*Spoilers about the film Don’t Worry Darling ahead!*
In 2022, director, Olivia Wilde, produced the film Don’t Worry Darling, starring Harry Styles and Florence Pugh. Florence's character is Alice and Harry Styles depicts her husband Jack. The film follows Alice and Jack’s marriage as they live in a utopian place called Victory Town. While the lives and partnership of Alice and Jack seems perfect at first, the cracks in their relationship are revealed throughout the course of the film. The “once-perfect” relationship we saw between Alice and Jack dissolves, and the audience witnesses their connection for what it truly is- a toxic relationship.
Becoming trapped in a toxic relationship can happen easily. When you are being manipulated and gaslighted, it can be hard to create an exit plan or to even see the warning signs. When caught in these relationships, you can develop feelings of anxiety and depression along with low self esteem for always being scrutinized and belittled. Being able to recognize the toxic antics of your partner can save you from a downward spiral of emotions. If you are struggling, do not hesitate to reach out to a licensed therapist today. Seeking counseling can be on the individual level, and can benefit the couple as well.
Continue reading along if you want to learn more about the role of toxic relationships in the hit film Don’t Worry Darling.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, Florida, North Carolina, and Utah.
The Backdrop of Don’t Worry Darling
In Victory Town, there are other couples that seem to live the fantasy life and have the perfect marriage. Generally, all of the couples believe that the outside world is becoming a failed society. Everyday, the wives of Victory Town complete the same task and fill the role of being the perfect housewife while their husbands complete long days of work. All seems to be going well until Alice notices some behavior that seems unusual for the residents in Victory Town.
What does Alice recognize?
As Alice starts noticing unusual behaviors, she begins to discover the truth about her situation and Victory Town as a whole. In other words, everything she thought was true turns out to be false and the truth comes to light. In the end, Alice discovers she has been placed in a virtual reality simulation against her will by her husband. Jack keeps Alice hostage in the Victory Town simulation since their marriage was struggling in the real world. Alice is a doctor in the real world and is the breadwinner, often working long hours. Jack discovered the Victory Town simulation is the perfect way to trap Alice and create the life Jack desires, getting Alice all to himself.
The simulation fails once Alice picks up on the inhuman aspects of Victory Town and begins to have flashbacks of her life before. She starts seeing things that the simulation tries to hide. Eventually, Alice is able to piece everything together and sees that the man she thought Jack was is a lie. Even though Jack thought he was doing what he believed was best for their relationship, he kidnapped and trapped Alice into a virtual reality. Alice fights for her life in an effort to escape from the illusion of Victory Town and the men that kept her captive.
What role does Jack play in their relationship?
Jack is set to depict the typical 1950s husband. The husband is the main provider for the family. He leaves for work in the morning then returns from work right before dinner. In Jack’s mind, he is sacrificing so much by working every day to stay in the Victory Project and, for all this hard work, Alice should be eternally grateful towards him. Jack, along with the other husbands in Victory, found the Victory Project in the outside world through the radio and internet. The creator of Victory Town is a man named Frank. In the simulation, Frank is the owner of Victory Town and the boss of all the husbands in Victory Town. Everyone is to answer to Frank and will do anything to impress him. On the other hand, in the real world, Olivia WIlde’s character who is a wife in the town, depicts Frank as an incel-like cult leader that lures in men that feel like less than in their relationships to pay him to be a part of the reality. An incel is a member of an online community of young men who consider themselves unable to attract women sexually, typically associated with views that are hostile toward women and men who are sexually active. Jack is Frank’s perfect target since, outside of the simulation, Jack is insecure, an outcast, and feels alienated by Alice after losing his job and solely relying on her income.
Jack’s perfect reality consists of Alice cooking breakfast in the morning, deep cleaning the house during the day, then cooking him dinner before he returns home from work in the evening. He also expects Alice to supply his sexual fantasies and host lavish parties to entertain his coworkers. Jack’s reality does not consist of children since he values having Alice all to himself.
Jack is the breadwinner of the family, and one of Frank’s favorites which can be seen when Jack is given a promotion in front of the whole town at one of Frank’s lavish parties. Frank uses this promotion to threaten Jack to keep Alice in line and deter her from finding out the truth. This makes Jack become even more angry when Alice shares her precautions with him because everything seems to be getting better for Jack, and Alice is the only thing that can get in the way of that.
Even though Jack is supposed to be the overly-confident breadwinner in the simulation, his insecurities still show.
Jack’s antics are extremely representative of an insecure partner since he exhibits the following traits and behavior:
Lack of independent social life
Jealousy
Playing the victim card
No personal space
Cannot handle criticism
Snaps back often
Needs reassurance
Jack cannot handle when Alice questions anything that is not related to the role she is supposed to be playing. He takes it as if Alice is offending him for not putting all of her faith in him. Jack fails to recognize that Alice does trust him, but she is just curious like all of the other wives as well. The secrets that he is forced to keep drives a wedge between the couple.
