You work every day in a virtual environment. You scroll endlessly on social media. You are surrounded by people at the gym. So, why do you feel lonely?
Before the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, loneliness was already on the rise. In fact, loneliness was considered a public health concern in 2017. The United States Surgeon General even declared a loneliness epidemic, leading to a friendship recession as well. For more information on the loneliness epidemic, check out our blog “How to Battle the Loneliness Epidemic.”
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, couples, and families with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
Is the Friendship Recession Real?
Daniel Cox, a representative of the American Enterprise Institute, created the term “friendship recession.” The term “friendship recession” refers to the increasing number of adults who report not having a certain number of close friends.
The research shows that the number of close friends United States adults have has plummeted over the past three decades. Many researchers project that this is a trend that is only going to grow in size.
Adults who report not having friends have no one to turn to during times of crisis, thus increasing loneliness. Loneliness can negatively impact your mental health and lessen your quality of life.
While we will get into the reasons for the friendship recession, it is clear that we have a very serious issue on our hands. Regardless of your age, gender, socioeconomic status, religion, race, and/or relationship status, you have been impacted by the friendship recession in one way or another. The friendship recession can even include lifelong friendships. It is all about how you deepen and maintain the relationships in your life as well.
Let us really think about it… When was the last time you hung out with a friend? When was the last time you called your parent(s) or another family member? When can you last recall having a heart-to-heart conversation with a loved one? If you cannot recall the answer to one or more of these questions, it is likely that you have been affected by the friendship recession.
Exploring the Underlying Factors of the Friendship Recession
There are a lot of factors that are responsible for the cause of the friendship recession.
For one, there has been a significant decline in more traditional societal institutions. For one, people are now marrying and starting a family later in life than ever before. There is even a growing population of people who are forgoing marriage altogether.
Some adults may be deciding to prioritize their career or they are simply seeking financial stability before entering a romantic partnership. Our ever-changing societal norms are also placing less interest on traditional timeframes for meeting someone, getting into a committed relationship, and having children.
If you have a hard time striking the happy medium between work and your personal life, our blog “3 Ways to Achieve Work-Life Balance” is a must-read.
Since the COVID-19 pandemic, virtual work setups have become normal. This has inherently redefined how we interact with and even collaborate with people professionally. Remote work offers room for flexibility and convenience but, if your mental health is not managed properly, it can lead to feeling isolated and disconnected from the social world.
In a traditional office setting, face-to-face conversations were commonplace and, now with that gone, it may hamper your ability to form strong interpersonal relationships, including friendships which form based on shared experiences and interactions. For additional support, read our blog “11 Tips to Working from Home if You Have Anxiety or Depression.”
It is also believed that the lessening of religious institutions, beliefs, and practices has played a pivotal role in the friendship recession. Religious institutions used to offer space for regular gatherings, community events, and shared values.
Communal spaces, like a church, temple, or synagogue, used to be prosperous spaces for igniting friendships based on shared values and social support networks. A decline in religiosity can equate to less opportunities to form connections outside of your family or professional circle.
Digital communication has made it easier than ever to connect with other people but, at the same time, it may leave communication feeling quite superficial. A quick text message or direct message on social media or virtual hangouts through FaceTime or Zoom may not give you the same sense of connection as a face-to-face conversation. Because of this, you may find that you are experiencing a decline in meaningful friendships.
Now more than ever before, we know that modern life breeds busy, hectic schedules. A demanding job, work and/or school obligations, family responsibilities, and additional commitments may leave you with little to no time to invest into friendships. Constantly trying to juggle all of your responsibilities may mean that you are neglecting your social connections.
Even living in a city, where you would think there are an endless amount of opportunities for social connection, it can be hard to form meaningful connections. You may have a lot of social interactions with people on a daily basis but they may be fleeting and less intimate. Fast-paced city life can actually pose a challenge when it comes to creating enduring friendships.
Lastly, mental health challenges (e.g., anxiety, depression, trauma, and so on) can hinder your ability to connect with other people and maintain those connections. Loneliness, self-doubt, and social isolation can create further barriers to forming friendships.
As you can see, there are many causes of the friendship recession. Our overall landscape of social connections has shifted so much in the past few decades, and certainly since the COVID-19 pandemic. When you know the underlying factors of the friendship recession, you know where you should direct your actions to inspire change in your life, from community-building initiatives to fostering a work-life balance.
Is Friendship Really Important?
It is true that, as we age, we lose many friends since our priorities shift to other things, such as work or children. But, that does not make friendships any less important.
Friends are a crucial support system during the good times and the bad times. You have someone to talk to, someone to share your feelings and experiences with, and lastly someone to receive empathy from. When you have friends, you feel a sense of connectedness and belonging. You have the chance to engage in social interactions and engage in your community.
Friendships offer you the chance for personal growth and self-discovery. By interacting with different people, you learn new points of view and develop important social skills, like empathy, conflict resolution, and communication.
It is not uncommon for friends to have shared interests, experiences, and hobbies. This gives you and a friend(s) the chance for mutual exploration and enjoyment. Shared experiences can provide you all with memories and even fortify your friendship.
A supportive friend offers practical assistance and encouragement during life transitions, such as starting a new job, moving to a new location, or achieving personal goals.
The following are some mental health benefits of having a close companion:
Stress reduction (Read our blog “Everything You Need to Know about Stress Management Therapy”)
Emotional support
Sense of belonging
Boosted self-esteem (Check out our blog “Do You Understand Your Self-Esteem?”)
