Life with a child or teenager with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) can be troubling and overwhelming at times. It is not traditional child rearing. Typical rules and household routines can seem impracticable in your situation, depending on your child’s symptoms. Therefore, different approaches may have to be embraced. It can be hard to cope with some of your child’s behaviors, but there are always ways to make improvements and, ultimately, make life for your family easier.
As a parent, you can help your child overcome daily struggles by guiding them on how to channel their energy into positive forces. This step alone will bring greater serenity to your family. The earlier and more consistently you address your child’s issues by seeking the help of a professional, the better off your child will be. If you continue to let the problems linger, it can unfortunately cause bigger problems down the road which will negatively impact your child’s development and delay their mental and behavioral success.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, and Utah.
What is ADHD?
ADHD is one of the most common neurodevelopmental disorders amongst children. It is a chronic condition that encompasses attention difficulty, impulsiveness, and hyperactivity. Often, ADHD begins in childhood and it can persist into adulthood. Treatment of ADHD includes therapy and medication.
ADHD can cause your child to become more inattentive, impulsive, and hyperactive in comparison to kids their age. Because of ADHD, your child may have difficulty developing the skills that manage attention, behavior, emotions, and activity. Correspondingly, your child may act out in ways that are hard for you to manage.
If your child struggles with inattentiveness, they may:
Have trouble with organization
Need several reminders to complete tasks
Seem distracted
Appear to not listen
Have difficulty paying attention
Not following directions well
Show poor effort in school
If your child struggles with impulsiveness, they may:
Blurt out words
Interrupt people a lot
Behave without thinking through their actions
Have difficulty taking turns, sharing, and/or waiting
Do things they should not (even when they know the behavior is negative)
Often have emotional outbursts, throw temper tantrums, and/or lack self-control
If your child struggles with hyperactivity, they may:
Constantly be on the go (in other words, they are always in motion)
Fidget and seem unable to sit in stillness
Rush to do things instead of taking their time
Make careless mistakes
Climb, jump, or roughhouse when it is quiet play time
You may not have even realized that these behaviors were part of ADHD. You may just think that your child misbehaves without a deeper reasoning to their actions. This can leave you feeling stressed, annoyed, and disrespected.
In some cases, you may even feel embarrassed by what other people think about your child’s behavior. You may think that they are judging your parenting skills or wondering about what caused your child to act that way. However, it is important to understand that the skills that control attention, behavior, and activities do not come naturally to your child. It will take a little extra time to ensure that your child learns these skills, but it is possible!
How can an ADHD child counselor help my kid?
ADHD in children is common, but it is not easy to understand. Therefore, you may make the wise choice to seek the help of a therapist who specializes in helping children with ADHD.
Child behavior therapy is an effective treatment for ADHD. It can improve your child’s behavior, self-control, and self-esteem. Behavioral child therapy has two primary principles. First, you encourage and reward good behavior. Second, you remove rewards by following bad behavior and having appropriate repercussions. This aims to get rid of bad behavior.
By following these two main principles, your child begins to understand that actions have consequences when you establish clear guidelines for them to follow. The principles you and your child’s ADHD counselor outline must be applied to all areas of your kid’s life whether it be at home, in social settings, or at school.
You and your child’s other parent (if applicable) should work together to decide what behaviors are acceptable and what behaviors are not acceptable. The goal of child behavioral therapy is to have your child consider the ramifications of their actions while being able to control their impulses to act. This will mandate your compassion, tolerance, love, good spirit, and vigor.
You have to decide what behaviors you can tolerate and which actions you cannot accept. After creating these rules, it is essential to stick to them.
It can be a fine line between punishing for bad behavior versus punishing my child for ADHD. How can I decipher the two?
The most important thing you can note as a caregiver is that, if your child struggles with ADHD, their bad behavior is not personal. It does not mean that you are not a good mother or father, or that you have failed as a parent. Your child is not the enemy, they are just struggling with some common issues.
Creating and sticking to guidelines for your children is one of the most important things you can do. Parenting is important in your child’s ADHD treatment plan. How you respond can either exacerbate or improve your child’s ADHD symptoms.
When you punish bad behavior one day and allow it the next, it can stunt your child’s development. Some behaviors should always be discouraged, such as physical outbursts. The rules that you outline should be simple and clear since your child may have difficulty internalizing and enacting them. Luckily, your child’s ADHD therapist can help you effectively communicate these rules to your child.
While every child ADHD counselor has a different method of doing things, some child counselors may decide to use a points system. In this technique, your child can gain points for behaving well which will then be redeemed for an enjoyable activity, like watching television, playing video games, or buying a new toy. If you and your child's mental health therapist decide to employ this system, it can be helpful to write down your house rules and display them in a place where it is easy for your child to see. When these rules are displayed publicly, your child can learn them through repetition and positive reinforcement.
There is a distinction between discipline and punishment.
You may be saying:
“I yelled at my child.”
“I have bribed my child with a new toy to behave properly.”
