Let us face the truth of the matter- sometimes standing in front of a mirror and telling yourself all of these really wonderful things when it does not match how you are feeling inside seems pointless. There is an obvious disconnect in the moment; however, affirmations do promote self-confidence over an extended period of time and usage. For more information, read “5 Ways to Build Self-Confidence.”
Affirmations are an effective way to manage and alter any unhelpful and/or negative thoughts or behavior patterns you may be experiencing. During challenging times, affirmations can enhance your self-esteem and confidence. By using affirmations daily, you will begin to conquer your fears and self-sabotaging tendencies as well as mitigate your stress and anxiety.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, couples, and families with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
How do affirmations work?
Your brain has the ability to alter itself and transform according to life circumstances throughout the duration of your life due to neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity can help us understand why affirmations work and how we can get the most out of a daily affirmation exercise.
As you may already know, the brain sometimes has a difficult time distinguishing between reality and the imaginary. While we generally see this as a bad thing most times (think of anxiety triggers), it can be helpful in a case like this where we are discussing affirmations.
When you create a mental image of you doing something, for example let us imagine that you are a teenager who is interviewing at your dream college, you are actually triggering several of the areas in your brain that would be activated as if you were actually engaging in that imagined task.
Therefore, when you regularly repeat affirming statements about yourself and your abilities, you are encouraging your brain to take what you are saying as a matter of fact. By truly believing that you can accomplish something, your actions will begin to follow suit.
Using affirmations can help put you at ease before an anxiety-provoking task, such as that college admission interview. If you are in this situation, check out our blog “How To Support Your Teen Through High School and College Application Anxiety.”
By knowing you are prepared, you can avoid engaging in self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviors that would possibly impede on your success. For more information, our blog “How to Stop Self-Sabotaging for Good” is a must-read.
Do not ignore the importance of taking action
While affirmations are great, we can think of them like a starting point. Affirmations give you the boost of self-confidence and motivation you need to move forward and actually take action. Affirmations are the first step in fostering change, but they do not create that change directly.
Consider a situation where you are talking to an in-law who you are having boundary issues with. This in-law may try to poke and pry into extremely personal details of your life and, even though you have no intention of answering his or her questions, it does get you angry.
In this moment, you can tell yourself “I honor my boundaries and communicate them assertively. I create healthy relationships based on mutual respect and understanding. When my boundaries are crossed, I calmly let the other person know.”
This affirmation may help you recenter in the midst of a triggering moment. Your first gut instinct may be to snap at your in-law, or take it out on your partner, but you can actively choose to state an affirmation in your head. This affirmation may even lead you to additional habits, like meditating or doing another grounding exercise.
For help with this issue, check out our blog “How To Survive Your In-Laws: A Guide to Family Therapy.”
Shifting negative self-talk
Affirmations are positive sayings that are used on a daily basis to shift internal negative self-talk. How we speak to ourselves is so important because it influences other facets of your life, such as your mindset, emotions, behaviors, and overall mental wellness.
When you speak to yourself positively, you can enhance your self-esteem and reinforce your sense of self-worth. Negative self-talk will leave you feeling inadequate, questioning your every move and lessening your confidence. For more insight, check out our blog “Do You Understand Your Self-Esteem?”.
By speaking to yourself in an optimistic way that is rooted in reality, you will build resilience and construct a growth mindset. A growth mindset is when you believe that you can grow through dedication and hard work. On the other hand, negative self-talk leads to self-doubt, a negative outlook on life, and a fixed mindset. A fixed mindset is when you believe there are qualities about yourself that you cannot change no matter how hard you try.
Self-talk also plays a major role in your ability to self-regulate. Positive self-talk provides you with the internal tools needed to manage stress, anxiety, and other negative emotions in an easier way. Whereas, negative self-talk can actually worsen negative emotions you may be experiencing which can lead to serious mental health issues, such as anxiety and depression.
If you think you may be struggling, take our Anxiety Quiz and Depression Quiz to find out more information.
The way you speak to yourself has a direct effect on the quality of your daily life. Affirmations can increase positive self-talk and even help you find areas within yourself where you may need to give a little extra care, attention, and healing to. For example, you may be completing affirmations daily to help with your social anxiety and, through this work, you are able to connect how body image issues may be feeding into your fear of social situations. For help with these two topics, read our blogs “6 Helpful Tips for Living with Social Anxiety” and “How to Overcome Body Image Issues.”
Here are some ways you can transform negative self-talk into positive affirmations:
Negative self-talk: “I cannot complete this task. It is way too hard.”
Positive affirmation: “I am capable of overcoming challenges and I can accomplish more than I may believe in the moment. I grow through these learning processes.”
Negative self-talk: “I am so dumb for making that mistake.”
