A member of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex, and Asexual (LGBTQIA+) community, particularly a teenager, is vulnerable to feeling unsafe and unwelcome in many environments. For your teenager to grow healthily, parental support is needed. In other words, the home and family unit should be a safe space for your LGBTQIA+ teen to be themselves and feel encouraged. Regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation, all teenagers want to feel loved and accepted by their parents. Given the numerous societal challenges that an LGBTQIA+ teen must go through, parental support becomes even more important.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, and life transitions. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and telehealth (video/phone) sessions to residents of New Jersey and New York.
When families support their LGBTQIA+ family members, LGBTQIA+ youth can experience:
An increase in their self-esteem
Better general health
Stronger family relationships
Family acceptance also shields LGBTQIA+ youth against:
Depression
Bullying
Substance abuse
Suicide (Feeling suicidal? Help is only a phone call away at the free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255)
As a parent, all you want for your child is the best, but supporting your child is not always easy. While LGBTQIA+ teens are no different than their peers in many ways, they are confronted with unique obstacles that many parents may feel unready to challenge. If you would like to learn specific strategies to support your LGBTQIA+ teen and make them feel safe, read along!
Create an Accepting Household
Children are constantly soaking in their surroundings and studying how people react to different situations. Even teenagers continue to monitor how their parents react to certain people or circumstances. This gives children a clear idea of the type of people that their parents will accept versus the type of people that their parents will reject. They learn to read your cues and pick up on your availability to listen, learn, and prosper.
It is common for children to question their identity, especially during their teenage years. They may be worried that some of the most important individuals in their life, including you, will not be accepting of their true identity. LGBTQIA+ teens know about their true identity before actually voicing it. Concerns over acceptance can delay how public your teen is about their identity. An accepting household provides the foundation for healthy growth.
2. Show Your LGBTQIA+ Teen Love
To merely accept your teenager for their identity is not enough, you must also welcome their openness. Therefore, in addition to curating an accepting household, you have to show your LGBTQIA+ teen love. For LGBTQIA+ teens, expressing their true identity to their parents is one of the most difficult obstacles that they have to undergo. Your acceptance and ongoing love are the catalysts that your teen needs to feel comfortable in expressing their identity with the world. You do not need to know every last detail about the LGBTQIA+ community to be able to showcase affection. Simply being present and open-minded can mean a great deal to your child.
3. Inspire Conversation Between You and Your Teen
While your teen’s identity may be confusing to you, know that they have likely gone through this confusion as well. Creating a dialogue with your teen is crucial to their success and the overall success of your relationship. Before diving in deep, you need to build trust with your teen. This trust can be built by inquiring about their friendships, school work, or day for instance. Most children do want to speak openly with their parents and, taking the first step, allows them to become more expressive. By staying connected to your child’s world, your teen may feel empowered to address bigger issues, like their identity and sexuality. If you are finding it difficult to connect with your teen, you can try to express interest in their hobbies.
For instance, if you know your child likes to go for a run every day, ask if you can join them one morning. Additionally, your child may not want to place a label on the way that they are feeling. Instead of trying to place your child in a box, understand that sexuality is fluid and your child may not be ready to label themselves. Your teen needs to process their emotions before they simplify and explain themselves to other people. Having open communication ensures that your child’s needs are being met and you are not imposing on their individuality.
4. Become Involved in Your Child’s Academic Life
As you know, LGBTQIA+ youth have to experience a different set of obstacles than most teenagers. These hardships can occur anywhere, especially in a school setting. Kids spend a considerable amount of time at school, hence it is important to know what their school life is like. In some cases, going to school may be difficult for an LGBTQIA+ teen due to issues surrounding bullying and intimidation. As a parent, your role goes beyond the home in making sure that your child feels safe at school.
There are many ways you can advance the needs of your child at their school:
First and foremost, it may be a good idea to maintain contact with your child’s teachers. By having a strong relationship with your kid’s instructors, you can be alerted about issues that your child may be too afraid to speak about.
Next, you can push for a gay-straight alliance or GSA. GSA not only makes schools safer but can also positively impact the grades of LGBTQIA+ students.
Lastly, be aware of any knowledge gaps in your child’s curriculum. For example, many schools lack LGBTQIA+ inclusivity in their sex education syllabi. Once you are aware of these gaps, you can help fill them for your kid.
5. Seek LGBTQ Counseling for Your Child
Contrary to popular belief, you do not need to seek LGBTQ counseling solely because of problems. Your gender identity and sexual orientation may not be problems in your life, but you may find that the social stigma of living as a minority to be overwhelming, leaving you in a state of stress or anxiety.
At Anchor Therapy, an LGBTQ friendly therapist can help LGBTQIA+ individuals with regards to:
LGBTQ couples counseling
Polyamorous relationships
Gender identity
Sexuality and sexual orientation
Parents of LGBTQ+ youth
LGBTQ+ kids and teens
Coming out
Relationship issues
Sexual concerns (anxiety, functioning, desire)
Infidelity
Intimacy issues
Sex work
Family planning
Gender reassignment surgery
Overall, your LGBTQIA+ teen cannot healthily prosper without your support. As their parents, you should be reliable and their biggest fan. By following the five techniques outlined above, you are in the right direction for how to care for your LGBTQIA+ teen and their needs.
At Anchor Therapy, our most popular LGBTQIA+ teen virtual group is back! Check out our groups page for updated information! The group will be starting in Fall 2021!
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is currently an undergraduate student at the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark, looking to study Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. As a Social Media Manager at Anchor Therapy, Victoria is committed to producing content for and managing the office’s social media presence and blog.
