Whether you are going through a sudden separation or a legal divorce, breakups can be difficult. Regardless of the relationship’s length, your current relationship status, and how much time has passed, breakups hurt and taking time to heal is necessary.
There is no set or correct amount of time to grieve your previous relationship. The amount of time it takes to heal varies from person-to-person. For instance, after a short-term relationship, you may find yourself feeling fine and ready to get back into the dating world within a few weeks. On the other hand, when a long-term relationship ends, such as a marriage, it may take years to feel okay again. Particularly when dealing with long-term relationships, there may be additional issues to manage, like the conclusion of shared friendships, financial issues, and custody problems.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, and life transitions. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and telehealth (video/phone) sessions to residents of New Jersey and New York.
Many people going through breakups experience a variety of mental health concerns.
Some mental health problems you may experience after a breakup include:
Depression
Anxiety
Post-traumatic stress
Substance abuse
Psychological distress
If you are struggling to heal and move on after a separation, continue reading this article to see if mental health counseling is the right move for you.
There are several signs that may indicate that speaking to a breakup counselor will help you in your healing journey.
What are the signs that you need to speak to a breakup counselor?
You Cannot Function Effectively
Breakups can leave you feeling as if you are falling apart. Maybe you are slacking off at work, getting into arguments with family members, or finding it difficult to sleep or eat regularly. Often, dealing with post-breakup pain can involve unhealthy coping mechanisms, like consuming too much alcohol, taking drugs, and binge eating.
When your breakup begins interfering with your daily life, it is time to seek the assistance of a licensed mental health counselor. Whether you are looking to attend counseling by yourself or with your ex-partner, therapy can offer you a safe space to investigate your pain, learn how to cope with your emotions, enhance your resilience, and foster your independence.
Breakup counseling can be an important part of the healing process. It can be particularly helpful in cases where depression, low self-esteem, substance abuse, and post-traumatic stress are present after a breakup.
2. You Find Yourself Romanticizing Your Previous Relationship
It is easy to look back on the past with rose-colored glasses. In other words, when you reflect on your past relationship, you remember things better than they actually were. When you romanticize your ex-partner, it only makes it more difficult and painful to move on from the relationship. When you are trying to get over your ex, it is essential to de-idealize them and your relationship, essentially knocking them off of the pedestal you placed them on.
If you were in a toxic relationship, battled with intimacy problems, or experienced infidelity, taking a step back and looking at the bigger picture that is your past relationship can be beneficial. When you work with a relationship therapist, you can alter your viewpoint of the relationship which allows you to identify your ex’s imperfections and accept the problems that were present in your connection.
Once you do this, you can learn how to form healthy relationships, notice patterns in your relationship problems, and create healthy coping mechanisms to use in the future.
In addition to listening, your relationship therapist can offer a neutral perspective which your close family members and friends can often not do. You and your therapist can work together to define what a healthy relationship looks like to you and allow you to outline your overall goals. Basically, counseling can help you build self-esteem and gain back your strength after your relationship ends.
3. You Are Retreating From Other People
It is normal to go through an emotional rollercoaster after a breakup. You may deny your circumstances, feel angry towards your ex-partner, and generally feel empty or sad. You may go through the stages of grief several times before feeling okay.
Due to this, you may feel like retreating from other people. You may feel like your identity was so wrapped up in your previous relationship that you no longer know who you are without that other person in your life. Figuring out how to move forward may feel overwhelming. However, avoiding the situation does not make it go away. When you isolate people who love and appreciate you, you are only depriving yourself of love, support, and concern when you need it the most.
Even if you do not want to discuss your relationship with family members and friends, it is important that your vulnerability has an outlet. If you are ending a long-term relationship, you may be seeking a new place to live, determining the custody of children, and explaining your breakup to those who are the closest to you while simultaneously creating your future without your ex-partner.
There are physical, mental, emotional, and financial hardships that come along with a breakup. Breakup counseling can encourage you to discuss your concerns, thoughts, and emotions with a licensed professional.
Speaking to a relationship counselor gives you a valuable opportunity to voice your problems and emotions. It gives you the chance to solve your issues and identify habits in your relationships all while giving you the space to heal and move on from your previous relationship.
Before you jump back into the dating scene, relationship counseling encourages you to fully process your breakup, evaluate habits in your relationship, and define how a healthy relationship looks to you.
Whether you are searching for a new counselor or embarking on therapy for the first time in your life, it is important to find a breakup counselor who fits your needs. Being vulnerable regarding uncomfortable topics, like intimacy, sex, and relationships, is not easy. Therefore, finding a therapist who makes you feel secure is important.
When you form a positive relationship with your therapist, you will feel more comfortable during your appointments. You should always feel like your relationship counselor listens to you, showcases empathy, and has your best interest at heart.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager and Intake Coordinator at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark, planning to study Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. As a Social Media Manager at Anchor Therapy, Victoria is committed to producing content for and managing the office’s social media presence and blog.
