Scapegoating in Families, family counseling, Hoboken NJ therapist, Jersey City NJ therapist, hudson county therapist
Courtney Glashow
Understanding the Psychology of Scapegoating in ...

Scapegoating means that you are blaming a person or group for something bad that has happened or for something that someone else has done. Scapegoating typically occurs to protect the image of a person or family. In a family dynamic, a person may be used as the scapegoat to protect a more favored member in the family. While it is common for one person to be used as the scapegoat, it can happen to multiple people.

Scapegoating can occur in different environments, such as work, but it is most prominent in unhealthy family dynamics. In this case, scapegoating then tends to start in childhood when a child is blamed for all of a family’s dysfunction and problems. A scapegoat bears the burden of taking on the mistakes of a family or team. 

When children are assigned this role at a young age, it can wreak havoc on their mental health. A scapegoated child may not believe that they are inherently good, worthy, or lovable. Instead, they hear insults regularly, experience constant bullying, and even abuse and neglect. This leads to a low self-esteem, decreased self-confidence, and negative self-talk. 

Understanding the Psychology of Scapegoating in Families
toxic relationship, relationship counseling, couples therapy, hoboken therapist, jersey city therapist, marriage counseling, nj therapist, nyc therapist, premarital counseling
Courtney Glashow
How To Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship

When you are in a healthy relationship, it naturally functions well. Of course, like any couple, you may have disagreements from time-to-time or there may be some hard times, but you band together no matter what. You are able to make major life decisions together, discuss problems once they occur, and genuinely enjoy spending time with one another.

On the other hand, you have toxic relationships. In a toxic relationship, the ‘norm’ is feeling drained and unhappy after spending time with your partner. This should be a major red flag that some things need to change.

You may still love your partner, but the relationship does not seem enjoyable. Maybe minor issues turn into full-blown arguments or you always seem to provoke one another. It may even get so severe that you dread spending time with your partner instead of getting excited to see them, like you were in the past.

Continue reading this blog to see if your relationship is toxic, and some guidance on how to navigate a toxic relationship.

How To Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship
Intergenerational Trauma, trauma counseling, jersey city therapist, hoboken counseling
Courtney Glashow
Disney’s Encanto: How It Got Intergenerational ...

Disney has a way of exploring heavier life topics that can help children and the 2021 film Encanto is no exception. Movies like Inside Out and Soul also assist children in exploring heavier aspects of life, such as emotions, trauma, consciousness, and even death. Encanto joins the long list of children’s movies that have a deeper message.

Disney’s Encanto offers a multigenerational story about a grandmother and her family who have been endowed with magical gifts. The Madrigal family lives in a hidden village in Colombia. While each family member does their best to live up to their reputation and help others in the community, the facade slowly begins to crumble figuratively and literally in the house that all three generations share.
Not only do people love this movie because of its catchy soundtrack, including the famous song “We don’t talk about Bruno”, but people also love it because of its exploration of generational trauma.

Disney’s Encanto: How It Got Intergenerational Trauma Right
control issues, mental health blog, jersey city therapist, hoboken counseling
Courtney Glashow
7 Ways to Let Go of Control Issues

Do you have a hard time going with the flow? Do you have to follow a schedule or routine at all times? Do you try to control other people in your life? If you are dealing with control issues, it is likely that you feel like you must exert power over your life, relationships, and general environment. In some cases, this exertion of power may extend to the life of other people.

Control can simply be defined as exerting influence or power over the environment, actions, and behaviors of yourself or another person. There are many reasons why you may feel like you need to be in control, such as insecurities or fear of the unpredictable. At times, your need for control may become overwhelming and tiring, causing chaos in your career, relationships, and your overall quality of life.

7 Ways to Let Go of Control Issues
couples therapy, hoboken counseling, jersey city therapist, mental health blog, nyc counselor, relationship counseling
Courtney Glashow
8 Tips for Dealing With A Narcissist

While some people may be quick to throw the word “narcissist” around, it is important to remember that there is a distinction between someone being self-centered and unsympathetic, and someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Many people may have what doctors call narcissistic characteristics, such as feeling entitled or having a strong sense of self-importance. People who have narcissistic personality disorder may be challenging to deal with.

