Do you view the glass as half-empty or half-full? This age-old question can reveal a lot about your lookout on life and even your attitude about yourself. When you think positively, you can better manage your stress and improve your overall health. Practicing negative self-talk takes patience and requires persistence but it can be done, specifically with the help of a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) therapist.
If you are looking to stop negative thinking right in its tracks, it is completely possible with CBT therapy! CBT works to uncover your unhealthy patterns of thought while, at the same time, examining how these thoughts may be causing self-destructive beliefs and behaviors.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, Florida, North Carolina, and Utah.
If you are looking to examine yourself a little deeper, try asking yourself the following questions:
Are you often harsh towards yourself?
Do you reprimand yourself for relatively minor mistakes?
Do you lose sleep thinking about your failures?
Generally, are you your own worst critic?
With typical daily struggles, our negative inner voice can creep in and slowly consume most of our thought cycle. These thoughts can range in severity, inflicting hate and harm towards yourself. Ultimately, your negative thoughts can make you question who you are as a person, your strengths, and what you are capable of completing.
When you are experiencing internal negativity, it can limit your ability to live life how you want to. Instead of happily engaging in activities you enjoy, you might feel plagued by your thoughts and the emotional and mental damage that it brings along with it. If you are trying to silence your inner pessimist and build yourself up, continue reading this blog for some practical advice.
What is negative self-talk?
Negative self-talk looks different for everyone.
Some examples of phrases that involve negative self-talk can be…
“I’m not good at singing so I should never do it.”
“I never do anything right.”
“I received a F on my biology test, so I’m horrible at science.”
“I’m not good enough to get the promotion.”
You may find that your inner critic sounds a lot like a parent or even a friend from the past. Perhaps you grew up with a parent who always criticized you so, now, it is second-nature for you to criticize yourself. If you are interested in learning more about how these patterns form, check out our blog “How Do The Four Attachment Styles Impact Romantic Relationships?”.
Negative self-talk largely follows a similar path to other cognitive distortions, a term used to describe when your mind puts a “spin” on a situation. In other words, your mind is playing a trick on you. It is a cycle of catastrophizing a situation and then blaming.
For example, let us use the previous example of doing poorly on a biology exam. This thought is blown up into the bold statement of saying you are bad at science. Just because you fail one test does not mean that you are bad at the subject as a whole. You may even begin to place blame on other people, such as your biology teacher, for doing poorly.
Overall, negative self-talk is the dialogue you have with yourself that results in restricting your ability to believe in yourself and your abilities so you can reach your fullest potential. You can know that a statement is rooted in negativity if it diminishes your ability to make positive changes in your life and/or damages your confidence. Negative self-talk is not only stressful, but it can interfere with your ability to be successful as well.
If you are interested in learning more about self-confidence, read our blog “5 Ways To Build Self-Confidence.”
What are some examples of negative self-talk?
As mentioned previously, negative self-talk looks different for everyone, but there are some common patterns people have regarding it.
Here are the 3 factors of negative self-talk that many people share:
Personalizing - You blame yourself for everything bad that happens even if there is no evidence that it is your fault. You have a tendency to beat yourself up. For instance, a friend of yours may be in a bad mood, and you automatically blame yourself, thinking that you did something wrong. You may think “I have messed up again, and now my friend is in a bad mood and mad at me.”
Catastrophizing - You always think of the worst case scenario. You may have messed up an insignificant report at work and, now, you think that you will get fired. You start thinking about the repercussions of this, such as not being able to pay your rent and ending up living on the street. Negative self-talk can make you spiral.
Filtering - You only focus on the negative and filter out all of the positive in your life. For example, you had a great day at work and, on your break, you go to Starbucks but they get your coffee order wrong. At the end of the day, instead of thinking about everything that went right, all you can think about is the wrong order you received. You may begin to take this thought a step further and think “Nothing good ever happens to me.”
Why do we talk negatively to ourselves?
Negative self-talk can come from many places. Some causes of consistent negative self-talk include the following:
Low self-esteem (Read our blog “Do You Understand Your Self-Esteem?” for more information)
Bad habits
Spending too much time alone
Not asking for professional help
Not practicing self-care
Surrounding yourself with negative people
Negative self-talk could also be the result of other facts, such as self-sabotage. We often self-sabotage when our values and our behavior are not in alignment. Negative self-talk and low self-esteem can be fueled by your unconscious desire to self-sabotage. If you struggle with this, our blog “How To Stop Self-Sabotaging For Good” is a must-read.
There may also be more complex explanations for your negative self-talk, such as imposter syndrome. For instance, let us say that you are a first-generation college student. You did well in high school and were accepted to your dream college because of your hard work and intelligence; however, when you arrive on campus, you immediately doubt yourself and your abilities. You think that the college admission officers must have made a mistake with your application; however, that is not the truth. You are completely able and deserve the spot at your university. If you are having a hard time with imposter syndrome, take the time to read our blog “7 Ways To Combat Imposter Syndrome.” If you have a teen who is struggling with this, check out our other blog “How to Handle Negative Self-Talk in Teens.”
