While parenting is one of the most rewarding gifts in the world, it can be undoubtedly difficult at times, particularly if you are dealing with a child who may act out. Meltdowns happen, especially with toddlers, but, for some children, emotional outbursts and impulsive reactions may persist. Crying is a normal response to overwhelming feelings, such as stress, irritability, and fright, regardless of age; however, some children may cry more often, get excessively passionate, and reach a level of annoyance quicker than other kids.
Emotional control is the capacity to govern emotions to:
Reach goals
Finish duties or chores
Manage behavior
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, and life transitions. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and telehealth (video/phone) sessions to residents of New Jersey and New York.
The capability to practice emotional control is based on a child’s age and individual development to a large extent. Some people may also experience circumstances or environments more strongly than others simply because of their personality. Emotions can make kids’ lives more difficult if they do not know how to properly exercise emotional control. Luckily, child counseling can help aid you and your family through this process. Additionally, there are steps you can take to help your child foster emotional understanding and control and embrace helpful coping skills.
As parents, it is common to worry about your children, specifically about the emotional well-being of your kids. Generally, it is emotional problems that lead to acting out and getting into trouble at school or the home. You are not setting restrictions on the emotions or behaviors of your children. Instead, you are helping them work through these complex feelings that may be mind-boggling considering their age and development.
Continue to read along to find out the actions that you can implement to help your child successfully express and manage their emotions!
Cultivate and maintain a sincere, nurturing relationship with your child
While every parent has a unique relationship with their children, there is always room for healthy improvement. If you are dealing with a child who has trouble controlling their emotions, it is crucial to make sure that you understand where their outbursts are coming from.
While children may act out for several reasons, it may include:
Being tired
Being hungry
Being overstimulated
Feeling powerless
Feeling disconnected
When you notice that your child is about to act out, it is important to reconnect to them. Children will notice this shift in their emotions which causes them to want to act in a good manner. Just as babies often need their parents to stop crying, toddlers, preschoolers, grade-schoolers, and teenagers need this type of attention as well. Even though your child is getting older, they still need to feel connected to you to properly control their emotions.
In our fast-paced, technology-driven world, it can be understandably difficult to connect with your child and create the kind of meaningful relationship you want. One way to try to obtain your goal relationship with your child can be by asking them purposeful, open-ended questions. For instance, many parents may plainly ask their children, “How was your day?”. While this is an obvious and common question, children may not respond day in and day out. Alternatively, you can ask your child something deeper and more tailored to their special interests. By doing so, you are showing your child that you are intentional in your thinking and have an authentic desire to understand them.
Also, it may be helpful to learn your child’s love language. While many people know about love languages as adults, they do not know that it can also be applied to kids! A love language defines how an individual comprehends and shows love. Every child has a love language and it may be different from the love languages of other family members. By knowing their love language, you will be able to properly communicate with your child in terms that they understand while showcasing effort on your part.
There are 5 primary love languages:
Physical Touch - This can include giving your child a lot of hugs and kisses, making up handshakes, snuggling before bedtime, or giving high fives.
Words of Affirmation - This can include speaking encouraging words to your child, saying “I love you” a few times a day, writing notes in their lunchbox, and affirming their attempts or successes.
Quality Time - This can include going on walks together, taking your child with you to run errands, playing games together, or listening to their stories and feelings.
Gifts - This can include gifting your child homemade presents, buying them a new toy they want, framing a special picture of them, or making them their favorite meal.
Acts of Service - This can include brushing their hair, carrying and tucking them into bed, completing a chore assigned to them, or sitting down to help them with their homework.
2. Accept your child’s feelings
In order for children to feel as if they are being heard and understood, their feelings must be validated. Therefore, it is important to be empathetic. When you respond with empathy, children learn that, although a negative emotion may not feel the best, they are completely okay. Kids will learn that their emotions are not threatening, so they can allow and process them once they arise. Unfortunately, if children are taught that their emotions are something to be afraid of, they may try to bury them deep which can cause significant emotional and mental issues in the future.
Once children know that someone understands what they are going through, they are more likely to express themselves and behave appropriately. Instead of yelling or having a meltdown, your child can learn how to simply have a conversation with you to remove the weight from their shoulders. By teaching your child that negative emotions are acceptable and that the bad times never last, they will learn to become adaptable to life’s challenges.
It can be easy as a parent to undermine your child’s feelings. In comparison to paying bills and other life responsibilities, worrying about being picked last in gym class can seem trivial; however, it is not meaningless to your child. This undermining may not be deliberate, it can occur unintentionally. By plainly telling your child “It’s not a big deal”, you are minimizing their feelings and teaching them that their feelings are not important. Even if you think that your child is over-reacting, you must teach them that their feelings are allowable. You must also inform your kid that their emotions are only temporary. In other words, their current feelings, good or bad, will not last forever.
As a parent, it is okay to be confused by your child’s ever-changing moods and tendencies. While you may not always know why your child feels the way they do, you can continue to acknowledge their emotions and show your support. Once children feel seen and welcomed, it is easier for them to pinpoint, comprehend, and deal with their emotions. It is important to understand that your child expressing excessive anger or crying regularly are not inherent signs of fragility. It is not bad for children to have a wide range of emotions. Each child has a distinct personality and awareness which will be essential to know on their mental and emotional journey.
3. Learn to teach positive behavior by example
If we want a young child to be well-behaved, we have to model that behavior. Children are constantly analyzing their surroundings and learning from the people that they are around the most. If you are going through a stressful time, it is easy to lash out and yell; however, some children may not respond well to this. When you yell, you are inadvertently teaching your child that it is okay to yell. On the flip side, you can teach your child the significance of being kind to people. For instance, if your child sees you holding the door open for someone, they may be more inclined to do the same in the future. This will be a work in progress and by no means is anyone perfect at this, but it is a good idea to strive to be a better role model! You may need to take a few minutes every day to re-group and center yourself so you can lead by example.
Secondly, while you are guiding your child’s behavior via examples, you should withstand the tendency to discipline them. By spanking your child or shaming them, you are not helping them work through their emotions. On the other hand, children are equating showcasing their emotions to a negative action that they will be punished for. This may cause your child to want to suppress their emotions which can lead to other problems, further overwhelming their mental well-being. Instead of disciplining, teach your child to handle emotions through optimistic guidance.
Emotional regulation will likely improve with age, particularly around 8 or 9-years old. Your child’s emotions may not be a serious problem but, if they are, it is highly recommended that you seek the help of a child therapist. You should seek the assistance of a child counselor if your child’s behavior becomes a continuous problem in your daily life. For instance, your child may be throwing a tantrum every time they have to go to school or crying so much that they cannot focus on a task. Professional intervention can help successfully address these troubling behaviors. If you would like to schedule an initial meeting with a child counselor, contact Anchor Therapy by filling out the contact form below!
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is currently an undergraduate student at the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark, looking to study Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. As a Social Media Manager at Anchor Therapy, Victoria is committed to producing content for and managing the office’s social media presence and blog.
