When we think of children, we often view them as being resilient- they can bounce back from almost anything. Although it may seem like children “bounce back” on the surface, traumatic experiences in childhood can lead to serious and long-lasting effects into adulthood, particularly when the trauma goes unresolved.
Childhood trauma can result from anything that leaves a child feeling helpless, disrupting their sense of safety and security. This can include:
Sexual abuse
Physical abuse
Verbal abuse
Domestic violence
Unstable/unsafe environment
Separation from a parent
Neglect
Bullying
Serious illness
Intrusive medical procedures
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, and life transitions. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and telehealth (video/phone) sessions to residents of New Jersey and New York.
It can be easy to undervalue the relevance of our childhood experiences. You may even overlook the impact of childhood experiences on your adult life. Childhood is the foundation in which we build our personality. The experiences that happen during these transformational years help us understand the world around us, our relationships, feelings, and thoughts.
Childhood trauma happens often. When we are young, we do not truly understand what is going on and the effect that it will have on us. In reality, we are often exposed to the possibility of traumatic events. As an adult, you may more easily understand the impact that this can have on you. Luckily, a professional therapist can help guide you through this.
To truly understand what childhood trauma is, you might start at the beginning.
What exactly is childhood trauma?
Childhood trauma occurs when a child is exposed to any distressing or emotionally painful event. Contrary to popular belief, a traumatic event does not have to be experienced for it to morph into childhood trauma. Instead, it can be simply witnessing the trauma. Additionally, the trauma can be either real or imagined.
Trauma leads to distress. When trauma goes untreated, it can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and post-traumatic stress syndrome (PTSS). Trauma can stay in the body and continue to impact your life until you unearth it and process it. The trauma can live in your unconscious. The emotions that accompany trauma, such as anger, sadness, shame, and fear, are critical components of the healing process.
Unfortunately, the healthiest initial response to trauma is also the rarest- dealing with and processing the trauma as soon as it occurs. It is important to recognize the violation it has caused to you, truly feel and sit with your emotions, and then register that the transgression does not say anything about you personally. In other words, you do not associate the event with a negative connotation and release it more easily.
In reality, there are many reasons why you may not process emotions automatically. It can be painful to work through emotions like anger and sadness, and crying publicly is not something that is necessarily socially acceptable. Therefore, it can feel easy to suppress your emotions instead of working through them.
When you're a child negative instances are intensified. For example, as a grown adult in their 40s, a negative comment about your appearance may be something that will roll off your back; however, as a child, it may feel like the end of the world. For a child, this could even create long-lasting problems, like body dysmorphia or depression.
How do I recognize childhood trauma in myself?
The symptoms of childhood trauma vary from person to person; however, there are some common signs you can look out for.
Depression and anxiety
It is not uncommon for people with childhood trauma to experience depression and anxiety. These two disorders may be paired together and, in those cases, you may feel hopeless and alone. If you are struggling, it is highly recommended that you seek the help of an anxiety therapist or a depression counselor.
2. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
PTSD is a mental health disorder where a person was exposed to a traumatizing event. People with PTSD have flashbacks of the traumatic event which makes them feel like they are re-living the occurrence. You may become so distressed with these flashbacks that you go to significant lengths to avoid them. This can cause even more symptoms, like flashbacks, panic attacks, and nightmares.
3. Hypervigilance
This is a common reaction of people who have experienced trauma. Hypervigilance is when you feel constantly threatened. Whether you have a fear of being trapped or maybe you fear being attacked abruptly, you may become overly aware of your surroundings, especially when you are in a new setting.
4. Struggling to make meaningful connections
When you are actively healing from childhood trauma, you may learn to interact with other people in an unhealthy way. This can create relational behaviors. Let’s say that you have childhood trauma that stems from experiencing neglect when you were growing up. This may cause you to feel undeserving of other people’s love and affection. This is a pattern that was caused by the ideas you were led to believe as a child.
In extreme cases, this belief may cause you to stay in relationships where you are not treated greatly. You may prevent yourself from seeking a better, healthier relationship because, deep down inside, you do not feel like you are deserving.
Why do I push my feelings away?
At the moment, the easiest thing to do is push your feelings away instead of putting in the important work to process them. Even parents who are extremely affectionate and attentive can damage your sense of self.
Many parents mean well and do not want to see their child hurt; however, a little comment can go a long way in its negative effects. For instance, during a vulnerable moment, you may open up to your parents and start crying. They may respond by saying, “There’s no need to cry.” Your parents may not intend to hurt your feelings, but they inadvertently did. Feeling your emotions can be a positive experience. It is okay to feel negative emotions and ponder about why you felt the way you did at the moment.
On the other hand, maybe your parents were not so loving and attentive. They could have even gone as far as to demand you stop crying when you were expressing yourself. Regardless, it can stem from an inability to deal with your feelings productively. As a child, you may not have learned that emotions are temporary. When you do not know how to process your emotions, you may begin to interpret all emotions as something scary.
As children, it may be difficult to differentiate your feelings and yourself. You may begin to identify deeply with your feelings.
How do I heal my childhood trauma?
Healing childhood trauma is a lengthy, unique process. It looks different for everyone. As you are going through the process of healing your childhood trauma, it may feel impossible and overwhelming. Please remember that you have the power to overcome it and you can learn how to cope! Below are some ways you can heal from your childhood trauma.
Talk to a licensed therapist
While it is helpful to rely on loved ones, speaking to an objective licensed mental health counselor is helpful. A trauma counselor can help you feel heard, understood, and validated.
Childhood trauma can leave you feeling isolated and you may even feel like no one understands what you have been through. In reality, a trauma therapist can be a great support system for you.
One form of therapy that may help you is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy. This is a structured form of counseling to help you process traumatic memories, therefore you work through your trauma from childhood. Your EMDR therapist at Anchor Therapy will assess your history and current symptoms so the specific traumatic memories that need to be healed get addressed.
From there, you will slowly come to target the traumatic memories that give you the most distress. While you think of the traumatic memory, your EMDR specialist will guide you through eye movements, taps, or sounds. It is believed that this bilateral stimulation integrates the traumatic memory, lessening the severity of emotions. As you go through this process, you are encouraged to report any new thoughts or feelings you experience. Eventually, the traumatic memory will no longer pose significant distress.
A licensed mental health counselor who specializes in trauma treatment can help heal deep wounds which will improve the relationships in your life. In therapy, you can pinpoint unhealthy patterns and learn healthy coping mechanisms.
2. Be patient with yourself
Self-criticism and guilt blaming are common for people who have experienced trauma as a child. You may blame yourself for things outside of your control.
You may ask yourself the following questions:
“Why do I act this way?”
“Why can’t I deal with things in a better way?”
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why do I think this way?”
During these moments, it is important to stop and remind yourself that you are not responsible for what happened to you. Healing your childhood trauma is a long process. That is to say, it is not a process that you should rush. Be patient with yourself.
3. Truly learn to let go
It is one thing to accept the situation, but it is another thing to truly let it go. Simply accepting something does not mean that you are embracing the trauma that came along with the incident. When you let the situation go, you either decide that it is gone or make the conscious decision to let it dictate your life. That is not to say that the trauma is magically gone, but it no longer robs you of happiness.
Childhood trauma is a painful experience, but it does not need to remain a powerful force in your life. By working with a trauma therapist, you can pinpoint your triggers and build healthy coping mechanisms to work through your experiences.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager and Intake Coordinator at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark, planning to study Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. As a Social Media Manager at Anchor Therapy, Victoria is committed to producing content for and managing the office’s social media presence and blog.
