The process of finding a therapist who is a good fit for you is difficult. If you want in-person sessions, is the counselor close to you? If you travel a lot, can your therapist offer online mental health counseling sessions? Perhaps you feel more comfortable speaking to a male therapist to discuss men’s health issues. Maybe you want a female therapist who understands the difficulty of infertility.
Once you find a therapist, it may temporarily feel like a weight is lifted off of your shoulders but, then, your first session comes around and you feel like you have nothing to say. You feel like you are ready to work on yourself, but you find yourself clamming up and getting nervous once you are face-to-face with a stranger. All of a sudden, the process may seem very overwhelming to you. If you have felt this way at some point during therapy, you are not alone! This is a common phenomenon known as “therapy block” or “therapy resistance.” For more information on how to fix this issue, keep reading!
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, couples, and families with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
What is a therapy block?
Therapy block, also referred to as therapy resistance, is a term used to describe the obstacles that you may experience in therapy sessions, such as not knowing what to say in counseling. This can pause the progress you may receive in the therapeutic process.
Therapy blocks can arise for several reasons and they look different for children, teens, adults, and senior citizens; however, there are some common signs of therapy resistance.
Some typical forms of therapy resistance include:
Avoidance - If there are uncomfortable emotions or specific topics that trigger difficult memories, you may want to avoid those conversations that would involve investigating the underlying issues.
Intellectualization - You may want to focus on current topics or trending world issues, and analyze those problems with your mental health counseling instead of diving into and engaging with your emotions.
Negative Patterns - Even if you are aware of the negative effects of your poor habits, you may continue engaging with negative thoughts and behaviors due to custom.
Resistance to Change - You may resist change due to a tendency to self-sabotage. You may not want to adopt new, healthy coping mechanisms or make additional suggested changes. For more information, read our blog “How To Stop Self-Sabotaging For Good.”
Fear of Vulnerability - Although you seek the help of a licensed counselor to get better, you may have difficulty opening up to them, especially early on in the sessions. You may struggle with being vulnerable due to a fear of rejection, judgment, or perceived weakness.
Defensiveness - You may be defensive, unwilling to open up to your counselor, or unwilling to share specific thoughts that are an important part of the therapeutic process.
Lack of Engagement - If you are not actively participating or engaging in your therapy sessions, a therapy block can occur. You may be passive or disinterested in therapy. This can occur for a multitude of reasons, maybe it was not your thought to attend therapy sessions or your therapist is not a good fit for you.
If you struggle with any of the above issues, do not worry. Your licensed mental health counselor should be able to work with you to overcome these obstacles. After all, therapy is a safe space where you should feel comfortable enough to share your thoughts and emotions to grow. In order to achieve positive outcomes in therapy, you must first overcome the therapy block.
How can a therapist help me decide what to talk about in therapy sessions?
Your licensed therapist knows how to help you navigate your thoughts, emotions, and problems during your counseling sessions. Whether you see your therapist two times a week or every other week, your therapist will constantly help you find relevant material to discuss in sessions.
If you do not know what to talk about in therapy, your therapist can assist you by doing the following:
Fostering an open dialogue - The burden does not fall on you to keep therapy discussions alive. Your therapist is there to create an open dialogue where you feel comfortable to tell them anything and everything that is on your mind. They may use certain therapeutic techniques, prompts, or ask you open-ended questions to get some more information about whatever it is you are dealing with.
Assessing your condition and creating goals - At the very beginning of therapy, such as your first intake session, your counselor will conduct an assessment to learn more about you, the issues you are facing, and your mental health goals. Your therapist truly wants to understand your problems, the areas of life you want to focus on, and your aspirations. Together, you and your therapist will develop goals to guide your sessions. For example, let us say that you are in the process of moving which is causing you severe stress and you are regularly experiencing work anxiety. You and your counselor may focus on the moving stress first and, then, jump to your work anxiety once you feel like you have secure stress management tools in place.
Reflecting on previous sessions - At times, reflecting on previous therapy sessions and life events can be important since it can help shed light on many things, such as patterns or recurring problems. Reviewing what was discussed with your counselor before provides continuity.
Exploring current issues - Just as there is a time to go back in time and reflect, there is also a place and time to explore any current problems you may be facing. You may want to talk about recent events, problems, or feelings. If you are not sure of exactly what to say, your counselor may ask about any mood changes, what happened in your life since you two last spoke, or any notable experiences.
Checking in on your emotions - When you delve into your current emotions, it may lead to triggering topics or conversations about underlying issues. When you pinpoint and truly understand your emotions, you make way for a great therapy session.
Using therapeutic techniques - As a professional counselor, your therapist will naturally incorporate therapeutic techniques into his or her therapy sessions. Some of these techniques may include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness, meditation, and so on.
Exploring interpersonal relationships - Relationships, both past and present, are typically a big part of therapy sessions, from friendships to coworker connections to romantic relationships. When you confide in your therapist about your interactions with other people, it can help them paint the picture about the dynamics that add to the experience of being you.
Naturally, working with a therapist will require deep self-reflection. You are encouraged to think about your patterns, thoughts, behaviors, and motivations that influence your life.
