Spoilers ahead if you have not watched Selena Gomez’s documentary, “My Mind and Me” yet!
Selena Gomez’s much-anticipated documentary, entitled My Mind and Me, hit Apple TV on November 2nd, 2022. The documentary follows Selena Gomez, an American singer, actress, producer, and philanthropist, after years of growing up and living life in the public eye. Gomez began acting as a child in Barney & Friends. Soon after, she blossomed into a full-blown star, landing a hit tv show on the Disney channel and becoming one of the most-followed celebrities. However, with all of this success also came its fair share of challenges. Specifically, mental health challenges.
My Mind and Me offers a raw glimpse into the life of Gomez over a six year period. While Gomez has spent much of her life in the spotlight, she largely remains a very private person. The public may know details about Gomez from her famous social relationships, like her friendship with Taylor Swift and previous relationship with Justin Bieber, but we do not know much about Gomez’s personality, let alone her mental health struggles.
After watching My Mind and Me, there are many important lessons we can take away from the documentary.
Gomez opens up the documentary with a pledge, “Let me make a promise. I’ll only tell you my darkest secrets.” This statement holds true for the entirety of the film. Gomez showed an undeniable amount of vulnerability throughout the documentary, encompassing detailing her struggles with Bipolar Disorder to her health battles with the autoimmune disease lupus. Gomez’s level of honesty and bravery is an inspiration to people everywhere.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, Florida, North Carolina, and Utah.
Gomez does not want to be defined by her previous relationship
In the beginning of the documentary, Gomez shares details about a phone call she had with her manager. The phone call was about a song with her ex-boyfriend Justin Bieber. She spoke about how this incident contributed to her feeling like her personal success was constantly being overshadowed by her relationship. With tears streaming down her face, Gomez asks: “When am I just going to be good enough by myself?”.
Power dynamics in relationships are real and, unfortunately, they can leave one partner feeling like their personality and general presence is erased when the other partner is around. Power plays a role in all relationships, and it is not as simple as one partner being dominant and the other being submissive. In the case of Gomez and Bieber, both were high-profile celebrities, but power dynamics persisted nonetheless.
“Power dynamics” in romantic relationships refer to the roles in a given connection and a way of interacting that influences your partner’s actions.
If there is an imbalance of power, power dynamics can manifest in multiple ways, including:
Endless arguments
Emotional distance
Resentment
When you understand typical power dynamics, you can resolve conflict, and curate a balanced and emotionally-healthy and secure relationship.
2. Gomez does not want to be defined by her past
Gomez repeatedly shows her desire to not be defined by her past, whether that be her past relationship or her previous work with Disney channel. She fears coming off as too “young” even though she is a young adult.
When you go through life transitions, especially as a young adult, it can be hard to distinguish your past from your present and your future goals. As Gomez grows in the public eye, from child to teen to adult, her life changes drastically each step of the way. It can be hard to keep up with these changes, especially when you are trying to keep it altogether in front of the whole world.
Life transitions are difficult. They force you to let go of what is familiar and known to you in exchange for something scary and new which requires a high level of vulnerability. It does not help that most life transitions start with many losses- losing a role, job, person, and so on. If you are having a hard time going through life transitions, you do not need to undertake them on your own. Check out our blog “The Best Ways To Cope With Life Transitions.”
The bottom line of the story is that your past does not define you. You are constantly changing. You can change now, paving the way forward to your future. If you have been through something particularly difficult and find that you cannot escape your past, try finding healthy coping mechanisms, such as yoga and meditation. Read our blog “The Mental Health Benefits Of Practicing Yoga” and “How Meditation Can Lead To Stress Reduction.”
3. She canceled a world tour for mental health reasons
In an attempt to shed her Disney-kid image, Gomez put a lot of pressure on herself to complete a world tour. After a rehearsal for her 2016 Revival tour, Gomez breaks down to her friends, confessing her feelings about the tour.
Gomez described her battle with intrusive thoughts that tell her the show is not good enough and she is not a perfect performer. She told her friends about her unhappiness and, despite words of encouragement from her pals, she could not believe what they were saying or calm down.
Intrusive thoughts are unwanted thoughts, urges, impulses, and images that can occur at random moments. These thoughts can be a product of internal or external stimuli. These thoughts can be stressful and they tend to recur. If you struggle with intrusive thoughts, read our blog “6 Ways To Handle Intrusive Thoughts.”
Our thoughts are never entirely within our control. In fact, it is natural for our minds to think negatively sometimes; however, it is expected that we can “pull ourselves out of” those negative, intrusive thoughts. Becoming aware of your thought patterns is the first step in breaking the cycle of your intrusive thoughts.
Instead of trying to magically erase your intrusive thoughts, try to shift your focus. Think of giving the thoughts less meaning which will make them less overwhelming. In other words, you are creating space between you and the thought, simply observing what you are thinking. You are in control. One effective treatment for intrusive thoughts is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
CBT is a common form of psychotherapy. When you work with a CBT therapist, you are actively changing your behavioral patterns.