Positive affirmation: “I am a human and making mistakes is inevitable. The important thing is that I grow from that mistake and learn.”
Negative self-talk: “I am too young/old to go after my dreams.”
Positive affirmation: “I am never too young or old to chase my dreams and build a fulfilling, joy-filled life.”
Negative self-talk: “I will never be good enough.”
Positive affirmation: “I do not need to change anything about myself to be worthy of love, happiness, and success.”
For more information, check out our blog “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Negative Self-Talk.”
At Anchor Therapy, we have CBT therapists who are trained to help you modify your thoughts so you can change your reality. In CBT therapy, you will first identify your negative thought patterns and, then, challenge those negative beliefs.
CBT teaches you to replace negative self-talk with a positive alternative statement. You may create or practice positive affirmations that counteract the negative thoughts you are experiencing to promote healthy self-esteem and resilience.
How can I decide on an affirmation?
Affirmations can be done anywhere and at any time which make them an extremely convenient mental health tool. Additionally, affirmations are generally easy to create or find online or through books, journals, and other mental health resources. With that being said, there are some guidelines you should aim to follow when it comes to crafting the perfect affirmation.
When choosing an affirmation, you should aim to avoid toxic positivity. Your affirmation should not ignore the very real issues you are going through. For example, if you just got laid off from your job, it is important to acknowledge that in your affirmations. Therefore, you could say something like “I am resilient and capable. Losing my job is a temporary setback, but I trust that new opportunities will come my way. I embrace this life transition as a time to grow and learn.” For support, read “Navigating Job Loss with Career Counseling.”
Toxic positivity occurs in affirmations when you dismiss reality which can end up feeling inauthentic altogether. You can do both things at the same time- acknowledge your difficulties while shifting your mindset to a more positive space rooted in reality. For more background on toxic positivity and how to overcome this obstacle, read our blog “Overcoming the Trap of Toxic Positivity.”
It is normal to have stress in your life and, talking about your life as if stress is not present, does not make it go away and magically disappear. Discuss the challenges that are occuring in your life while also talking about all of those times in the past where you have gone through those challenges and come out of them as a better, stronger version of yourself.
Affirmations do not work on the surface-level. When doing your daily affirmations, this is a time to get truthful and deep with yourself to figure out the core issues you are really struggling with. What are you looking for in an affirmation to ensure that it will really resonate with you?
While there are many affirmations out there, not every single affirmation will resonate with you. For instance, what works for you may not work for your best friend, and vice versa. If an affirmation or general affirmation practice does not feel right to you, it will not work in the long-term. So, take some time to figure out what your goals are for adopting an affirmation routine. You may even want to start small, such as practicing affirmations three days a week and working yourself up from there.
Studies have shown that there are many benefits to affirmations. Here are some reasons why you may want to adopt a daily positive affirmation routine:
Enhancing your self-confidence
Managing your stress and anxiety
Promoting a positive mindset
Improving your self-esteem
Setting intentions
Triggering motivation
Gaining resilience
How can I use affirmations?
Once you have decided why you want to pursue a daily affirmation exercise and exactly what affirmation(s) you will use, it is time to put it all into practice! By using your affirmations regularly, they will gain power and become more effective.
To be helpful, affirmations need to be used on a consistent basis. For example, if you are telling yourself all week “I do not deserve this job. I feel like an imposter.” and, then, one day each week you tell yourself “I am skilled and deserving of my job.”, the positive affirmation will not do much. For support, read “7 Ways to Combat Imposter Syndrome.”
When you are saying an affirmation, be sure to use it in the present tense. This makes your brain believe that the statement is true and it is already occurring in the present moment. This helps your brian accept the statement a little bit easier. Using present tense affirmations can actually activate certain areas of the brain so it is focused on the future and creating behavioral changes to match your desired goals.
Creating a habit takes time, and it can be hard to integrate a new task into your daily routine. Using affirmations daily strengthens them and also gives you easier access to them during difficult times since, the more you do an affirmation, the more you remember it. Completing an affirmation in and of itself can also lower stress in the moment due to your brain’s reward system.
When it comes to practicing an affirmation daily, you can:
Minimize distractions
Practice in a quiet space
Use the same set of affirmations each week
Schedule a daily time to practice
Decide how many times you are going to say each affirmation (e.g., each statement is repeated ten times)
Practicing affirmations on a daily basis can help you cope with difficult life transitions and even manage mental health issues, like anxiety and depression. While you maintain a positive, realistic view of yourself, you can overcome hardships while fortifying your strengths. Positive affirmations will enhance your mindset, offer motivation so you can achieve your aspirations, and encourage positive self-talk.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager and Intake Coordinator at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark. In her roles, Victoria is committed to managing the office’s social media presence and prioritizing clients' needs.
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