We are living in the age of anxiety. People are stressed in every sphere of their lives and there are new challenges everyday related to our jobs and our relationships with friends and family.
Anxiety actually has a purpose. Its natural function is to alert us to potential threats that allows us to evaluate and respond to them in appropriate ways. Anxiety can help us perform better and can stimulate creativity and action. Anxiety can actually be rewarding: putting oneself in a situation that may be terrifying initially, but powering through often comes with great rewards.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, and life transitions. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and telehealth (video/phone) sessions to residents of New Jersey and New York.
Anxiety is one of the most common mental health issues. It is estimated that 40 million people in this country alone suffer from the symptoms. To be clear both men and women experience anxiety, however, women are much more likely to acknowledge and attempt to address the symptoms, whether it be through counseling or simply opening up to somebody they trust. Men have generally been socialized to “grin and bear it” or simply repress the feelings.
When anxiety becomes chronic and/or overwhelming it can develop into an Anxiety Disorder. Anxiety Disorders include:
Generalized Anxiety Disorder - excessive and persistent worries often for no apparent reason.
Social Anxiety or Phobia - an intense and persistent fear about being negatively judged and evaluated by others and causes an avoidance of social situations.
Panic Disorder - sudden feelings of intense fear or terror when there is no real danger.
We as humans are born with the ability to express the full range of emotions; anger, happiness, sadness, fear, disgust and everything in between. What clashes with this ability however, is that boys are socialized from a very young age to adopt the traits that make up a traditional form of masculinity.
These traits that boys typically adopt include:
Competitiveness
Dominance
Aggression
Stoicism
Stoicism is the endurance of pain or hardship without the display of feelings and without complaint.
The trouble with stoicism is that many boys learn from an early age that to express emotion is a sign of weakness. Unfortunately, even to this day, these attitudes are often reinforced by both men and women who unconsciously adhere to these notions of traditional masculinity. It is this stoicism that boys internalize that leaves them ill-equipped to identify and deal with their emotions. Stoicism and a reluctance to admit to vulnerability can hamstring men, not only in connecting in personal relationships, but in managing their mental health overall.
When a man comes into treatment, he will often talk about symptoms that may point to anxiety. For example:
“I was at a basketball game with my kids and I couldn’t focus on the game at all. I was wondering about how long it will take us to walk to the parking garage and what will the traffic be like going home. It was very unlike me.”
“I have been having trouble sleeping lately. I typically have no problems, but I have been just lying awake at night tossing and turning.”
“Lately I notice I’ve been drinking a lot more. Typically, I’m good with a beer or two when I’m out socially, but I’ve been really pounding the beers when I’m out. My girlfriend has noticed and is concerned.”
“I’ve been waking up every day feeling achy and fatigued. I’m also getting headaches on a pretty regular basis which is not typical for me.”
While expressions of anxiety are not entirely different then those of women, some of the above illustrate what medical and mental health professionals hear from men that can often point to underlying anxiety; physical symptoms such as muscle aches and pains and angry outbursts and overall irritability. I often have had men come to treatment because they feel or have been told that they have “anger management” issues. I always ask questions to assess for anxiety and more often than not, there is considerable anxiety that the person was not even aware of. These moments can be revelatory and the client can begin to process the feelings and learn coping skills.
The tendency for men to respond to anxiety by bottling up or minimizing their feelings often can lead them to false coping strategies such as the use of alcohol and drugs, gambling and other damaging behaviors. People in general often turn to alcohol because of the relaxing effect that may temporarily reduce feelings of anxiety, but in fact, alcohol, in particular, can significantly increase anxiety. I often have clients who talk about how their anxiety ramps up considerably after a night of drinking and there is a physiological basis for this that I often share with clients. One fact is that alcohol suppresses glutamate which is an excitatory neurotransmitter in the brain. When the alcohol wears off, the body has adjusted to the glutamate suppression by making more glutamate and this extra glutamate can promote anxiety. In short, drinking alcohol can increase the amount of anxiety you experience.
There are several routine things that a person can do to manage and reduce the symptoms of anxiety. Exercise and a nutritious, balanced diet are essential to reducing anxiety. Some examples include:
Regularly engaging in exercise releases feel-good endorphins and other brain chemicals that can enhance a sense of well-being. Doing 30 minutes or more of exercise 3 to 5 days per week has shown to be very effective in reducing levels of stress.
Good nutrition is key to keeping a mood stable and keeping one energized.
Learning to breathe properly can do wonders for anxiety in the moment and is something that one can practice anywhere and at any time basically; sitting on a work call, in a Zoom meeting or while on public transportation going to work for instance.
The importance of having social connections and support networks for good mental and well-being are crucial and cannot be overstated and I always encourage people to develop and nurture these connections. It is most important to be ready to talk to someone whether it be a trusted friend or loved one. Taking a chance and talking to a licensed mental health therapist can be extremely beneficial and provides a safe environment to discuss all kinds of issues that may be going on and ways to deal with them
When a man can become more comfortable with talking about his emotional life, not only will it help to reduce anxiety, it will help the ongoing process of reducing the stigma around mental health issues.
Jim Mindnich, LCSW, LCSW-R
is a licensed psychotherapist practicing in Hoboken, New Jersey. He specializes in helping teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, substance abuse, relationship issues, men’s issues, grief, marital/family issues, education/career stress, and life transitions through counseling. Jim can help NJ and NY residents through telehealth (video/phone) therapy sessions as well.
