syndrome might have?
Feeling Like A Fraud
If you feel like a fraud in your current role or situation, the root anxiety is that you will be caught or revealed. You feel like, at any moment, someone will expose your true self and people will find out that you are not worthy.
2. Feeling Like Luck Is Responsible For Your Success
You may credit all of your achievements to luck. You may find yourself saying things like “I got lucky” or “I’m not really that talented.” A reiteration of this is “I am just a hard worker.” Some people may doubt their talent, intelligence, and qualifications by simply saying that they work hard. While working hard may have helped you fulfill your goals, your talent, intelligence, and qualifications assisted in getting you to where you currently are as well.
3. Having An Inability To Accept Compliments
At the core of every person who is battling imposter syndrome are the discrediting of hard work, talent, and knowledge. In other words, you try to downplay your accomplishments.
Some common phrases may include:
“I’m not that smart- I only passed the exam because it was easy.”
“The tennis match I won was not really that important.”
“I only got the job because no one else applied.”
“I must have only been accepted to college because they did not have enough applicants.”
“I’m not attractive - he must have complimented me to make me feel better.”
How do I battle imposter syndrome?
Try To Remember That It Is Normal
Imposter syndrome is more common than you think. Just because people do not typically talk openly about it, does not mean that it is not happening. From first-generation college students to world leaders, imposter syndrome does not discriminate. It takes just one person being vulnerable and opening up about their self-confidence struggles for others to say “Wow, it is not just me!”.
2. Reflect On Your Accomplishments
Remind yourself about all of the amazing things you have accomplished. While we often look at our achievements through the lens of a job, it is important to note your personal accomplishments as well. It can be helpful to create a running list of all of your achievements. Then, you can read it from time to time.
You can also re-visit other accomplishments. For instance, you can read old letters of recommendation that your mentors wrote about you or read about awards you have won. Remind yourself that, although your achievements look good on paper, they are so much more than a few lines on your resume- they are years of dedication and hard work.
3. Remind Yourself That It Is Okay To Not Know What You Are Doing
With any major life change, there will be learning curves, especially if you are entering college or the workforce. Rather than hiding the fact that there are some things you do not know, lean into it. You are someone who is learning and gaining expertise. As long as you remain excited and engaged in the learning process, your peers will understand.
After graduating college, many people find that they have a difficult time adjusting to work life. If you find that you are battling imposter syndrome and are finding it hard to adjust to post-grad life, check out our latest blog, “Navigating Life After College.”
4. Release Your Inner Perfectionist
While perfectionism is often seen as a positive characteristic, it can also be a big obstacle for productivity and overcoming imposter syndrome. Often, if you are struggling with imposter syndrome, you are probably a perfectionist. You may set extremely high standards for yourself and commit to being the best of the best.
Perfectionism will only feed the perfectionist in you. When you feel like a fraud, it is probably because you are measuring yourself up against an ideal version that you created which is probably unrealistic to obtain.
No one can do everything in a perfect manner. Therefore, eventually, you need to take a step back and remind yourself that your “perfect” standard may be counterproductive. Striving for perfectionism can be noble, but it is not realistic.
5. Differentiate Humility And Fear
You can feel modest about your achievements. On the other hand, you can feel fearful because of them. When you are good at something, it can be easy to discount their worth. The root cause of this is often your feelings of unworthiness.
When you feel undeserving, any sort of praise feels like a scheme or scam. However, it is completely possible to feel deserving without being entitled or overcome with imposter syndrome. You can find a happy medium.
6. Be Kind To Yourself
Take some things off your plate and remind yourself that you cannot be the expert in one day. Imposter syndrome is normally triggered by the negative voices in our heads telling us “You are not talented enough” or “You are a fraud.”
Negative self-talk is detrimental to your health. It can have a direct impact on your stress and anxiety levels. When you practice kindness towards yourself, you are talking to yourself in a more positive way. Not only can this lower your anxiety and stress levels, but it can also help you build courage.
7. Talk To A Mental Health Professional
A mental health therapist can help you pinpoint feelings linked to imposter syndrome. Your licensed professional counselor can also help you create new behaviors to move past your imposter syndrome. Instead of getting stuck in your negative thoughts, like “I can’t do this”, you can take positive action and move forward.
Additionally, if you are experiencing heightened stress and anxiety, a stress therapist or anxiety therapist can help you deal with these feelings in a productive manner.
Imposter syndrome can be paralyzing. It is important to recognize how your feelings of self-doubt manifest in your life. Once that is identified, you can employ the aforementioned efforts to proceed with your life instead of getting stuck in a dangerous cycle of negative self-talk.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is currently an undergraduate student at the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark, looking to study Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. As a Social Media Manager at Anchor Therapy, Victoria is committed to producing content for and managing the office’s social media presence and blog.
