*Spoilers about seasons 1-3 and Season 4 episode 1 of HBO’s show Succession ahead!*
Succession, a comedy-drama television series, has been a HBO hit show since its release in 2018. The television series follows the Roy family who are the owners of Waystar Roy Company, a global media and entertainment empire. The family’s patriarch, Logan Roy, runs the show at Waystar Roy Company while his four children fight for control of the company due to Logan’s wavering health.
Logan has four children- three sons and one daughter. Logan’s oldest son Connor Roy is generally estranged from the family, and does not have much interest in the family company. Instead, Connor has readjusted his interest to politics, setting his sights on the United States presidency. Next is Logan’s power-hungry son, Kendall Roy. Kendall wants to take over the company but has not yet been able to gain his dad’s full vote of confidence. One part of Kendall’s rocky professional and personal relationships is his struggle with substance abuse. Logan’s third son, Roman Roy, is perhaps one of the most dynamic characters of the show, but his constant lack of focus and low maturity level prevent him from advancing in the company. Finally, Siobhan Roy, also known as “Shiv”, has natural leadership skills and closely resembles her father. At first, she rather put her focus into politics, working as a political consultant; however, she decides to jump ship to Waystar once she spots an opportunity.
One of the most interesting relationship dynamics of the series is the connection between Shiv Roy and her husband, Tom Wambsgans. For any fan of the hit-show Succession, the power differences between Shiv and Tom seem apparent. From Shiv’s tense looks and cutthroat nature to Tom’s vulnerability and looks of defeat after conversations with the Roy family, their relationship is dictated by power differences and incomplete exchanges.
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About Tom Wambsgans
Now that you know a little bit about Shiv, let us dive into the world of Tom Wambsgans. Tom comes from an average Midwestern family. While his mother is a respected attorney, her notoriety is nothing compared to the prestige of Shiv and the Roy family. While Tom does seem to value and yearn for the wealth and power that the Roy family brings, he also seems to have genuine affection for Shiv as a person. Tom works as an executive at Ways
Tom views him and Shiv as a power couple. He believes that they both help each other out so they can excel in their careers; however, more often than not, Tom receives the short end of the stick. He is often getting blamed or cast aside for Shiv’s advancements. Generally, while Tom would be upset about this, he would not tell Shiv overtly or let it get in the way of their relationship.
While Tom may sound like a victim in this story, he uses his power at work to yield power over other people, like Shiv does to him. For example, we see this in Tom’s treatment of Greg. Greg is Shiv’s cousin who is seen as naive and has started a position at Waystar. Tom often mocks and disparages Greg who is trying his best at the new job. From taking pleasure in the fact that Greg is less powerful than him and publicly putting Greg down to boost his ego, Tom is repeating the cycle of power and abuse that he experiences in his own romantic relationship.
How did Shiv and Tom end up together?
Unfortunately, we do not know much about how Shiv and Tom started their relationship. Shiv has hinted that their relationship formed during a time when she was struggling emotionally. In return, Shiv obtained a boyfriend who was stable, adoring, and, most of all, unthreatening.
While Shiv appears uber-confident to the outside world, she craves external validation. Shiv did not and continues to not receive much attention and love from her father and absent mother, so she seeks this love from outside sources, such as a supportive partner who thinks of her in the highest regards. It is clear that Shiv is struggling with low self-esteem and low self-confidence. Shiv knows that she is in control of this relationship, and would not want it any other way due to her control issues.
Relationship Dynamics
There are numerous relationship dynamics that can lead to unhealthy…
Conflict
Avoidance
Power imbalances
In a healthy relationship, both partners feel comfortable and safe to:
Express their emotions
Voice their wants and needs
Feel like their opinions are valued by the other
Truly know that their perspectives matter to one another
Have an equal say in making decisions
While this is an ideal relationship, it does not always occur, as we can see in Shiv and Tom’s relationship. In their relationship, you can witness the demand-withdrawal pattern.
What is the demand-withdraw relationship pattern?
The demand-withdrawal pattern in relationships is what it sounds like. One partner is the demander who looks for change and resolution, seeking discussion. This partner often tries to initiate conversation to better the relationship.
On the other hand, the other partner withdraws, wanting to end or avoid any discussion of the given issue. These attempts can be made by minimizing, ignoring, or completely dismissing their partner’s attempt for growth in the connection.
As the first partner is continuously met with judgment, rejection, and disappointment, they learn that there is no point in making an effort. In other words, they have to accept the relationship for what it is or leave it.
