Generally, many people know that June is Pride Month. However, you may not know what it means exactly. Simply, Pride Month is a movement for people in the LGBTQIA+ community and allies to celebrate differences while promoting equal rights. It is a time when those in the LGBTQIA+ community celebrate the freedom they have to be themselves.
Gender identity and sexual orientation are acknowledged, honored, and, most importantly, accepted. Celebrating Pride Month as an ally can be important for those in the LGBTQIA+ community since it signals love and acceptance by non-LGBTQIA+ people as a whole.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, and life transitions. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and telehealth (video/phone) sessions to residents of New Jersey and New York.
In 2022, LGBTQIA+ people are becoming more visible than ever before. Before the 1990s, there were limited resources for those in the LGBTQIA+ community so very few adolescents (or even adults) “came out” to their families. People faced a fear of rejection and other negative reactions which prevented many from expressing their true identities.
Now, there is a greater access to resources, specifically for LGBTQIA+ youth. The Internet, school clubs, and other youth groups have helped gay and transgender youth find reliable information and support throughout their process of growth and self-discovery. With more people living their true lives and celebrating their individuality comes the need for support from non-LGBTQIA+ peers, specifically family members.
When you learn that someone you love is LGBTQIA+, you may feel a range of emotions and you may not know the best ways to support them in that moment. The most important thing to remember is that your family member felt comfortable enough around you to disclose this information. They are opening up in the most genuine and honest way possible.
Coming out is a unique experience as it is different for everyone. Therefore, support will look different in many circumstances. There is no specific or correct way to be an ally, but there are some ways you can be a more supportive family member, friend, loved one, or colleague.
First, what is an ally?
An ally is someone who does not identify as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, but is a strong supporter. Allies stand up for the rights of those in the LGBTQIA+ community.
As an ally, you’ll stick by your loved one even as times get tough.
How can I become an ally?
Be Open To Learning
If you want to become an ally to your family member, you will need to develop an understanding of how the world regards and treats those in the LGBTQIA+ community. While it may seem obvious, you should be willing and open to listening to different voices, even if their opinions contrast from your own. Listen to other’s stories and ask questions in a respectful manner.
You can also research LGBTQIA+ history, jargon, and the on-going struggles that the community still faces today. While your family member may be happy to answer any questions you have, it is important to remember that it is not their responsibility to educate you or other people. Instead of burdening them with this responsibility, you can go to the library or look at materials online from reputable sources, such as LGBTQIA+ organizations!
Some LGBTQIA+ organizations to check out, include:
Human Rights Campaign
PFLAG
GLSEN
The Trevor Project
GLAAD
2. Do Not Make Assumptions
You should avoid making assumptions about other people’s gender identity and/or sexual orientation. For instance, even if you think someone is straight, it is not ideal to make this assumption. We should not assume someone’s gender or pronouns.
LGBTQIA+ people do not have a particular look and a person’s previous partners do not define them. Your family member may be looking for support. By making assumptions, you may shut this person off and they may no longer feel comfortable sharing their truth with you.
3. Understand The Power Of Language
Similar to making assumptions, language holds an undeniable power in intimate conversations with LGBTQIA+ family members. After all, human connection is grounded in language. Just as someone may want to be called by a nickname instead of their first full name, accommodating the wishes of those in the LGBTQIA+ community is not any different! Your family member may want to change their name or pronouns.
If you are unsure of the labels or your loved one’s pronouns, you can ask them respectfully. You can start this process by introducing inclusive language into your everyday vocabulary. For example, you can swap out the terms “wife” or” “husband” for “partner.” This could also be a great chance to identify any unintentional, potentially offensive language you may use.
4. It Is Okay To Make Mistakes!
It is okay to mess up, especially if this is a new journey for you as a LGBTQIA+ ally. Give yourself some grace throughout the process. Take a deep breath, apologize for any unintentional offensive statement you may have made, and ask for help.
From assuming someone’s label to using the wrong pronoun, mistakes will occur. If this happens to you, you can say something along the lines of: “My apologies- that was not the word I meant to use. I’m trying to become a better ally and educate myself, but it is still a work in progress. If you hear me use a term incorrectly, I would appreciate it if you would let me know.” Most likely, the person will appreciate your honesty and effort.
Most people will know that this is a process of unlearning for you. You may have been raised to have a certain outlook or you may not have encountered anyone in the LGBTQIA+ community so you were not aware of the nuances. Regardless, it is a process that will take time so have some patience for yourself.
Overall, it is amazing that you want to become an ally for the LGBTQIA+ community! Allies have played a crucial role in many LGBTQIA+ movements. As an ally, you have an effective and powerful voice for LGBTQIA+ equality. You can help those in the community feel more comfortable with coming out and you can also help other people understand why equality and fairness for all is important.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager and Intake Coordinator at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark, planning to study Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. As a Social Media Manager at Anchor Therapy, Victoria is committed to producing content for and managing the office’s social media presence and blog.