Jack often makes Alice feel as if she was going crazy when all along she was on to something. This is common for toxic partners to do to their significant other. The toxic partner makes the other feel insecure by making them rethink their position in the relationship. For example, if your partner comes home from work, you may begin to ask them questions about their day. In an effort to conceal a secret, your partner may get angry at you for being curious. Your partner may try to turn the situation around on you, saying that if you were productive like them, you would not have so many questions about their day or care so much. In this situation, standing up for how you feel is beneficial and rewarding in the end.
How else is Jack a toxic partner?
Jack loses his temper with Alice whenever she questions the motives of Frank or what they really are doing living in Victory Town. He tells her she is putting their livelihood at risk by asking these questions and they could lose everything Jack has worked for. This is Jack playing the victim and snapping at Alice when she shares her concerns. Jack cannot handle Alice sharing any of her concerns since he believes she should just do her part of being a stay-at-home wife. Jack’s gaslighting behavior traps Alice in a toxic relationship. If you are noticing similarities between these attributes and those of your partner, check out our blog “How to Tell if You’re in a Toxic Relationship”.
Gaslighting is manipulating someone by using psychological methods which makes them question their own sanity or powers of reasoning. Gaslighting is present throughout the whole film. The husbands are all gaslighting their wives into thinking they are giving them a world they should be eternally grateful for. When someone is gaslighting their partner they are establishing their control in an effort to hide their own insecurities. Check out our blog “7 Ways to Let Go of Control Issues” if you think this is something you or a loved one may struggle with.
In the real world, it was clear that Jack and Alice were once very much in love and happy. This can be seen in Alice’s flashbacks of Jack and her dancing and singing a song together. Soon after that, Jack loses his job and it is apparent that the couple are then forced to move to a smaller, run-down apartment. This was a life transition in Alice and Jack’s life that created a rift for the couple. Due to Jack’s loss of income, Alice is forced to pick up more shifts to pay their bills which, as a doctor, is demanding on her body and she often comes home tired. This is frustrating for Jack since he wants Alice to come home and care for him, and he senses their intimacy fading away. Instead of searching for drastic measures, like forcing your loved one into a virtual reality simulation against her will, Jack should have voiced his concerns to Alice.
To work on communication issues, both partners need to work on their communication skills. While voicing your opinions is important, it is also important to be a good listener. The conversation should be two-sided, and one person should not have more say over the other. With the help of a relationship counselor, they cannot only help both individuals learn how to communicate better, but also serve as a mediator for the conversation to ensure everyone will be heard.
Alternatively, how could Jack have handled this situation?
The downhill spiral of Jack and Alice’s relationship began when Jack lost his job. From there they went through a couple of life transitions like moving and change of employment. Jack felt the need to solve the problem his own way instead of reaching out to therapists that are equipped to help people going through life transitions.
What problems are persistent in Alice and Jack’s relationships?
Alice and Jack have a range of issues in their partnership which is cause for concern. When Jack and Alice do argue or Alice asks about what Jack’s job consists of, Jack often becomes defensive. He tells Alice it is a secret and Frank would know if he ever was to disclose what his job was. He tells Alice repeatedly not to worry and they are doing good for the world.
At the end of most of these conversations, Jack asks Alice if she loves him. He does this for reassurance and wants their love to shield any complications they may have in this utopia. This is manipulation since Jack is trying to convince Alice that everything is going to be okay because they love each other. Jack wants to avoid the problems they have and mask them with his love for Alice and everything that he does for her. He manipulates Alice to see through all the negatives.
In addition, Jack fails to communicate with Alice about how he is feeling. In reality, he hides behind his computer and, when he does choose to share how he is feeling, it comes off in a nagging and aggressive tone. He also chooses to confront Alice when she is tired from working all day trying to provide for the both of them. Communication is not only key in romantic relationships, but relationships with families and friends as well.
Jack and Alice would benefit greatly from couples therapy. This way, they would have allotted time for each other so they could discuss how they are feeling about their relationship. With the help of a relationship counselor, both sides can be heard from an unbiased perspective.
Some benefits of couples therapy are as follows:
Improve communication
Change problematic behaviors
Better understanding of each other’s needs
Gain a deeper understanding of your relationship dynamics
View your connection from a new lens
Improve overall relationship satisfaction
How to Get Out of a Toxic Relationship
Unfortunately for Alice, the only way she was able to escape was murdering her husband Jack. In real life, this is obviously not the answer. There are numerous ways to leave a toxic relationship. If you are struggling with emotional or physical abuse, it is advised to leave the relationship right away.
Some ways you can leave a toxic relationship include:
Build your social support
Explore ways to become more independent
Lean on family, friends, and others as you are leaving
Get help from professionals, including a therapist, attorney, or law enforcement
Cut off contact with the other person
Care for yourself as you transition out of the toxic relationship
In the film, Alice had a friend group with all of the wives since most of their days consisted of shopping together or hanging out at the pool. Only one friend in the group, besides Alice, was aware that they were living in a virtual simulation.