“I have begged my child to be on their best behavior at social events.”
“I have lectured my child numerous times on the correct way to act.”
“I have taken away toys, and my child still will not listen to me.”
“I have canceled outings because my child cannot follow the rules.”
“I have given my child countless time-outs, and nothing is working!”
The list can go on and on! Understandably, you want your child to listen, behave well at home and in public, be respectful, and get along well with other people; however, your approach can be confusing to your child. By trying so many different methods to discipline your child, they are exposed to too many responses.
It can be easy to use the terms “discipline” and “punishment” interchangeably, but they do not hold the same meanings. Discipline teaches your child how to behave while punishment forces your child to behave. Discipline goes hand-in-hand with positive reinforcement, showing your child how to make a good behavior choice. On the other hand, punishment can involve shame and fear tactics.
Punishment has a place, but it is typically reserved as a last resort option. For instance, if your child continues to throw a ball at their younger sibling despite being told not to, there should be punishment; however, it should never involve physical or verbal abuse.
The best way to discipline a child with ADHD is through behavior modification. Your ADHD therapist will teach you how to employ behavior modification techniques at home to aid in your child’s development. Your child ADHD counselor will define age-appropriate goals and systemically reward small, positive behaviors until the good behavior becomes a routine.
When you reward good behavior, you help your child feel successful which will only enhance their motivation to do the right thing.
Try your best not to punish your child for behavior that they cannot control, no matter how hard it may be. For example, you may instruct your pre-teen to make their bed. You walk into their room 15 minutes later and find them on their phone playing a game. Your first instinct may be to reprimand them and take the phone away, but try to take a step back and get to the root cause of the situation.
Your child is not defying you, they are just distracted from the task at hand. Becoming easily distracted is a common symptom of ADHD and it may be something that your child is struggling with. When you repeatedly punish your child for this, you may be setting them up to fail. Following this pattern, your child may stop trying altogether because they believe that, no matter how hard they try, they cannot please you.
Instead of entering screaming mode, gently remind your child about the task. Punishment can come into play if your child is reminded several times and defies to make the bed but, most of the time, this is not the case. Try to give your child the benefit of the doubt, and understand their struggles.
How can I effectively manage my child’s anger?
Anger outbursts, or temper tantrums, are a common issue for children with ADHD. Putting your child in “time-out” can be an effective way to manage your child’s aggression. If you are out in public and cannot do this, simply removing your child from the situation in a calm and decisive manner works.
Time-out should not be viewed as a negative thing. Instead, explain the concept to your child. You can tell your child that time-out is an opportunity for them to cool down, and reflect on what just occurred.
If your child’s behavior is not destructive, abusive, or intentionally disruptive, time-out can be a good remedy.
Positive Parenting Tips for Kids with ADHD
Pay more attention to your child’s positive behavior
When you are trying to control your child’s ADHD symptoms, it can be easy to overlook the good because you are so focused on the bad. So, you should try to retrain yourself to look at the positive. If you see your child doing something good, praise them. When you do this, you are teaching them what you want and what you do not want.
Positive comments can:
Foster well-being
Build resilience
Maintain healthy relationships
Additionally, be mindful of your child’s problems. Some issues you may consistently see can be problems that are particular to your child’s age group. It can be helpful to research the different stages of childhood development, and talk to your child therapist about the issues at hand.
2. Spend time learning about your child’s unique challenges
While working with an ADHD therapist is a great step to tackling issues surrounding your child’s development, you also play a role in your child’s ultimate success. Information is power.
It can be hard to accept that your child may be a little different than their peers. But, your child can sense resentment and pessimism which can lead to self-esteem issues. If you want your child to feel supported, have confidence in their abilities.
ADHD does not look the same in every child. Before you can help your child with ADHD, you have to educate yourself. From spotting the symptoms and getting a diagnosis to learning the unique challenges your child may face at school.
Once you do this, you can change how you view your child’s symptoms. Instead of viewing them as hindrances, look at them as gifts. For example, your child’s endless energy, creativity, and interpersonal skills deserve appreciation! As your child grows, their vigor and enthusiasm will be seen as even more of an incredible asset.
3. Be mindful of the “bad news” surrounding ADHD
Sometimes, ADHD can carry a negative connotation. For instance, you may be hearing from your child’s teacher that they are “unmotivated” or “lazy” in the classroom. When you are just hearing about their bad behavior, it is unproductive.
Your child should feel empowered by their education. Your child can succeed if they get the help they need in school. Although your child’s mind works differently, they have the ability to learn and succeed just like any other kid.
Overall, parenting a child with ADHD can be challenging. It may seem like they are always preoccupied or losing something, and it may not always be easy to keep up with them. As hard as it may seem, please take comfort in knowing that working with a child ADHD therapist and educating yourself on ADHD, can make the developmental process easier for you and your family.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager and Intake Coordinator at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark, planning to study Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. As a Social Media Manager at Anchor Therapy, Victoria is committed to producing content for and managing the office’s social media presence and blog.