The first step to determine your dynamic with someone who you think is a narcissist is to know the difference between someone with narcissistic tendencies and someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

8 Tips for Dealing With A Narcissist

LGBTQ Page

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The Impact of Trauma on LGBTQIA+ Lives

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The Impact of Trauma on LGBTQIA+ Lives

For many people within the LGBTQIA+ community, the journey of identity acceptance is intertwined with unique celebrations and challenges alike. Unfortunately, for many people in the LGBTQIA+ community, trauma is a common experience that ranges from rejection and discrimination to systematic oppression. Every person’s story is different and the impact of trauma can leave great marks on one’s self-esteem, relationships, and overall mental health and well-being. Recognizing how the experiences in your life affected you is the first step to healing.


Trauma in the LGBTQIA+ population is typically rooted in external pressures to conform to the norms of society. Bullying, family rejection, workplace discrimination, and religious condemnation are just some examples of negative LGBTQIA+ experiences that can create deep emotional scars. There are also systemic barriers in place, from exclusion in certain spaces to a lack of access to affirming care, that can worsen these effects. Even microaggressions can create an ongoing sense of alienation. There are very specific challenges at play for marginalized communities, particularly those in the LGBTQIA+ community.


Understanding the impact of trauma on LGBTQIA+ people is important to create a sense of resilience and carve a path to healing. Particularly with LGBTQIA+ youth, only 4% of people in this community reported never having experienced any symptoms of trauma according to the Trevor Project. With a LGBTQIA+ affirming therapist at Anchor Therapy, you both can create a space where you are seen, valued, and safe.

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What is ethical non-monogamy?

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What is ethical non-monogamy?

Ethical non-monogamy is a romantic relationship structure where all people involved consent to having multiple romantic or sexual relationships. Unlike cheating, all actions in a non-monogamous relationship are ethically conducted where everyone’s boundaries and feelings are being respected and honored. Honesty and open communication are at the forefront of an ethically non-monogamous relationship.

Ethical non-monogamy may also be referred to as an ENM relationship. ENM is an umbrella term for taking part in a romantic or intimate relationship that is not exclusive to just two people. Non-monogamy is simply the opposite of monogamy. A monogamous relationship is where two partners are exclusive with one another and do not engage in romantic or intimate relationships with other people.

To learn how to have a successful ENM relationship, continue to read this blog!

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How to Get the Spark Back in Your Relationship through Sex Therapy

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How to Get the Spark Back in Your Relationship through Sex Therapy

Chances are that you heard about losing the ‘spark’ in a relationship or marriage before. One of the most common myths of any long-term romantic connection is that passion and intimacy will only decrease with time, not grow stronger or more intense. The spark is that inherent sense of excitement that you feel when you are with your loved one. In other words, it is that ‘butterflies in your stomach’ feeling.

While it is normal to get comfortable with your partner over time, it is always possible to get the spark back- it is not lost for good. Whether you are in a new relationship or have been with your significant other for a while, continue reading this blog to learn more about how sex therapy can enhance the intimacy in your romantic relationship. 

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How to Support Your Child After They Come Out

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How to Support Your Child After They Come Out

If your child or teen comes out to you, how you react deeply matters. Raising children does not come with a manual or how-to guide. It is okay to not know how to react in every and all situations- you have to do what feels right for you and your family. 

If your child turns to you to reveal that they are LGBTQIA+ and are ready to come out, it is a great sign of trust that they can confide in you for something like this. This is a great sign showcasing their comfort level with you! But even so, you may have some questions or you may be wondering exactly how you should react. There are steps you can take to ensure that you are building a safe, inclusive home for your LGBTQIA+ child or teen.

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6 Benefits of Polyamorous Couples Therapy

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6 Benefits of Polyamorous Couples Therapy

Non-monogamy is a general term for any relationship outside of monogamy, including polyamory. Polyamory is a specific type of non-monogamy. Polyamory is when a person or partners have multiple romantic connections. The word “polyamory” actually has its roots in Greek and Latin meaning “many loves.”

Polyamorous relationships can include emotional connection as well as sexual activity. In polyamorous relationships, everyone is aware of the type of relationship they are in and mutual consent is given.

In recent years, polyamorous relationships have grown in popularity and even become more mainstream due to their presence in the media, such as seen on Dr. Orna Guralnik’s show Couples Therapy. For a breakdown on this hit television show, read our past blog “Dr. Orna Guralnik’s Couples Therapy Show: A Window Into Real Relationships.” While more people know about polyamorous relationships, there may be a lack of resources for those involved in these types of connections. At Anchor Therapy, we have couples counselors who specialize in polyamorous relationships. 