In Succession, Tom is the demander while Shiv withdraws. After being embarassed numerous times, Tom learns that the dynamics of their relationship will not change because Shiv will not change. He will not leave the relationship due to his true love for Shiv and the power he feels at Waystar, thus the toxic cycle continues.
How is Tom and Shiv’s relationship toxic?
If you want to find the poster children of a toxic relationship, there is no better place to look than Tom and Shiv’s relationship in Succession. Like her other family members, Shiv has a fragile ego that she protects by professional achievements. No matter how much she achieves, it seems like it is never enough to earn her father’s respect and love. She constantly values her life in terms of her career advancements and reputation.
While Tom is also focused on his career, he is also madly in love with Shiv. He wants to build a marriage on something more than simply seeking power. Each of them attempt to be heard on their own terms but, whenever Tom expresses his emotions, he is shut down. Shiv is preoccupied by her work and status, as if she does not have time to think of anyone else’s feelings, even if it is her own husband’s.
For example, there was a period in the show when Tom feared that he may go to prison due to a business scandal and his attempt to cover it up. When Tom expressed his concerns to Shiv, she would not talk to him about this possibility. Instead, she would quickly shut Tom down by saying that she already gave her opinion on the matter and has nothing left to say. Tom, as a people-pleaser, is afraid to push the conversation further since he may upset Shiv or make her angry.
If you are dealing with a toxic connection, read our blog “How To Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship.”
The role of silent agreements in relationships
Tom and Shiv’s marriage is a silent agreement with a foundation of convenience. To some degree, both partners understand that this marriage can benefit one another’s careers. For Tom, he gets a prestigious job at the high-power Waystar Roy company. For Shiv, she gets the never-ending flow of love and support from Tom which fuels her self-esteem, allowing her to achieve milestones professionally. Neither of the characters openly show affection for one another. When an intimate topic is brought up by Tom, Shiv is quick to shut it down.
For many young adults, convenience can be a big part of a relationship. For instance, let us say that you are a female who is about to turn 30 years old. While this may seem like just any other birthday to some, you may feel pressure, perhaps by your family or society as a whole, to take the next steps in your relationship, such as getting married and having children. You may not feel like your partner is the right person for you 100% but, due to convenience and a fear of time, you simply accept the relationship.
Another problematic trend in relationships are unspoken contracts. These silent agreements are implicit rules that just seem to pop up in your relationship.
Some common silent agreements in relationships include:
“I cook, but my wife never washes the dishes so I end up doing it too.”
“My partner never picks up after himself so I always have to do it.”
“My boyfriend never pays for the bill when we go out to eat so I pay every time.”
Depending on the couple, these instances may not seem like a big deal at all. However, if there has been no discussion of them, it can be unhealthy since it erodes communication in the relationship.
When neither person can address the problems that bother them, silent agreements can build up and lead to resentment and unhappiness. It can also lead to mismatched expectations which can make one or both partners feel misunderstood or hurt. It can be hard to hit pause and discover that you each have different expectations about the relationship, but it is also a good time to reset and get back on track so both of your needs are being fulfilled.
Is Shiv Roy a narcissist?
From the on-screen antics of Shiv Roy that we have seen, it is safe to say that she, as well as other members of her family, display narcissistic traits. A narcissist is someone who has an excessive level of interest or admiration in themselves.
For instance, Tom mentions to Shiv that he wants to have children. Shiv is able to spin this and make it seem like Tom is somehow placing a selfish burden on her. Like a narcissist, Shiv makes Tom out to be the bad guy while she is the victim. In reality, she is fulfilling the role of an emotionally unhealthy partner by cutting off open communication.
What are some signs of narcissistic personality disorder?
Everyone exhibits some narcissistic traits from time-to-time. Perhaps you just won an award at work and want to tell everyone under the sun or you got accepted to a prestigious college. Whatever the case, bragging about yourself or wanting to be the center of attention are okay when done occasionally.
Here are some signs of a narcissist:
Need to be admired at all times
Lack of empathy towards other
Entitled
High sense of self-importance
Preoccupation with beauty, power, money, and/or success
Envious of other people or believe that most people are envious of you
Arrogant
Only surround yourself with people who are important or special
Exploitative for your own personal growth
Read our blog “8 Tips For Dealing With A Narcissist” if you need help.
Key Moments in Shiv and Tom’s Relationship
There are several memorable moments in Shiv and Tom’s relationship that indicate their future.
