Making the monumental decision to adopt a child is extremely special and rewarding; however, it can also be a difficult process. Creating a family through adoption is complex. Many times, people may try to overlook or ignore these complexities. Instead, they should be appreciated and given the time and care that they require for resolution!
As a parent going through the adoption process, it is important to be intentional regarding the support you seek and the education you obtain. No matter how much love you have to offer, children can easily feel emotionally isolated and/or silenced during the adoption process. Luckily, adoption focused therapy can be a positive step for parents or caregivers and children alike.
Whether you are in the early stages of adoption or deep in the trenches of post-adoption life, adoption counseling may be the right move for your family. Working hand-in-hand with an adoption therapist can help support each family member with their own mental health struggles while strengthening the family unit as a whole.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, and life transitions. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and telehealth (video/phone) sessions to residents of New Jersey and New York.
What is pre-adoption therapy?
Pre-adoption therapy occurs before the adoption has taken place. Each phase of the adoption process has its own special challenges, even the earlier stages. Many parents may need help understanding that the adoption experience may be filled with grief and trauma. During pre-adoption therapy, you will get clear on your “why” in regards to wanting to adopt.
While wanting to adopt a child is an amazing thing, without processing your “why”, you may be seeking out the adoption of a child to avoid your own emotions, such as grief or your personal expectations. For instance, you may have recently lost a close family member. In an effort to fill that void, you turn to adoption. When you do not address your unhealed memories, grief, and loss, a clash can occur between your trauma and the needs of your potential child. If you are struggling with grief, check out our blog post: “How To Know When To Seek Grief Therapy & Learn All About The New Grief Diagnosis.”
When you heal yourself, you can gain clarity on the adoption process. Instead of asking “How can my family go through the adoption process?”, you can shift your thinking and ask yourself “How can my family grow through the adoption process?”.
Once you and your pre-adoption therapist work together to form a positive pattern of thinking regarding adoption, you can learn to be mindful of the following:
Family stability
Resources
Support
Your child’s emotional and physical needs
Access to long-term assistance
Pre-adoption therapy is a safe space for you as a caregiver and/or parent. It is an unbiased, non judgemental space for you to tackle possibly triggering and difficult topics, and voice your concerns.
Your adoption counselor will help challenge your negative thoughts and ideas surrounding the following:
Parenting philosophies
Familial expectations
Race
Loss
Birth family
Reunion
Creating a trauma informed home
What is post-adoption therapy?
When you are in the midst of the adoption process, everything up until the actual adoption can feel like a blur. You may feel so concentrated on and excited about the actual adoption that long-term mental health care for you and your child is not given too much thought.
While it may not be a pleasant thing to think about, many adoptees have endured trauma or abuse which may have led to a variety of mental health issues if it was left untreated. Adoption is about building meaningful moments with a foundation of connection to assist in healing trauma.
Inherently, many adopted children have a wound of loss. This grief can manifest in numerous ways and it may grow throughout the years if those feelings are avoided. Especially in the early phases of integration, adoptees are thinking and trying to process their adoption each day. In an effort to take a proactive space and create a positive space for healing for your child, post-adoption therapy is there to help.
Parents can learn to understand how attachments are formed and how to create trauma-informed spaces which can positively benefit the family unit. While it is great that your child seeks counseling to process the adoption, it is also essential to make sure that you are validating and honoring your child’s emotions at home.
When you comprehend your child’s trauma, you may find that you have more patience and sympathy for what they are going through because your level of awareness has increased. Your child will also benefit from this experience.
By taking the applaudable step of informing yourself about your child’s trauma and by your child talking to an adoption therapist for children, counseling can remove the shame that they may be feeling. They will realize that there is nothing wrong with them or what they are feeling- it is all a normal part of the adoption process. Post-adoption therapy can also be used to tackle major concerns, like strong feelings and difficult behaviors.
As a whole, families can benefit from attending post-adoption counseling. Whether you are seeking support in a birth family search or learning how to navigate conversations around race in transracial families, your post-adoption counselor is there to help you in any case.
Therapy can be a positive experience for each family member since emotions and feelings are different for everyone. Adoption does not just impact the child being adopted, it affects the family unit in its entirety, and continues to impact the family dynamic for generations to come.
Why is adoption counseling important?
Adoptees may experience many mental health issues due to trauma and abuse that may have occurred in their past, lack of stability regarding their living situation, and identity crisis due to being separated from their birth parents.
Adoption focused counseling can help your child process any traumatic experiences in the past and view their new identity and environment in a healthier way. Your adoption therapist can also aid in guiding the family through the adoption process with their child.
Therapy can be used to treat many concerns related to adoption. Some ways counseling can help people cope with adoption encompass:
Working through anxiety, depression, addiction, or other mental health issues
Processing trauma, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or abuse
Addressing behavioral issues
Exploring one’s identity
Healing attachment issues
Telling a child they are adopted
Self-regulation is key to making sure that your child is developmentally successful despite facing the challenges outlined above.