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4 Tips On How To Build Close Relationships Within The Immediate Family

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4 Tips On How To Build Close Relationships Within The Immediate Family

Every family has a different structure, background, culture, and set of values. For some, family relationships come easy. However, the “perfect” family doesn’t really exist. There’s so many different variations and circumstances for families that it can be stressful to adjust to the particular environment. 

The “standard” family structure, the American Dream, consists of two parents, one or two kids, a nice house, and financial stability. Yet, it’s important to be aware that The American Dream isn’t exactly realistic. You can still be satisfied with your family and life when it doesn’t necessarily adhere to the “perfect” standard.

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Dr. Orna Guralnik's Couples Therapy Show: A Window into Real Relationships

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Dr. Orna Guralnik's Couples Therapy Show: A Window into Real Relationships

Dr. Orna Guralnik, is a New York City-based Clinical Psychologist and Psychoanalyst, who rose to fame due to her hit Showtime television show, Couples Therapy. Couples Therapy is a documentary series that follows couples as they try to navigate their troubles and concerns. This unscripted series features real couples from the greater New York City area.

As viewers work through the show’s three seasons, they are taught to view the therapeutic process through a lens of compassion and empathy instead of hastiness. Episode by episode, viewers are immersed into the real world of couples counseling, viewing the progress and occasional backsliding of couples.

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4 Common Mental Health Struggles that LGBTQIA+ College Students Face

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4 Common Mental Health Struggles that LGBTQIA+ College Students Face

The month of June has been dedicated to celebrating the LGBTQIA+ community. This is a time where inclusion, acceptance, and expression of oneself are all emphasized and flaunted. Fun, colorful, vibrant celebrations, outfits, and parades take place nationwide during this month. 

As a society we have made great strides since the Stonewall Uprising which was the very incident that initiated marches in support of the community and equal rights that then blossomed into pride celebrations throughout the month of June. It is significant to consider that the younger members of the LGBTQIA+ community are experiencing a different reality than previous generations, even when there are unique challenges endured by most that are associated with being LGBTQIA+ in college. 

The support of our society during this time becomes very apparent from the first day of the month when companies change their logos to include the rainbow flag. Whole clothing lines are created plastered with the rainbow flag. Certain products are even rebranded to broadcast the colors that reflect the spectrum of human sexuality and gender as well as the diversity of members within the LGBTQIA+ community. Whether they are genuine or not, these gestures are far more positive than the previous outwardly homophobic undertones many of the leading institutions in our country projected in campaigns and advertisements that reflected their social beliefs. These efforts can be appreciated by members of this community that are immersed in the community and frequently exposed to pop culture hot topics, like college students who identify as LGBTQIA+. 

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What You Need To Know To Find A Gender-Affirming Therapist

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What You Need To Know To Find A Gender-Affirming Therapist

A person’s sex is usually assigned at birth. It is primarily determined by external genitalia, but other factors, such as hormones, chromosomes, and internal organs, can serve as a confirmation. At birth, newborns are labeled as male or female and, in some unique situations, as intersex. 

One’s gender identity refers to the subjective sense that a person has that they are male, female, or other. A person’s gender identity is determined by their brain rather than their sexual anatomy. It is agreed upon that most children have a sense of their gender identity by the age of four years old, although it may occur earlier or later in life depending on the individual. 

You may feel like the gender assigned to you at birth does not fit you. Maybe you feel uncomfortable about certain gender stereotypes. Perhaps you struggle with parts of your body. Whatever the cause for concern is, your feelings surrounding your gender are valid.


In the beginning, you may have more questions than answers, and that is okay. Luckily, a LGBTQIA+-affirming therapist can assist you throughout your gender transition, affirming you each step of the way.

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How LGBTQIA+ Couples Counseling Is Unique

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How LGBTQIA+ Couples Counseling Is Unique

Are you in a LGBTQIA+ relationship and experiencing frequent conflicts or disagreements in your relationship? Do you and your partner struggle with meaningful connection, infidelity, or lack of intimacy? Are you in need of a LGBTQIA+ couples therapist who is culturally competent and understands LGBTQIA+ issues? If so, keep reading this article!