A therapist provides feedback and will collaborate with you to make sure that your needs are being met in mental health counseling sessions. At Anchor Therapy, the therapeutic process will be tweaked to ensure you are getting the most out of sessions. If you have any concerns or topics that you think are important to discuss with your counselor, we encourage you not to hold back or hesitate.
Your therapist is there to support you each and every step along the way. If you do not know what to talk about in sessions, expressing that concern alone is a valid starting point in your conversation together. You may even want to explore why the therapy block is occuring itself. Open communication is essential in counseling so you can experience a personalized therapeutic experience.
“I always forget what I want to talk about in therapy. Is there a way I can prevent this on my own?”
When you are dealing with complex thoughts and emotions, it can feel like your head is swelling up like a balloon, storing too much information. As the week goes on, you may be mentally thinking about all of the things you want to speak about with your therapist but, then, when the time for your session rolls around, it seems like all of those thoughts you had and that mental list of topics magically disappears.
Here are some strategies that can help you remember what you want to talk about in counseling sessions:
Keep a journal:
A common thing that many clients do is keep a journal or list on their phone’s “Notes” app about topics they want to discuss in therapy sessions. Having something that is easily accessible is key so, if a topic comes up randomly, you have a place to jot it down. You can write down anything you would like- thoughts, emotions, what happened in between therapy sessions, specific issues, life concerns and so on.
Voice recordings:
Another easy way to remember important topics is to create voice recordings on your phone of things you would like to discuss in therapy. You may find creating voice memos to be more comfortable than writing your thoughts and emotions down. Verbalizing your thoughts may even help with memory retention for your next counseling session.
Prioritize topics:
If you do not want to memorialize specific thoughts, feelings, or behaviors, you could simply create a list of topics you would like to talk about and let the conversation happen naturally. For instance, maybe you would like to talk about work with your counselor which could then turn into a conversation about going back to graduate school for a career change. For more help with this topic, our blog “How Counseling Can Help Your Career” is a must-read.
Set session goals:
Before your session, think about some goals you would like to achieve within your 45-minute conversation with your therapist. Maybe you want to discuss one challenge in particular or seek guidance on a personal decision.
Use reminders:
We all have calendars to keep our busy lives in check and, while you may have your actual therapy session listed on your calendar, you probably do not have a calendar reminder leading up to your therapy session. This could be a good opportunity to include brief keywords or topics that trigger your memory about something you would like to discuss in mental health counseling.
Therapy is a collaborative process, and your counselor is there to help you explore your problems. By using the above strategies, you can actively engage in the therapeutic process even more than you already are and make the most out of your therapy sessions.
If you are looking for additional ways to prepare for your therapy session, check out our post with Hoboken Girl.
Should I cancel my therapy session if I have nothing to talk about?
Coming to therapy without a planned topic in mind could give your therapist, and even yourself, an opportunity to get to know you better. While it can be helpful to brainstorm topics beforehand, this can sometimes turn into an issue where you are constantly trying to find the “right” thing to talk about. Sometimes, there is no one specific thing you should or should not talk about and opening yourself up to unknown conversation topics can be empowering.
There may also be a case where, the topics you had planned to discuss, are not as engaging as you thought they would be. Maybe you had an incident occur two weeks ago but, now sitting in front of your counselor, the problem does not seem as lively or pressing anymore. When you enter a therapy session without any specific conversation starters, you get to see where your thoughts take you.
Even if you have had a relatively good week and feel like you have nothing to talk about in counseling sessions, this may present the opportunity to discuss what is working so far in your therapy treatment plan with your counselor. Perhaps you have found that moving your body has reduced anxiety more than a daily meditation ritual, or vice versa. If you have had a good week, clearly it means that something is working in therapy! Remember, you do not always have to focus on the negative aspects of your life in therapy. There is also room to celebrate your growth and achievements.
Any silence in therapy sessions can be a great chance to redirect your energy back to your thoughts. Many people struggle to sit in silence but, in reality, you can learn to become comfortable with the uncomfortable. Not running from silence is a great skill to cultivate.
Overall, everyone who has attended therapy has struggled with forgetting important topics, feeling like they have nothing to say when there are a million thoughts unspoken, and even debating canceling therapy sessions over it. Luckily, there are some strategies you can use to get yourself back on track and ensure that the proper therapeutic process can ensue. Do not be afraid to lean on your therapist when you feel like the well of your thoughts is dry. Your professional counselor knows how to navigate these tricky times, asking you thought-provoking questions or using evidence-based therapy techniques.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager and Intake Coordinator at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark. In her roles, Victoria is committed to managing the office’s social media presence and prioritizing clients' needs.
IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR HELP FROM A PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR TO ASSIST YOU IN MAKING POSITIVE CHANGES IN YOUR LIFE, CONTACT US
WORKING WITH US IS EASY
Fill out the contact form below.
Our intake coordinator will get back to you with more information on how we can help and to schedule an appointment. We will set you up with an experienced licensed therapist who specializes in what you're seeking help with and who understands your needs.
You’ll rest easy tonight knowing you made the first step to improve your life.