What are the different types of adoption therapy?
Family Therapy
Adoption family therapy is a form of treatment that focuses on issues impacting the entire family. Family therapy includes multiple family members and relies on each person’s participation to meet the family’s mental health goals.
The benefits of adoption family counseling include:
Improved communication and problem-solving
Reducing conflict
Building healthy family dynamics
Your family therapist can help you identify areas in communication that need improvement and teach effective communication techniques. This will allow parents and children to address their concerns instead of sweeping them under the rug which will only lead to resentment and relationship difficulties later down the road.
Family counseling can also help resolve issues around childcare duties, family values, routines, finances, and so on. Adopting a child can change family dynamics, especially if you have other children. Counseling will teach the family how to adapt to the change and help build a healthier family unit.
2. Child/Play Therapy
In this form of treatment, a child therapist will use evidence-based techniques while playing with your child.
The benefits of play therapy for children includes the following:
Acceptance of self and others
Learning self-expression skills and improving self-esteem
Developing social skills and relationships with the family
If an adoptee has gone through trauma or abuse, a play therapist will be able to help your child identify and express their emotions. When a child feels free to discover and engage with their emotions, it allows the family to communicate better.
Parents can gain insight into their child’s world and can learn how to support their needs. Working on these issues in play therapy can allow for a closer bond to be made amongst the parent and child.
If you are interested in learning more about play therapy, read our blog: “How Does Child Play Therapy Work?”.
3. Individual Counseling
The form of treatment is suitable for all individuals, from adolescence into adulthood. In this form of counseling, evidence-based treatments are used to suit individual needs.
This form of treatment can especially be helpful if you are adopting a pre-teen or teen. Your child may find that they need a safe space to talk, and that family adoption therapy does not address their specific needs.
Benefits of individual counseling include:
Learning coping skills to deal with feelings of grief and loss
Enhancing one’s self-esteem
Improving boundaries, relationships, and communication
Developing coping skills for trauma or abuse
Families can engage in play therapy and/or individual counseling alongside family adoption therapy if desired. Each type of counseling focuses on a specific aspect of the adoption process, and each family member has different needs.
In one-on-one sessions, adoptees can explore problems that are rooted in their self-perception which may affect how they are functioning on a daily basis.
As your child grows older, they may feel disconnected from their biological parents, culture, or even siblings if applicable. Therefore, their identity may be impacted. Their culture can influence their personal beliefs and build a sense of self. It can be confusing for both parents and children as you navigate this journey together.
An adoption therapist can help your child set boundaries and improve communication skills which will give them the confidence to navigate these complex relationships.
What are the benefits of adoption counseling?
Adoption therapy takes care of each family member’s mental health during the adoption process.
Although each adoption is unique, an adoption counselor is an unbiased support system who can help you navigate multiple stressors that can arise within the family dynamic.
To Help Build Better Relationships Amongst Family Members
A primary benefit of adoption counseling is to help facilitate a better relationship between the adoptive and the birth family. Your adoption counselor can help you build the bridge from biological family to adoptive family which will help your child understand the process better.
Whether you are dealing with logistical issues or are feeling overwhelmed by a particular situation, adoption counselors are there to help you during this exciting yet difficult transition. Your adoption child therapist can also offer your child a way to cope with their new reality, allowing them to grasp the new family situation while solving behavioral and psychological problems.
2. Lasting Relationships
An often overlooked component of the adoption process is long-term support. It can be helpful to think about consistent support, even if your child is young or in the earlier stages of adoption. Therapy is a lasting and reliable safe place. It is a nurturing environment where you and your family can go to resolve your issues.
Many people think that they do not need to seek counseling if their child is young; however, the earlier you start the better. Enrolling an adoptee into therapy at a young age can give your child time to learn more about the therapy process and get comfortable with their therapist.
During a time of such great change, having your child stick with a therapist that they feel comfortable with is great for their emotional health. Many adoption counselors become trusted and lasting sources of support for adoptees and their families.
3. Expertise
Your adoption counselor recognizes that each adoption is unique, but can offer their experience and expertise to make the process easier on you and your family. Adoption counselors can work with many people, including pregnant women, adoptive families, and adopted children and teens. The stronger the background of your therapist, the better insight they will be able to offer to you.
Finding the right therapist for your situation can be challenging. It is important that your adoption therapist is well-versed in the nuances of adoption and attachment. Adoption-informed therapists can offer guidance given their knowledge of identity, loss, attachment, race, and other systems within the adoptive world. Adoption is a life-long journey, and working with an adoption counselor can make the process a little easier for you and your family.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager and Intake Coordinator at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark, planning to study Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. As a Social Media Manager at Anchor Therapy, Victoria is committed to producing content for and managing the office’s social media presence and blog.