Couples counseling can benefit any couple at any time, but it can be especially beneficial for LGBTQIA+ couples who face a unique set of challenges. Therapeutic work in the LGBTQIA+ community is different. Typically, the focus of couples counseling, particularly in the media, can be centered around heterosexual, monogamous couples. The lack of representation you may witness is no need to stop you from seeking the help your relationship deserves and needs.

You may feel stuck in your relationship at the moment. For example, your partnership may look very different from what you envisioned for yourself. You may have issues surrounding communication or need to learn how to work collaboratively to tackle life issues. Like many other couples, when you avoid these behaviors, they can turn into patterns that negatively affect your relationship in the long-run. These patterns can manifest as daily fights or chronic silent treatments.

Whether you and your partner are battling intimacy issues, exploring the possibility of an open relationship, or dealing with the aftermath of infidelity, these situations can breed excess stress, anxiety, and the weakening of a connection for any couple. When you couple these problems with identity-specific struggles, the setbacks can worsen the quality of your relationship, making LGBTQIA+ couples therapy that much more necessary.

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How to Support Your LGBTQIA+ Family Member and Become An Ally

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How to Support Your LGBTQIA+ Family Member and Become An Ally

Generally, many people know that June is Pride Month. However, you may not know what it means exactly. Simply, Pride Month is a movement for people in the LGBTQIA+ community and allies to celebrate differences while promoting equal rights. It is a time when those in the LGBTQIA+ community celebrate the freedom they have to be themselves.

Gender identity and sexual orientation are acknowledged, honored, and, most importantly, accepted. Celebrating Pride Month as an ally can be important for those in the LGBTQIA+ community since it signals love and acceptance by non-LGBTQIA+ people as a whole.

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5 Ways to Support your LGBTQIA+ Teen

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5 Ways to Support your LGBTQIA+ Teen

A member of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex, and Asexual (LGBTQIA+) community, particularly a teenager, is vulnerable to feeling unsafe and unwelcome in many environments. For your teenager to grow healthily, parental support is needed. In other words, the home and family unit should be a safe space for your LGBTQIA+ teen to be themselves and feel encouraged. Regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation, all teenagers want to feel loved and accepted by their parents. Given the numerous societal challenges that an LGBTQIA+ teen must go through, parental support becomes even more important.

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How LGBTQ+ Teens Benefit From Virtual Support Groups

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How LGBTQ+ Teens Benefit From Virtual Support Groups

Our LGBTQ+ Teen Group is our most popular support group for a reason. Most teens could use extra support from their peers to relate to and see that they are not alone in their struggles. Teens who identify as LGBTQ+ have a higher level of mental health issues and are in need of more support, acceptance, and guidance. When someone is questioning their identity, it is typically hard to know what to do about the possibility of coming out to others or how to process what they are feeling. Being in a group can help teens not only get support from likeminded peers, but it can also help them explore themselves more and find out who they truly are. A LGBTQ+ specific group provides the safe space needed to build a teen’s confidence.

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How To Support Your LGBTQ+ Teen

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How To Support Your LGBTQ+ Teen

Your pre-teen and teenage years are filled with time of exploring the world and how you fit in it. Identity becomes a huge topic of exploration for most teens. Your teen may be contemplating anything from as simple as their future career goals up to their gender identity or sexual orientation. This is typically a time that you may find your teen to come out to you by identifying as being a part of the LGBTQ+ community. As a parent, no matter how accepting you are, this may come as a surprise to you and it may take some time to process. Once you have processed this new information, you can then take some extra steps to support your teen as they navigate their new identity and grow into an adult.

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Does Coming Out As LGBTQ Ever End?

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Does Coming Out As LGBTQ Ever End?

As a psychotherapist in Hoboken, NJ who specializes in seeing lgbtq identified clients, I find that the coming out process never ends- no matter what age or how long ago you first came out. In hoboken and jersey city, there are a lot of accepting groups and people that welcome the lgbtq community. We are also so close to NYC that it makes sense for hudson county to be pretty liberal and accepting of all people- no matter how they identify. While I say I specialize in the LGBTQ community, I really mean that I am accepting of all people and I have experience working with people who identify as something they feel is different than the population “norm”. There are definitely unique hardships that accompany identifying as lgbtq, such as the coming out process. And that process never ends.