You can change your behavioral patterns by:
Facing your fears instead of avoiding them
Learning how to calm your mind and body
Using role playing techniques with your CBT counselor so you can prepare for triggering situations
Learning to recognize distortions in your thinking which is creating problems
Gaining a better understand regarding your behavior and motivations
Using problem-solving skills to cope with hard situations
Learning to develop confidence in your abilities
The intense scene of Gomez’s intrusive thoughts ended with mental health issues coming to a peak for her, stopping her tour after 55 performances to enter a treatment facility. While Gomez was deeply struggling, the press was creating an image of Gomez as a “party girl” who was “drinking too much.”
4. She struggled with suicidal ideation
Gomez blankly stated, “I thought the world would be better if I wasn’t there.” Theresa Mingus, Gomez’s previous assistant, spoke about when she learned that Gomez was struggling with suicidal ideation at the time of the cancellation of the Revival tour. Mingus recounted, “And it was one of those moments where you look in her eyes, and there's nothing there. It was just pitch black. And it's so scary.”
Suicide is a tragic reaction to stressful life circumstances. Suicide is especially tragic because it can be prevented.
Here are some signs someone is struggling with suicidal ideation:
Openly talking about suicide and/or self-harm
Getting the means to take one’s own life (e.g., buying pills)
Withdrawing from the social world
Having mood swings
Feeling trapped and/or hopeless about a situation
Being preoccupied with thoughts of death and violence
Increased use of drugs and alcohol
Change in daily routines (e.g., sleeping patterns, eating patterns, etc.)
Saying “goodbye” to people as if they will never be seen again
Developing personality changes (e.g., becoming severely anxious or depressed)
The signs and symptoms of suicidal ideation looks different person-to-person. Warning signs are not always obvious.
If you are feeling suicidal, help is only a phone call away at the free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988.
5. Gomez suffered psychosis in 2018
Gomez recounted hearing voices in her head, and suffered a psychotic break in 2018. This caused her to enter mental health treatment for months. Raquelle Stevens, Gomez’s friend, stated, "If anybody saw what I saw in the state that she was in at the mental hospital, they wouldn’t have recognized her at all, and I was devastated because psychosis can last from days to weeks to months to years to life.”
Psychosis is used to describe conditions that impact the mind. This occurs when there is a loss of contact with reality. Psychosis is also referred to as a psychotic episode. When someone is under a period of psychosis, one person’s thoughts and perceptions are disturbed. The person in a psychotic state may not understand what is real and what is not real.
Some signs and symptoms of psychosis include:
Withdrawing socially (spending much more time alone)
Confused speech or trouble communicating
Suspiciousness and/or paranoid ideas
Trouble thinking clearly and concentrating
Sudden drop in grades or performance at work
Intense new ideas, strange feelings, etc.
Decline in self-care and general hygiene
Hard time distinguishing reality from fantasy
Typically, symptoms of psychosis include delusions, also known as false beliefs, and hallucinations, such as hearing or seeing things that other people do not hear or witness.
A person in a psychotic episode may also experience the following:
Sleep problems (If you struggle with insomnia, read our blog “How CBT Can Help With Your Insomnia”)
Anxiety (If you want to know if you have an anxiety disorder, take our Anxiety Quiz)
Depression (If you want to find out if you have depression, take our Depression Quiz)
Social withdrawal
Lack of motivation
Difficult time functioning
6. Gomez takes power in educating herself regarding her Bipolar diagnosis
After her psychiatric break and stay at a mental health facility, Gomez was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. This is a mental health disorder that is associated with mood swing episodes and emotional ranges, from depressive lows to manic highs. The exact cause of Bipolar Disorder is unknown. Typically, a combination of environment, genetics, and altered brain structure and chemistry plays a role.
Gomez wanted to educate herself on Bipolar Disorder as much as possible to erase the fear she felt surrounding her diagnosis. As part of her mental health journey, she felt it was important to share her diagnosis with the world although her team worried how the press would twist her words.
A member of Gomez’s team told her, “No one thinks that you need to say you’re Bipolar. You’re 27 years old and you have a lifetime to tell the world. Unless you are determined that now’s the time. No one’s against it. It’s just that, that becomes the narrative.” Ultimately, Gomez decided it was best to be honest.
7. Gomez has big goals of making mental health education widespread
Gomez wants to work to create a bill that requires therapy classes to be taught in American school systems. She recounts being a young child in kindergarten being asked about her feelings but, once you get older, no one asks anymore.
In 2020, Gomez created the Rare Impact Fund and raised over $100 million to provide free mental health resources to young people. In 2022, the Rare Impact Fund hosted an event, a Youth Action Forum, at the White House. Gomez met with President Biden to discuss implementation of mental health programs in schools.
Overall, My Mind and Me is a raw documentary that highlights the not-so-glamorous life of a well-known star. While life may seem glamorous on the outside, Gomez shows that she is no different from anyone else and still struggles with mental health problems like the average person. No level of success can magically wipe away a mental health disorder, and Gomez is helping in erasing the negative stigma surrounding mental health.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager and Intake Coordinator at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark and is currently studying Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. As a Social Media Manager at Anchor Therapy, Victoria is committed to producing content for and managing the office’s social media presence and blog.
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