While people often think of couples counseling as a tool to prevent separation, if you and your partner have taken the step towards divorce, therapy can be equally as helpful. Divorce can be a painful process, and divorce counseling can be a positive force in guiding you through the process. As different emotions arise, your divorce therapist can assist you in recognizing and working through them.
In addition to dealing with the tangible components of a divorce, you will also have to deal with the emotional aspects. Many people who get divorced undergo the five stages of grief.
The five stages of grief include:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
If you want to specifically focus on grief counseling, check out our blog “What to Expect in Grief Counseling.”
From dealing with the five stages of grief to figuring out the next steps in your life, seeking divorce counseling can be a great move. If you and your partner are both struggling, it can be helpful to complete divorce therapy together and work through the process mutually.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, and life transitions. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and telehealth (video/phone) sessions to residents of New Jersey and New York.
What is divorce counseling?
Divorce therapy is a type of psychotherapy that focuses on investigating, pinpointing, and settling conflicts. These efforts are created to either comprehend why your partner wants a divorce or how to move forward after separation. Divorce counseling, a form of talk therapy, is a safe space for partners to openly discuss hardships and feelings regarding their significant other and the overall relationship.
When you talk to a relationship therapist, you can work through your issues and emotions in an effective way that allows you to understand yourself even more. You will also learn tools that help you make informed decisions regarding your divorce.
Divorce counseling is typically broken down into two segments: pre-divorce counseling and post-divorce counseling.
What is the difference between pre-divorce counseling and post-divorce counseling?
Pre-Divorce Counseling:
In pre-divorce counseling, your couples therapist will help teach you and your partner how to communicate productively while treating each other with respect. Additionally, your relationship counselor will keep the emotional, physical, and financial aspects of your separation in mind.
There are some cases where couples undergo pre-divorce counseling and realize that they do not want to be separated after all; however, this is not a common occurrence.
If you have children from your marriage, your divorce therapist will reiterate the importance of the divorce being amicable, especially for the children. In other words, the separation should not involve name-calling, disrespect, and blame. If you want to minimize your child’s trauma, civility is always the answer.
Pre-divorce counseling can address divorce-related parenting issues, provide tips on guiding your children through the divorce, identify and address your emotions, and teach you healthy coping strategies.
Post-Divorce Counseling:
In post-divorce counseling, you will focus on your life after separation. The ending of a major relationship will disrupt your life in some way. This disruption may trigger grief, sadness, and/or stress.
Post-divorce therapy guides you through the aftermath of your separation. In addition to helping you accept your reality, your divorce counselor can build up your self-esteem and self-confidence. They will also help you work through any residual feelings you have towards your ex-partner.
It can be easy for people to forget to define themselves outside of their relationship- post-divorce therapy gives you the opportunity to explore yourself and figure out who you really are.
Do I need divorce counseling?
Many people navigate their divorce on their own, opening up to family and friends if they feel comfortable. However, other people may find professional help to be necessary. Divorce can be crippling for some, and the sadness can seem unbearable at times.
Seeking the help of a divorce therapist is an important action of self-care and self-love. When the pain of divorce becomes too much to handle, a divorce counselor is there to help you.
Here are some common signs when you should begin to consider divorce therapy:
Chronic depression
Social withdrawal and isolation
Self-loathing/feeling like a disappointment
Quick weight gain or weight loss
Anxiety
Uncontrollable anger
Loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities
Feeling unworthy of happiness or love
Sleep problems
Suicidal thoughts or attempts (feeling suicidal? Help is only a phone call away at the free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 800-273-8255)
What are the benefits of divorce counseling?
Divorce can be an isolating process, and you may feel like you are completely alone. Whether or not you have a support system, therapy can offer an unbiased person to listen to your struggles and provide you with effective feedback.
Some examples of divorce counseling include:
Objectivity - Your divorce counselor offers an unbiased opinion on your separation, unlike many family members and friends. Your therapist can help you stop destructive thoughts and behaviors which makes you view your relationship more clearly. You may not always like to hear the advice of your divorce therapist, but they are there to help you through this process.
Introspection - The emotions stemming from your divorce may manifest in seemingly unrelated ways, such as lashing out at people. Divorce counseling gives you the chance to reflect inwards and see how the separation is truly affecting you. From examining your role in the divorce to understanding your partner’s feelings, divorce therapy can be an investigative process.
Shifting your viewpoint - Instead of viewing your separation as a battle that you must win, you should try to view it as a negotiation. Your divorce does not have to have one winner or one loser. Instead, you and your partner can both leave the relationship feeling grateful for your past and hopeful about your future.
Being cognizant of others’ needs - While you and your partner may be the ones going through the divorce, the separation will most likely affect other people. From common friends to children, there may be changes in friendship dynamics or other people depending on you.
Divorce counseling can help you in many ways. Regardless of whether or not you decide to seek the help of a relationship counselor, it is crucial that you give yourself time to grieve your marriage. Remember: you do not have to go through this process alone.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is currently an undergraduate student at the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark, looking to study Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. As a Social Media Manager at Anchor Therapy, Victoria is committed to producing content for and managing the office’s social media presence and blog.