The Role of Grief in Bunny’s Life
Alice’s best friend was her neighbor named Bunny who chose to be put in virtual reality since she lost both of her kids in the real world. It is never revealed how Bunny lost her kids in the real world, but it can be assumed it brought her a large amount of grief since she chooses to live in an alternate reality rather than the real world. Bunny is running away from her reality by living in a false one. Bunny would have benefited from grief counseling for both her and her husband.
With the assistance of a grief therapist, all of the emotions that go along with grief can be processed and a light at the end of the tunnel can hopefully be found. Bunny also feels guilt for being the only wife in Victory Town that is there knowingly and not against her will. Bunny’s guilt makes her sympathetic towards Alice and ultimately leads to Bunny helping Alice escape the simulation.
Why is having social support important when leaving a toxic relationship?
In the real world, having a supportive social group can help you realize you do not need to be so dependent on one person and you can have other people that can support you outside of your romantic relationship. Having a separate friend group can help during the break up since you do not have to be around each other if you share friends. If you find yourself struggling during the end of a relationship, check out our blog “Is Breakup Counseling Right for you?”.
The important thing is to remember that you are not alone and there are people that can help you get out of the toxic relationship you are in.
It is also important not to let yourself go when leaving a relationship. Your mental health should always be a priority in your life. By establishing a routine, you will keep yourself healthy.
Prioritizing mental health looks different for everyone, but some examples are:
Going to dinner with friends
Visiting family
Picking up more shifts at work
Reading a good book
Practicing Yoga
Treating yourself to a spa day
Any activity that can make you feel good about yourself is one worth doing!
Being a Woman in 2023
In 2023, gender norms are changing and it is not untypical for the women to be the breadwinner. While this may be hard for some people to accept, it is the reality. Women are transitioning everyday more and more into work areas that were once considered to be male dominated. In Alice’s case, she was a doctor in the medical field.
Jack thought he was saving her since she had to work so many hours. However, he failed to see Alice’s joy in working since all he could see was his own misery. In an altercation Alice and Jack encountered, Alice expresses to Jack how much she enjoyed the job since it was hers. Jack had no right to decide what was good for her and determine if she should leave the job or not. With the help of couples therapy, a counselor can help a couple redefine their relationship. This can help explain gender roles or change them to meet a couple’s goals.
Victory Being Set in the 1950s
It is ironic that the Victory Project is set in the 1950s since that was the time frame when conformity was valued and branching off was looked down upon. Conformity can be seen repeatedly in Don’t Worry Darling through the women wearing similar clothes, participating in the same leisure activities, and performing the same chores every day. This is also seen by the men all working for the same company and leaving their households at the same time every day.
When someone branches off in Victory Town, they are shunned by the others in the neighborhood and put through a medical examination. From there, they could be prescribed pills that would help them “calm down” or they would be taken into shock therapy to make them forget what they were becoming suspicious of.
In the 1950s, mental health was not talked about nearly enough, and therapy was not considered to be normal. If you were struggling mentally, you were often looked down upon or just told to “get over it”. During current times, this stigma is declining more and more every day. More resources are being created and offered for various types of mental health disorders. At Anchor Therapy we offer an array of therapeutic modalities to help you with whatever you are struggling with.
In all, Jack and Alice’s marriage was a facade. Jack could not handle the life path Alice was on, and he felt as if he was being left behind. Even though the film is fiction, Jack took extreme measures and trapped Alice into a situation against her will. If Jack were to voice how he was feeling or consider the numerous other options to fix their relationship, they could have been happy once again in reality. Jack could have benefited from individual therapy to help with the dissatisfaction he was feeling in his life. Couples therapy may be intimidating to some, but it can be extremely beneficial to get an outside perspective into your relationships problems. It is clear that Jack and Alice would have benefitted from couples counseling.
While Don’t Worry Darling showcases a toxic relationship in the fictional sense, it shares many common characteristics with other toxic relationships, such as isolating and gaslighting a partner. The movie’s protagonist, Alice, combats the dynamics of toxic masculinity at play in her relationship and Victory Town as a whole. In the end, Alice was able to escape her toxic relationship while freeing the other women who were being held captive in the virtual reality. With the inclusion of important themes surrounding gaslighting and relationship toxicity, Don’t Worry Darling is a film that accurately showcases mental health struggles. This film has many takeaways but, perhaps the most important one of all, is prioritizing yourself and learning to leave a toxic relationship since it is no longer serving you.
Sophia Richmond
is an undergraduate student at the University of Delaware studying Human Services with a concentration in Administration and Family Policy. Sophia wants to continue her education and attend graduate school, hoping to work with teens struggling with self esteem, mental health, and eating disorders. She also has an interest in social media and hopes to grow her resume in that area.
IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR HELP FROM A PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR TO ASSIST YOU IN MAKING POSITIVE CHANGES IN YOUR LIFE, CONTACT US
WORKING WITH US IS EASY
Fill out the contact form below.
Our intake coordinator will get back to you with more information on how we can help and to schedule an appointment. We will set you up with an experienced licensed therapist who specializes in what you're seeking help with and who understands your needs.
You’ll rest easy tonight knowing you made the first step to improve your life.
