Telehealth has always been a useful tool to provide therapy services to many individuals over the years. It allows those who would otherwise be unable to attend regular sessions access even if their life and schedule make it difficult. During this pandemic of the spread of COVID-19, couples are able to take advantage of this time to start couples counseling and work on their relationship through telehealth sessions. Many are wondering how telehealth works when it comes to couples counseling. As a couples counselor, I have been providing these services through telehealth for years and have found it to be equally effective as in-person sessions. I hope to answer some questions and concerns while also reassuring anyone interested in telehealth during this time of isolation that you can get help regardless of circumstance.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, and life transitions. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing telehealth (video/phone) sessions to residents of New Jersey and New York.
What should I expect from telehealth couples counseling?
Relationships take a lot of work, no matter the stage. Counseling helps to better understand and then work through whatever is creating tension between you and your partner. When in counseling, you and your partner will have a safe space to openly discuss your issues and work together as a team to improve the relationship. Counseling is a great resource to guide you in addressing any stressors while learning how to work as a team to improve the overall quality of your connection.
Whether you have experience in therapy or this is the first time, it can feel a little uncomfortable to share the inner workings of your life with a stranger. If this is your concern, please be rest assured that this is a common concern. A trained therapist will help you to feel comfortable and make sure to go at the pace that is best for you and your partner. The first session is spent learning about each individual and your relationship as a couple. I use this time to get to know each person in the relationship and help them to express their perspective. Together, we will set goals and begin to identify the issues that have been creating distance and discontent. Every couple's goal will be different, based on the needs and hopes of each partner, towards improving the relationship. Telehealth does not deter the overall flow of therapy and it actually adds the comfort of learning to reconnect within the security of your own home.
Can telehealth counseling work for me and how is it different?
Couples counseling can be a lifeline during this pandemic for your relationship through telehealth services. Telehealth consists of video and phone counseling. A skilled therapist will be able to provide just as much guidance and support through telehealth as in person. The only true difference is the physical space we operate in, but all other tools and skills will remain the same. Many people have expressed concerns or skepticism around how well the couple can connect to their counselor as well as if the counselor can operate with the same level of skill and intuition. The therapist will be able to pick up on all the same important cues through video as they would in person. When I am holding a session with a couple, I often pay attention to expressions, body language, tone changes, and so on. Luckily these all translate perfectly well through telehealth, providing me all the same important information needed to help each couple in the therapy process.
There is an added benefit to virtual counseling that many overlook:
You and your partner will be working on your issues together in your own home. Why is this a benefit? You will be able to learn how to communicate effectively, openly and compassionately in the place where you spend most of your time together. This is a fantastic tool as you will be modeling the behavior you want to carry into your day-to-day life in the place where you will utilize it most. Learning new skills and coping mechanisms in your environment adds another level of practice and a foundation for what you will hope to continue when the session is complete. It will feel more natural and organic when the session is over to continue the important conversation that was started during therapy. This makes it much easier for many of the couples I have worked with through telehealth in the past.
In a traditional couples counseling session, it ends once the couple walks out of the therapy room. In virtual therapy, you will be able to pull from the emotion and open communication in session and continue that dialogue afterward in the comfort of your own home. My clients have reported just as much success in telehealth couples counseling sessions at home than in person. Couples who utilize telehealth sessions have found great ways to work on continuing difficult conversations when they can do so in their own space.
How can couples counseling help my relationship?
Couples counseling is always a great way to improve the quality of your relationship. A recently engaged couple might find it a great opportunity to openly discuss future goals, hopes, and fears for the future, while a couple of many years can use therapy to find ways to help their relationship maintain its excitement and romance. Couples counseling is an extremely helpful resource during difficult times and periods of transition. There are common concerns that couples often want to work through in couples counseling, including:
Isolating through COVID-19
Money
Parenting
Sex
Infidelity
In-laws
Chronic health issues
Infertility
Gambling
Substance use
Emotional distance
Frequent conflict
Pre-marital and marriage issues
Think about your current relationship. Do you find that you and your partner are having the same argument over and over again, feeling unheard or misunderstood, or feel as if you are becoming angry with your partner faster than you would like? Are you struggling to find new things to talk about or feel like your intimacy has taken a back seat to the stresses of life? These are signs that it could be time to reach out for help. In counseling, your therapist will help you learn to better communicate through your issues in a way that works for each partner. When I am helping a couple, I focus on each partner’s needs and help them find a way to give and receive love in a way that feels the most impactful. You will learn so much about your partner while remembering all the things that brought you together in the first place.
Why is counseling important for my relationship now?
While there are common issues that bring couples into therapy, there are many new ones that most couples have not experienced before. The current situation of the spread of the coronavirus has tested even the strongest of relationships. It can be extremely difficult to find the energy and time to discuss your relationship while also working to process all the recent changes that have come into your life. Stress levels are at an all-time high, and it can be exhausting to adjust to the uncertainty of the world right now. Have you noticed that you and your partner are arguing more and possibly taking out this stress on one another? It can be very hard to break out of a negative cycle when external stressors are this extreme. One of the most important lessons I work on with every couple is remembering that you are a team. No matter what you face, you are in it together.
It can be difficult to see this when the world is upside down due to the spread of COVID-19, but a counselor can help you learn how to lean on each other for support. Now more than ever you will need each other and want your partner to understand your fears, needs, and future goals.
I have often heard clients express that before they started therapy they felt worried about judgment and that counseling means their relationship is too strained for repair. I understand that fear and want to remind everyone that reaching out for help in a time of struggle shows nothing but strength and commitment. No matter the issue, couples counseling will help you better understand the next steps in your journey and find the clarity you need to move forward.
How do we get started?
If you have more questions or are interested in finding out more about starting couples counseling with telehealth please reach out to our intake coordinator Courtney by completing the form below. Courtney will give you all the information you need to know when setting up an appointment and to make sure couples counseling is right for you. If you feel comfortable, please explain a little bit about yourself, your relationship, and what you're looking for help with. If you're not comfortable discussing this over email, that's no problem at all. You can email Courtney explaining that you are interested in couples counseling to get started.
Lauren Mandelbaum, LPC, NCC, CCMHC
is a licensed psychotherapist practicing in Hoboken, New Jersey. She specializes in helping teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, and life transitions through counseling. Lauren can help NJ residents through telehealth (video/phone) therapy sessions as well.
