The COVID-19 pandemic has left many Brides with feelings of uncertainty. If you are planning a wedding during this pandemic, those moments of uncertainty are likely magnified with feelings of anxiety, fear, and frustration. So many Brides and couples planning weddings right now are struggling to manage the planning process. As a psychotherapist, I can give you some tools that can be used to help you cope with the stress of planning.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, and life transitions. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing telehealth (video/phone) sessions to residents of New Jersey and New York.
The Engagement Period:
The process of the engagement period can be exciting for both partners. Of course, the partner who is planning the proposal may experience anxiety, but overall it is an exciting time for the couple. Some people have been planning their weddings since they could walk or talk, others have not put any thought into it. Regardless, the couple will embark on the process of figuring out how they plan to celebrate their commitment.
Now, due to the pandemic, engagements have started to look different than normal. Anxiety is usually a part of the planning process, however now there is pandemic related stress to deal with. Planning around restrictions that have been set in place are changing regularly, which causes Brides and couples to feel immense amount of stress and anxiety.
The Planning Period:
Wedding planning pre-COVID was stressful enough. Typically, during the wedding planning process, you would receive an enormous amount of unsolicited advice from people in your lives. During the COVID wedding planning process, the anxiety surrounding the wedding day has become even more overwhelming.
Back in March, some couples had experienced heartbreak and frustration when they were told as few as 2 days prior to their wedding that they were required to cancel. Other couples thought that they would be able to have their dream wedding 2 months later, then to be advised that they too, had to cancel their weddings. And then summer came along, and weddings were finally able to move forward- but not necessarily as planned.
Countless couples had to downsize their guest list. Remember the beginning of wedding planning when you tried to tell your mom that her cousin’s brother’s aunt’s co-worker was going to be cut from the guest list, but somehow managed to make it on to the final A- List? Multiply that anxiety by about 50, and that’s probably about how high your anxiety is when it comes to cutting 100 people from your guest list due to CDC restrictions. As a Bride, the decreased COVID guest list is one of many items on the wedding planning list that is causing you anxiety at this time.
For many couples who had planned original wedding dates after mid-March 2020, the postponing process has been overwhelming. You have to find a date that the venue has available, along with all other vendors you have contracts with. It can create frustrations, tears, and arguments. This can all lead to added anxiety to Brides and couples.
more planning stressors that arise during rescheduling:
Ordering new invitations
Choosing the new date
Postponing honeymoon plans
Safety concerns
Overall decision making
Have you had the following thoughts during your wedding planning process during the pandemic?:
Will I have to postpone my date?
Will my wedding have a dance floor?
Are all of my guests going to be wearing face masks?
Will I even be able to get married on my original wedding date?
How do I know what is the best option for my partner and myself?
Since March 2020, it feels as though we have been living in a perpetual state of uncertainty. There are so many questions that you don’t have the answers to. We have had to become comfortable with the uncomfortable, and learn how to live with uncertainty. About 7 months into the pandemic, there is still not a clear indication when weddings can resume functioning as they did prior to March 2020. Many couples who have planned or rescheduled their wedding into 2021 are continuing to postpone another year out of fear that things won’t be back to normal yet.
Some couples may have to decide to postpone once, twice, or three times. This may also include an elopement or micro wedding and the formal wedding later on. It may mean to cancel the big wedding all together, and just focus on the legal and/or religious ceremony. It will be different for each couple, but making the decision that works best for you and your families can be incredibly difficult.
ways to cope with the anxiety and uncertainty of planning a wedding during the pandemic:
Get organized: Writing down the different options, priorities, and pros and cons can be helpful during this process. No one knows how the next few months will pan out, however making decisions and exerting control over things that can be controlled is a key way to minimize the anxiety that is triggered by continued uncertainties.
Mindfulness Exercises: Mindfulness and meditation exercises can help to decrease stress and anxiety. Youtube has thousands of different guided meditations that can be streamed.
Listen to your favorite music: Music can be another helpful tool to decrease anxiety. It is important to listen to music that will create peace, either through the lyrics or melody.
Journaling: Journaling is an effective tool to cope with uneasy and uncertain thoughts. Writing down your ideas can get those uneasy feelings off your mind and organize them in order to create a healthier mindset.
Go to therapy: Taking the time to meet with a therapist will be the start of coping with the different emotions that you’re feeling at this time. Your therapist can assist in some, if not all, of the follow:
Making those hard decisions! Processing through different thoughts and plans with your therapist can assist in making those decisions and problem solving. Your therapist can help guide you to prioritize.
Your therapist can also help to build up your communication skills. With so many uncertainties and questions at this time, the communication between couples can be difficult.
To help you cope with the extra stress and anxiety that comes with planning a wedding, especially during the pandemic.
Therapy is a commitment and promise to yourself that you are moving forward in accomplishing your goals. Therapy is not only for individuals with diagnosed mental health disorders or other mental health issues. If you have not thought about therapy before, or you have been considering therapy, but have not moved forward in that process, the perfect time is now! Brides, Grooms, and couples can always benefit from therapy in order to help cope with making decisions, communicating effectively, and coping with the stress of planning.
And remember, you have found the person that you are committing to marry and build a life with. Your wedding is one of the most important days of your life. Unfortunately, there are likely compromises or sacrifices that have to be made right now, but it is so important to remember what the wedding means. The wedding ceremony and celebration is the first day of the commitment of marriage. With COVID-19, there are no rules when it comes to these uncharted waters. A wedding now can be as unique, creative, and different as you wish to make it!
Are you interested in joining a Pandemic Wedding Planning Support Group with other NJ Brides led by a psychotherapist? Complete our form at the bottom of this page!
Michele Passman, LCSW
is a licensed psychotherapist practicing in Hoboken, New Jersey. She specializes in helping adults with anxiety, depression, substance abuse, relationship issues, and life transitions through counseling. Michele can help NJ residents through telehealth (video/phone) therapy sessions as well.