What are the consequences of negative self-talk?
Negative self-talk can have disastrous effects, especially if it goes unchecked. Constant self-blame can lead to serious mental health problems.
When you focus on negative thoughts, you can experience decreased motivation and larger feelings of helplessness. This can lead to depression. If you are struggling with depression, read our blog “4 Ways To Naturally Treat Depression.”
If you engage in negative self-talk regularly, you may also suffer from heightened stress levels. This is due to the fact that your reality is being altered to create an experience where you do not have the ability to achieve the goals you have set for yourself. If you need help managing your stress levels, check out our blog “Everything You Need To Know About Stress Management Therapy.”
When you are in the habit of putting yourself down, it is hard to see all of the opportunities life has to offer. Therefore, your stress is increased from the perception of this and the changes in your behavior that result from it.
Additional consequences of negative self-talk encompass:
Feelings of depression
Relationship challenges
Limited thinking
Perfectionism
An obvious downfall of negative self-talk is that it is not positive. Positive self-talk alone is a great predictor of success.
How to overcome negative self-talk
When you become aware of your negative self-talk, that is the first step in stopping your negative thoughts. Paying attention to your patterns gives you the power to change them. Here are some ways you can overcome negative self-talk…
Become aware of your negative self-talk
Not only is it important to become aware of your negative thoughts, but it is also important to see how your thoughts impact your moods and behavior. There are two effective ways to do this. First, you may find it helpful to journal. You can free-form journal or you may want to pick up a thought journal. This can help you put pen to paper and get your thoughts down which increases your awareness of negative thinking. This helps you become more in tune with yourself.
If journaling does not appeal to you, you can simply carve out time in your day to reflect. This gives you the chance to silence your inner voice and reflect on your thoughts.
You can also incorporate meditation into your timeout to reflect. Meditation gives you the opportunity to focus your attention and erase the stream of unfocused thoughts that are clouding your mind. When you meditate, you can enhance your overall emotional well-being. If you are interested in learning more, read our blog “How Meditation Can Lead to Stress Reduction.”
You can ask yourself the following questions:
What is the thought?
What is driving the thought?
How am I feeling?
You can also incorporate meditation into your timeout to reflect. Meditation gives you the opportunity to focus your attention and erase the stream of unfocused thoughts that are clouding your mind. When you meditate, you can enhance your overall emotional well-being. If you are interested in learning more, read our blog “How Meditation Can Lead to Stress Reduction.”
Challenge negative self-talk and practice positive self-talk
When you begin to recognize your negative self-talk, you can start to use new patterns of thinking. Often, your negative thoughts are connected to irrational beliefs. You can catch yourself and challenge these thoughts. Try using positive affirmations as a way to start your self-love journey.
Instead of saying “I am never going to get this right”, try saying “I am doing my best and that is enough.”
You may be gaslighting yourself without even knowing it. Check out our blog “How You Are Gaslighting Yourself” for some support.
Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness not only fights off negative thinking, but it also can give you a sense of relief. This allows you to pause and refocus your energy. Whenever your mind wanders, you recognize that you have the power to bring it back to the present moment. There are many ways to practice mindfulness, from meditation to breathing exercises and grounding techniques. You can break free from your negative thoughts.
Read “The Top Reasons Why You Should Practice Mindfulness” for more information.
Talk to a CBT therapist for negative self-talk
CBT has been shown to be effective in reducing negative self-talk. When your negative self-talk is fueling mental health problems, it is important to seek the help of a licensed professional.
CBT counseling helps you identify negative thoughts and relates them to your actions and general self-esteem. It teaches you how to challenge your negative beliefs so you can replace them with more positive, realistic ones. If you are interested in learning more about CBT, read our blog “What is CBT?”.
CBT allows you to familiarize yourself with your critical internal voice. You can start by asking yourself where your inner critic is coming from and what it acts up in certain situations. Next, you can ask yourself whether or not your thoughts are accurate. Your thoughts are just that- they are thoughts, not facts. Lastly, replace your negative thoughts with self-compassion. By working with a therapist, you can discover what techniques work for you.
If you are struggling with negative self-talk, please know that you are not alone. It is common to have intrusive thoughts that pop up from time to time that make you question your abilities, but it should not be the norm in your life. If your negative thoughts have a bad impact on your life, such as stopping you from achieving your goals, it is time to seek the help of a CBT therapist who specializes in stress and anxiety.
At Anchor Therapy, we have a team of therapists who are here to help you feel like your best self again. When you are taught how to channel your negative energy into more positive internal dialogue, you focus on your strengths and give yourself room for beneficial growth.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager and Intake Coordinator at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark. In her roles, Victoria is committed to managing the office’s social media presence and prioritizing clients' needs.
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