Living with a family member who has a mental illness can be an emotional rollercoaster. It's a journey filled with challenges, uncertainties, and moments of both joy and despair, especially if you are a young adult and finding yourself in a caretaker role. You may be a caretaker to your partner, your parent, a child, your sibling or someone else close to you. In this blog, we'll explore various aspects of living with a loved one who has a mental illness, from understanding their condition to taking care of yourself which is most important.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, couples, and families with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
Understanding your family member’s Mental Illness:
The first step in navigating life with a family member who has a mental illness is understanding their condition. Mental illnesses come in many forms, ranging from depression and anxiety to bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. Each condition manifests differently, and understanding the symptoms and triggers is necessary for providing effective support.
Educate yourself about your family member or loved one’s diagnosis and learn about common symptoms, treatment options, and coping strategies. This knowledge will not only help you provide better support but also reduce misunderstandings and stigma surrounding mental health. You can do this in many ways by reading books, blogs, research articles, memoirs, and many more. Make sure the information is research based and by a professional in the field as sometimes there is misleading information on the internet that can be anxiety inducing! A therapist can help provide you with the right recommendations.
3. Demonstrate genuine interest in your family member's treatment plan. Since medical providers and therapists require the patient's consent to communicate with family members, encourage your loved one to grant permission for you to be involved. Engage in discussions with the medical team to gain insight into the treatment plan and its anticipated outcomes. Specifically, inquire about potential medication side effects. Familiarize yourself with the procedure for contacting the provider in case you observe any worrisome behavioral or emotional shifts.
Check out our blogs, “Navigating The Mental Health Diagnosis Of A Family Member” and “6 Ways To Understand And Support A Parent With Mental Illness” for more information.
Setting Boundaries with your family member:
While supporting a family member with a mental illness is important, it's also crucial to set boundaries to protect your own well-being.
Remember these three C’s to help you with your boundaries:
Catching
Checking
Changing
Recognize that you cannot fix or control your loved one's illness, that you did not cause this, and you cannot cure it. Accept that it's okay to prioritize your own needs and set limits on what you can reasonably do.
Setting boundaries may involve establishing clear expectations. Some examples are to ask your loved one to seek professional help, take their prescribed medications and/or participate in therapy. This can sometimes be met with negative reactions so it’s important you understand that is normal and is part of the process. It is important to remember that supporting someone is not controlling them. Although we can encourage the person to seek help, we cannot make treatment decisions for them and control their life.
For better conversations around boundary setting and difficult topics, use clear and simple communication while being direct. Stick to one topic and share small bits of information at a time. Make sure to have their attention and limit distractions during these conversations.
Present the facts of the situation, as this is typically an area of mutual agreement (i.e. "These forms need to be returned to your school by tomorrow, and they're still incomplete."). Clearly state the action you're asking the person to take and express how you would feel if they do so (i.e. "Please read and sign them before lunch. I'd feel relieved knowing they're taken care of, and we can enjoy the rest of the afternoon, knowing you're prepared for school.").
Seeking Support to help your family member with a mental health issue:
You don't have to navigate this journey alone. Reach out for support from friends, family members, a therapist, or support groups who understand what you're going through. Talking to others who are in similar situations can provide validation, empathy, and practical advice.Your own support is important. Seek out individual therapy for yourself to process the impact this is having on you and how you can cope. Seeing a therapist for this can be life changing.
A therapist can help you develop coping strategies, improve communication skills, and navigate the challenges of living with a family member with a mental illness. There are also many support groups for family members of someone with severe mental illness. For example, the organization NAMI offers free support groups as well as great information and resources.
Practicing Self-Care:
Taking care of yourself is essential when living with a family member with a mental illness. Remember that you cannot pour from an empty cup. So make sure to prioritize your own well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it's exercising, reading, or spending time with friends.
Prioritize your regular activities and routines. Avoid letting your family member's mental health condition dominate every aspect of your life. Reestablish a sense of normalcy within the family by engaging in regular routines and spending quality time together on activities unrelated to illness. Enjoy simple pleasures like watching a movie, dining out, or visiting a beloved park. Embrace the concept of living alongside a mental health condition, rather than constantly battling against it.
Set aside time each day to focus on yourself, even if it's just a few minutes of meditation or deep breathing. Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that it's okay to prioritize your own needs. A good analogy to keep in mind is the oxygen mask on the plane: you have to put your own oxygen mask on first before putting it on the person next to you. The only way to help others is to make sure you’re helping yourself first.
Finding Hope For Yourself and Your Loved One:
Living with a family member with a mental illness can feel overwhelming at times, but it's important to hold onto hope and resilience. Recovery is possible, and with the right support and treatment, your loved one can lead a fulfilling life.
In moments of setbacks with one treatment approach, remain open to exploring alternative strategies and realize this is part of the journey. Mental health relapses are very common and it does not have to erase all your loved one’s progress.
Celebrate small victories along the way, whether it's a good day free of symptoms or a successful therapy session. Focus on the strengths and resilience of your loved one, and remind them that they are not defined by their illness.
Stay strong, and never lose hope. You are making a difference in your loved one's life, and your support means more than you know.
Rebecca Bischoff, LCSW
is a psychotherapist at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. Rebecca sees children, teens, and adults in-person in Hoboken and residents of NJ and FL for online therapy.
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