What To Do When Someone Is Using You As A Scapegoat

While everyone suffers and goes through uncomfortable situations from time-to-time, that does not mean that you should be left to suffer. In a scapegoating situation, you as the scapegoat are the one who assumes responsibility on behalf of someone else. This is not a voluntary position that you offer, instead it is pushed upon you. 

Scapegoating can occur in many different environments. Most commonly, people discuss scapegoating dynamics within families. For more information, read our blog “Understanding the Psychology of Scapegoating in Families.” In families, a scapegoat can be unfairly blamed for conflicts within the family.

With that being said, scapegoating can occur in other relationships as well. At work, an employee or group of workers may be blamed for company-wide or organizational problems. At school, a student may be targeted for classroom concerns. Within communities, certain people may be blamed for widespread social problems. Regardless of the setting, the act of scapegoating is always used to intentionally shift blame and avoid addressing the reality of a situation and the actual issues at-hand.

Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, couples, and families with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.

Why do people scapegoat?

Scapegoating is a psychological defense. At its core, it involves projecting responsibility and wrongdoing onto other people. There can also be cultural and social factors at play when one makes the decision to scapegoat. 

Many people scapegoat to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. By blaming someone else, they do not have to take accountability for their actions which also means that they can avoid potential ramifications. Scapegoating can be used as a form of deflection as well. In other words, it can almost be a coping mechanism of sorts where a scapegoater does not have to deal with uncomfortable emotions, such as guilt, fear, and/or insecurity. Instead, these feelings are projected onto another person.

In some cases, scapegoating may be used as a source of social cohesion. When a group of people target a common enemy (or the scapegoat), they may feel a sense of solidarity with one another. That is to say, they have a common ‘enemy.’ This may be especially common in work or school settings, but it can occur with families as well. 

Scapegoating can also maintain specific power dynamics. Those in positions of authority or leadership maintain their power by diverting attention away from their weaknesses and blaming those shortcomings on someone else. Along this process, a scapegoater may create divisions within their environment or team to maintain authority as well.

Scapegoating is a simple way to deal with complex problems. Major societal or economic issues for example often do not come with straightforward solutions. Blaming a person or group of people for a specific problem may be psychologically satisfying over the alternative, crafting a solution to a complicated problem. 

Most of the time, scapegoaters have an extremely high or extremely low sense of self-worth. Because of this, they engage in scapegoating and possibly psychological projection. Psychological projection is when a person unconsciously projects their undesirable traits or feelings onto others. By doing so, they do not have to process this and can avoid feeling their feelings. For more information, read our blog “Do You Understand Your Self-Esteem?”.

For example, let us say that we are dealing with a scapegoater who turns to psychological projection due to their social anxiety. Because they feel anxious in social situations, they may claim that someone else is socially awkward or cause discomfort in a group in other ways. This creates some distance between the scapegoater and their own feelings of social inadequacy, relieving their anxiety for a short time. If you struggle with social anxiety, our blog “How to Talk to People When You Have Social Anxiety” is a must-read.

Scapegoaters may also struggle with control issues. Scapegoating can be a way for the scapegoater to assert control over a situation and shift blame away from them. Creating an illusion of control can help a scapegoater manage their insecurities, fears, and anxieties. To learn more, read “7 Ways to Let Go of Control Issues.”

Overall, scapegoating may be an unconscious defense mechanism. That is to say, the scapegoater does not even fully recognize what they are doing! They do not know that they are projecting their insecurities onto other people and, at the same time, they do not know how to process their insecurities in a healthy way to promote self-growth. This can create a warped picture of reality where a scapegoater genuinely starts to believe that the other person, or the scapegoat, is the source of the issue.

What type of person becomes a scapegoat?

Unfortunately, scapegoating is a very common practice. It has even become well-documented in recent years on a societal and cultural level. For instance, the Center for Economic and Policy Research has published information on scapegoating of ethnic minorities.

As touched on previously, historical and cultural factors play a role in scapegoating activities. Certain groups are predisposed to scapegoating due to certain injustices and stereotypes. Blame and discrimination can make social divisions grow even more. 

Generally speaking, a person who becomes a scapegoat is often perceived as a vulnerable person or group. This can make them an easy person or group to blame, or target. A scapegoat may differ from the norm in terms of their appearance, social status, personality, beliefs, religion, race, and more.

A lower status can often signal less power which may make it hard for a scapegoat to defend themselves. A person who is introverted, non-confrontational, or struggling with their own issues (e.g., anxiety, depression, etc.), may be exploited. 

These unfair power imbalances can allow the majority or the more dominant group to take over and silence the minority or the less powerful group. A scapegoat becomes a convenient way for a person or group of people to take their frustrations and failures out on someone else.

woman pointing at man and telling him he is a scapegoat in nyc

Examples of people who may become scapegoats include:

  • People under stress or other forms of vulnerability:

    A person undergoing a personal crisis (think mental health issue, family concern, health issues and so on) will be easier to scapegoat due to their vulnerability.

  • Victims of historical bias:

    As mentioned earlier, certain groups have been historically marginalized or discriminated against. For example, women in mostly male dominated professions.