Enhanced happiness
Sense of belonging
Enhanced coping mechanisms
Development of social skills
Reduced risk of depression
Exploring the Friendship Recession: Statistics, Trends, and Implications for Social Connection
As you know, loneliness is common and it harms your mental and emotional health. It is likely that you already knew about the harmful effects of loneliness, but did you know that prolonged loneliness is equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day? Loneliness can ever surpass your mental health by affecting your physical health, worsening neurological and cardiovascular health.
There are broad implications for loneliness, such as lonely people being more likely to die. This is not to cause panic. Feeling lonely from time-to-time does not mean that you are doomed. With that being said, prolonged loneliness is a serious cause for concern and it may be helpful to know that you are not alone in feeling how you are feeling- possibly lonely and isolated.
Just like anyone else, you deserve to be cared for and loved just as you are. Finding connections and seeking support from a licensed therapist at Anchor Therapy can be a step in the right direction.
When it comes to what population of people being most affected by the loneliness epidemic and friendship recession, it appears to be men. According to the American Survey Center, in the 1990s, 3% of young men reported having no close friends. Today, that number has risen to 15%.
In 1990, 55% of men reported having at least six close friends. Now, only 27% of men are reporting having six friends or more companions.
Out of men, single men are doing the worst in the friendship recession. Out of American men who are unmarried or not in relationships, one in five of them report having no close friends at all.
While it is true that quality matters more than quantity when it comes to having a social circle, the number of friends one has does play a role. Americans with one friend are not any less lonely than their counterparts without any close friends. Then, people with a few close friends are a little better off but not much.
People with three friends or less report feeling lonely at least once a week. It is a pretty common experience for this population of people.
As it is, men have a harder time in the friendship recession and they report being less emotionally connected to the friends they do have.
Compared to women, men have a hard time emotionally connecting to the friends due to the following reasons:
Peer pressure
Cultural expectations
Stigma around emotions
Socialization norms
Fear of judgment
Lack of role models
Coping mechanisms (e.g., solitary activities, seeking distraction, etc.)
Both men and women can benefit from having strong emotional bonds with their companions. The difference is that women are successful in constructing these types of friendships whereas men are generally not. High and healthy amounts of emotional engagement and support from friends matters. An American who receives an adequate amount of emotional support from their friends are less likely to experience anxiety or feel alone. This is true no matter how many friends you have.
It is no secret that developing close friendships requires a certain level of vulnerability. Being vulnerable leads to authentic connection, mutual trust, increased intimacy, reciprocity, and empathy and compassion. For more information, read our blog “3 Steps to Becoming More Vulnerable.”
Coping Strategies and Resilience in the Face of the Friendship Recession
As the data shows, the friendship recession may be here to stay with the way it is currently projected, but there is always room for change. Luckily, there are strategies you can employ to navigate and mitigate the impact of the friendship recession.
Friendship is all about investing the time and effort into your relationships- this can even include your existing friendships. Reach out to your friends regularly (even if it is just a quick check-in phone call), schedule a time to catch up, and make sure that you are having meaningful discussions with one another so you can maintain a strong relationship. For example, if you enjoy talking about current world affairs, make sure that you have these conversations. Do not deprive yourself of them.
As an adult, it can be hard to form meaningful connections. With that being said, you should still aim to stay open to expanding your social circle. From attending social events in your community to joining a club that peaks your interest, such as a book club, you can participate in enjoyable activities while you meet like-minded people.
In your quest to build a social circle, you may aim to find a large number of acquaintances, but that should not be the focus. You should aim to find a deep, meaningful relationship as those will provide you with support, a sense of understanding, and fulfillment. After all, what is the point of having 20+ friends if not one of them will be there for you in a time of need?
When it comes to forming friendships, sharing your inner thoughts, feelings, and experiences is key. This will foster openness and intimacy in a friendship. Alongside this, practicing active listening and empathy is important. That way, if an issue or misunderstanding does arise, you can respectfully resolve it.
In a world where digital communication is only growing, embracing it can be beneficial instead of trying to swear it off. If you have a friend who has moved away, a weekly FaceTime call can do wonders when it comes to maintaining your friendship. Video calls, messaging apps, and social media are great ways to stay connected when used appropriately. Of course, it is necessary to use social media in a healthy manner. If you fear that you are building an unhealthy relationship with social media applications, read our blog “Do I Have A Social Media Addiction?”.
Just as you have to adapt to the times, you also have to be proactive. Do not hesitate to make plans with people and reach out to friends. To maintain friendships, you have to actively engage rather than always waiting for other people to initiate.
If you are seriously struggling with the friendship recession, reaching out to a mental health counselor at Anchor Therapy can help. You should not be alone in your feelings of loneliness, isolation, and obstacles in forming and maintaining friendships. The support of a therapist can provide you with the guidance, encouragement, and perspective that you need.
There are several benefits to seeing a therapist if you are experiencing loneliness as a result of the friendship recession:
Validation of feelings
Developing coping skills
Exploring root causes
Challenging your negative beliefs
Building social skills
Exploring social patterns
Exploring social opportunities
Addressing underlying mental health issues
While you may feel lonely, you are not alone. If you are experiencing negative setbacks or emotional discomfort due to the friendship recession, do not hesitate to reach out for help.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager and Intake Coordinator at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark. In her roles, Victoria is committed to managing the office’s social media presence and prioritizing clients' needs.
IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR HELP FROM A PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR TO ASSIST YOU IN MAKING POSITIVE CHANGES IN YOUR LIFE, CONTACT US
WORKING WITH US IS EASY
Fill out the contact form below.
Our intake coordinator will get back to you with more information on how we can help and to schedule an appointment. We will set you up with an experienced licensed therapist who specializes in what you're seeking help with and who understands your needs.
You’ll rest easy tonight knowing you made the first step to improve your life.
