Planning a wedding can be both the best time of your life and the most stressful time of your life. There are always stressors that arise when wedding planning that you don’t expect and it is impossible to predict. When planning a wedding, it is about your love for your partner who you are planning to spend the rest of your life with. But it is also a momentous day that your families and friends feel apart of. This is usually where the stress stems from. You will notice over the course of wedding planning that everyone around you has their own vision and expectation for your wedding. It is important to stay on track with you and your partner’s vision for your wedding and to have a few coping tools in your back pocket for when the stress really starts to build.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, and life transitions.
Wedding Planning = “Busy Stress”
There are different types and levels of stress you will feel while wedding planning. One stress that is easier to cope with is generally feeling busier and having a lot of things to do. As the wedding gets closer, you may feel like your wedding has become an added job. It will take up a lot of your time, thought, and decision making. This is called, “busy stress”. This feels like you have a never ending to-do list. The best way to cope with busy stress is to manage your time.
Here are some ways to cope:
Get a planner
Stay organized
Ask for help
Manage your time
Take breaks, including full days off from planning
Communicate with your partner
Share tasks with your partner
Create a self-care plan (i.e. healthy eating plan, exercise, massages, etc.)
Things Will Go Wrong
When planning any event, it is expected that something will not be as perfect as you envision it or plan it to be. It is important to remind yourself that the main goal for this wedding is that you are marrying your partner and will live happily ever after. Yes, you have a vision for what you want your wedding day to look like. But you also want to be realistic that we can’t control every aspect in life. There is nothing you can do to predict exactly what will go awry, but you can prepare yourself so that your mindset is in the right place to handle anything that does come your way. Whether there is miscommunication between you and your vendors, the guest list keeps changing, or you find yourself refreshing your weather App hourly…there are ways to manage the feelings of stress that comes along with this.
How to deal with the mountain of wedding stress
“It all works out in the end.” That is what you have to repeat to yourself over and over while taking deep breaths. I highly recommend you take a few moments off from wedding planning, even with a few days away! You can plan a massage, gym class, or dinner out with friends or your partner leading up to your wedding to help you relax and refocus. You have to remind yourself that you are not making a wedding to please others and the goal is to marry the love of your life. You also want to remind yourself that your vendors are only human. They are professionals, but they aren’t magicians (unless you did hire a magician). They can’t control the weather, if a bus gets a flat tire, or any other problem that may arise. It is important to notice how stressed you feel so that you can ask for help. Make sure you have a solid support system in place that you can go to if things become stressful.
How to remain calm in the days leading up to your wedding day...
Usually the few weeks leading up to your wedding day are the most stressful. There are a lot of things you have to get together and a lot of people you need to check in with and coordinate. The goal of this time is to deal with any issues that may arise BEFORE the wedding day. If you can try to think of things that may become an issue on your wedding day then you can discuss it with your vendors, bridal party, etc. to plan what you would like to see happen if something does not go perfectly as planned.
A big example of this has to do with the weather. If you have a plan for an outdoor ceremony then it is always smart to have a plan B in case it rains or the weather is bad outside. You want to discuss what this plan B would look like and what would make you happy. It is helpful to discuss this before the wedding day so that if the weather becomes nasty last minute then you won’t have to make these decisions last minute when you should be focusing on enjoying your day and getting married. You want to try to deal with any problems before the wedding day.
Something that will keep you the most calm leading up to your wedding day is to keep your daily routine going.
The routine that you want to create should include:
Eating healthy
Exercising
Getting a massage, facial, acupuncture, etc.
Sleeping
Having a support system to talk about stressors (this can include a therapist)
Plan to take days off from work leading up to the wedding day
If you don’t take care of yourself first then you won’t be able to fully handle whatever problems arise and come your way while wedding planning. You want to be the best version of yourself leading up to your wedding so that you can take on anything! And don’t forget to ask for help because everyone can use help planning such a big and special event.
I made it through my wedding day, now what?
If you can go on a honeymoon after your wedding, do it! This is not for everyone as you may not be able to take off work or you may need some time to mentally and physically recover. It is true that the last few weeks of planning and the wedding day are exhausting so you will need time to recover. Whether you decide to take a 2-week vacation or you take a few days off after the wedding day, it is important to build in some recovery time.
It has been more common for couples to take a mini-moon for the few days after the wedding to relax at a nearby location so that they can recover and not stress about traveling far for a big trip. It can also help you save money for the big trip of your dreams at a future time. Whether you decide on a honeymoon, mini-moon, or have to return to work shortly after- I do highly recommend giving yourself a few days to mentally and physically recover.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and remind yourself, “I can do this! It all works out in the end.”
Courtney Glashow, LCSW
is a licensed psychotherapist practicing in Hoboken, New Jersey. She specializes in helping teens and adults with anxiety, depression, and life transitions through counseling. Courtney can help NY or NJ residents through telehealth (video/phone) therapy sessions as well.