  • Those with different beliefs or behaviors:

    People with different opinions or lifestyles that deviate from society’s standards or norm may be used as the scapegoat.

  • Minority group members:

    Racial, ethnic, religious, or cultural minorities can become scapegoats due to specific prejudices and/or stereotypes. A certain minority group may be unfairly blamed for broad social or economic problems.

  • Newcomers or outsiders:

    First-generation college students, new members of a community, new employees and so on can be easy to make scapegoats since they have not fully assimilated into their new neighborhood or community.

  • Introverted or non-confrontational people:

    Individuals who are less likely to stand up for themselves or defend themselves may be made as scapegoats because they do not come off as a major threat.

  • Workers in low-paying roles:

    Employees in a position where people may view it as ‘less important’ can become scapegoats and made to blame for a company’s organizational issues for example.

How do you know if someone is a scapegoat?

The first step to overcoming being a scapegoat is to recognize that you are one in the first place. Recognizing that someone is using you as a scapegoat can be challenging, but there are some telltale signs that can indicate scapegoat behavior.

If you are a scapegoat, you may relate to being consistently blamed for problems or failures, even if you had little to no involvement in the given situation. When you are involved, the accusations may seem disproportionate to your role. For instance, let us say that you helped throw a surprise birthday party for a family member, and your only role was to bring the family member to the party. When you arrive, your family member who the party is for seems upset and did not like the surprise. Somehow, you are blamed for your family member’s reaction.

Most of the time, the blame may be on you with little concrete evidence to support the scapegoater's claims. Other people may believe the scapegoater but it is only based on assumption or rumors- not real evidence or facts.

As a victim of scapegoating, you may feel isolated when in a group of people. People may distance themselves from you because they fear becoming a scapegoat out of pure association with you. They may also ignore you if they believe the accusations they hear.

If you are being made out to be a scapegoat, you likely will be able to notice it by clocking peoples’ patterns of behavior. Likely, you will be consistently blamed for many issues over a period of time. It is not just one isolated incident that equates to a scapegoating situation.

If a problem arises, all eyes go directly to you, even if it is a complex situation. This type of deflection is typical of scapegoating. And, when you do try to defend yourself, you have little sources of support. Your concerns go in one ear and out the other. Other times, people may believe you but they are afraid to speak up on your behalf out of fear of being targeted as well.

Another common facet of scapegoating is receiving unwanted criticism. This type of criticism goes beyond constructive feedback and crosses the line into excessive and unjustified criticism that can damage your self-confidence. For support, check out our blog “The Ultimate Guide to Building Self-Confidence.”

Your experience as being a scapegoat can trigger unnecessary stress and anxiety due to the constant blame and criticism you are receiving. This emotional toll can negatively impact your mental, emotional, and physical well-being.

woman talking to another woman telling her she is a scapegoat in nj

If you are made to be a scapegoat, you may relate with the following statements:

  • “People make assumptions about me without knowing the full story.”

  • “I get little to no support from other people when I am accused of something.”

  • “It always seems like I am being used to cover up other people’s mistakes.”

  • “I feel stressed and anxious about going to work/school/home because I am afraid of being blamed.”

  • “When something goes wrong, I am the first one people look at.”

  • “I often feel blamed for things that are not my fault.”

  • “No matter what I do, it never seems to be good enough for other people.”

When someone is using you as a scapegoat

Seeking the support of a professional mental health counselor at Anchor Therapy can be a big step towards taking control of your healing journey and regaining a sense of control over your life. 

The repetitive nature of the unfair blame cycle you are in is not your fault, and seeking therapy can be a proactive step. Any sense of stress, anxiety, and/or low self-esteem you are facing are normal human reactions to being a scapegoat. If you do not know how to navigate your emotions, working with a stress and anxiety therapist can give you the space needed to process your feelings in a healthy manner.


Working with a licensed psychotherapist for scapegoating abuse offers the following benefits:

  • A safe space

  • Emotional validation from an unbiased source

  • Someone who understands scapegoating dynamics

  • Gaining deeper self-awareness

  • Creating and enforcing healthy boundaries (Read our blog “6 Ways to Set Boundaries and Enforce Them”)

  • Stress management techniques

  • Rebuilding your self-esteem and confidence

  • The use of positive affirmations (Check out our blog “Do Affirmations Really Work?”)

  • Emotional healing

  • Grief processing 

  • Gaining a sense of empowerment

  • Better relationships

  • Recognizing healthy dynamics

  • Fostering resilience 

  • Enhanced problem-solving skills

  • Behavioral changes

  • Continuous mental health support 

Being used as a scapegoat can be disheartening. By recognizing the initial signs of scapegoating, you can protect yourself and dictate your peace. Setting healthy boundaries and seeking support from your social network are big steps in overcoming this toxic behavioral cycle.

You can move from victimhood to empowerment with the help of a therapist for scapegoating! Scapegoating abuse does not have to define your life- you can reclaim it.

Victoria Scala

is the Social Media Manager, Intake Coordinator, and Community Engagement Director at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark and is currently studying Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. In her roles, Victoria is committed to managing the office’s social media/community presence and prioritizing clients' needs.


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