In the earlier seasons, Logan exclaims to Shiv: “You’re marrying a man fathoms beneath you because you don’t want to risk being betrayed.” During season two, the audience viewed this simply as Logan’s view on the relationship; however, it turned out to be true. On some level, Shiv is scared to be with a man of her own status since they will yield more power over her. Shiv sees Tom as someone she can be in charge of since he has more to gain from their relationship. She didn’t believe that Tom would ever betray her because, from her point of view, Tom is beneath her. She continuously takes advantage of his loyalty and love for her.
Here are some major moments in Shiv and Tom’s connection…
Shiv and Tom’s wedding night
On their wedding night, Shiv surprises Tom by saying that she wants an open relationship. In other words, she wants them to have extramarital sexual relationships. This would be fine if it were communicated and agreed upon before the marriage but, of course, that is not the case.
In fact, Shiv had been acting as if their relationship was already open before discussing it with Tom. Shiv had an affair with her ex-boyfriend and co-worker, Nate Sofrelli. This is one indication of Shiv’s overall nature. Whenever she is questioned by Tom, she points to the silent agreements of their relationship.
In the moment of Shiv telling Tom that she wants an open relationship, Tom conceals his emotions due to shock. As in Tom’s typical fashion, he pretends to be okay with what is happening. In an effort to keep the marriage alive before it really takes off, Tom does not voice his hurt or anger. While Tom could have said no to this request of Shiv’s, he would not do that since it would equate to the end of the marriage as a whole. Tom felt blindsided into agreeing to this.
2. Vacation
After Shiv offers Tom as a scapegoat for a company scandal, Tom hits his limit and expresses his true feelings to Shiv. Tom often accepts bad treatment from Shiv because it means that he receives career advancement in return; however, the potential to ruin his reputation and career is one step too far for him to be comfortable with.
On a secluded beach with Shiv, Tom opens up, including his thoughts on their open marriage. Ideally, he should have told Shiv this sooner but, doing so, meant that his career would be in jeopardy.
During this scene, Tom states: “I wonder if the sad I’d be without you would be less sad than the sad I get from being with you.” This powerful line says a lot about their connection as a couple. This is a major turning point in the relationship, providing Tom with more of an equal footing.
3. Tom’s betrayal
Shiv has always been the partner to wear the pants in the relationship. She dictates that their relationship is an open one, tells Tom who he can pursue sexual relations with, uses Tom’s knowledge to advance her career without giving him anything in return, and so on. Shiv is in a privileged position financially and socially. The reason why she picked Tom in the first place is so she does not have to worry about being undercut or hurt by her partner.
For most of the show, we have seen Tom as the underdog in their relationship. But, in the finale of season three, the audience finally sees a switch. Tom goes behind the backs of Shiv and her siblings as they attempt to dethrone their father as leader of Waystar Roy Company. Tom goes to Logan to reveal the Roy children’s plan. This gives Logan time to remove his children’s leverage and secure his position in the company.
Shiv and her siblings go to confront Logan in person, and Shiv pieces together the betrayal in real-time with Tom present as well. This bomb left viewers wondering where Tom and Shiv will go from here.
Where Tom and Shiv Stand in Season Four
The fourth season of Succession aired on Sunday, March 26, 2023. Fans were left wondering if Tom and Shiv could piece their relationship back together after the tragic season three finale.
During the season four premiere, we see that Tom and Shiv are noticeably distant. Following Tom’s betrayal, the two decided to take a pause on their relationship.
Even though the two are split, Tom reaches out to Shiv to get permission before sleeping with someone else. Shiv becomes angry and states that this is not needed. While Shiv goes on a mini rant, she alludes to Tom, a Midwestern, doing well for himself by marrying her and working at Waystar Roy Company.
During a business meeting, we also hear Shiv tell a colleague that she is getting divorced. This comes as a shock to her brothers, specifically Roman, who did not know the relationship was over in its entirety.
The last few minutes of the first episode of season four reveal Tom and Shiv’s final fate. Shiv announces that she’s done with the relationship, and that it has run its course. Tom, initially hesitant, ends up agreeing.
Tom is still working at Waystar Roy Company and is still close to Logan and Connor. Now, Shiv is positioned against her father, trying to take over an opposing media conglomerate. It is safe to say that Tom and Shiv will still remain an important part of one another’s lives.
Overall, Shiv and Tom’s relationship is not a great one. There is broken communication, no openness, and a lack of empathy. Shiv’s insecurities and dismissive attitude have proven to be detrimental to her connection. However, Tom is also in the wrong as he chooses to stay with Shiv due to her family’s connections. As we continue to watch the final season of Succession, we expect more heated occurrences between Shiv and Tom.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager, Intake Coordinator, and Office Manager at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark. In her roles, Victoria is committed to managing the office’s social media presence and prioritizing clients' needs.
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