Premarital Counseling
About Premarital Couples Counseling:
Getting married is a major life transition. Whether you are the partner who popped the question or the partner who answered “yes” to that one big question, it is normal to envision a path forward. However, your vision of the future may not align exactly with your significant other’s goals which is where premarital counseling comes into play. A premarital therapist can help you and your partner plan for the future while simultaneously providing you with the tools needed to prepare for any challenges that may arise.
Many couples decide to attend pre marriage counseling before their wedding ceremony. A couples therapist will encourage both you and your partner to think about possible future scenarios and give you the space you need to work on your healthy problem-solving and coping skills before you tie the knot. Regardless of the health of your relationship, any couple can give premarital counseling a go! You do not have to wait until there are major issues in your relationship or until you are married to try out couples counseling.
What is premarital counseling?
Premarital counseling is a type of couples therapy aimed to help you and your partner prepare for marriage.
In premarital couples therapy, you and your fiancé will talk about several important issues, from how you plan to combine finances to what values you will instill in your future children. Discussing these concerns now will help prevent future conflict by making sure that you are both on the same page with what you want to do.
It even gives you both the opportunity to possibly identify concerns that might come up in the future so you can equip yourselves with the proper tools required. The primary goal of pre marriage counseling is to help you build a strong footing for your marriage to thrive.
You can think of premarital couples counseling like a blueprint for your and your partner’s future together. There is no such thing as a “perfect” relationship or marriage, therefore premarital counseling will prepare you for the typical bumps in the road that occur in long-term relationships.
Counseling before marriage can be both proactive and reactive. For example, it may prevent you from engaging in an unhealthy behavioral pattern that can cause relationship struggles. On the other hand, you and your spouse-to-be may be having a hard time on developing boundaries with family members, such as your future in-laws. Couples counseling before marriage is a good way to tackle that issue head-on before it develops into a bigger problem.
Typically, pre marriage counseling is used as a preventive form of mental health counseling where a couple learns strategies to prevent themselves from engaging in unhealthy behaviors that can create difficulties.
Some topics commonly discussed in pre marriage counseling include the following:
Values and beliefs:
Religious or spiritual practices, values, and beliefs have the ability to impact a relationship
Personal growth:
Even though you and your partner become a unit after marriage, you are still your own individual adults with unique opportunities for growth and development
Trust and commitment:
By talking about past occurrences, fears, and insecurities, you and your significant other can deepen the trust and commitment you have towards one another
Managing stress:
Whether you are experiencing stress from the relationship itself or external factors, like your career, having healthy coping mechanisms on hand is a must
Boundaries:
Healthy boundaries should be employed in various areas of life, from school and work, even in your relationship
Roles and responsibilities:
From household chores and childcare to career aspirations, it is important that each of you has a clear idea of what your duties are so day-to-day operations run smoothly
Children and parenting:
Going along with having a clear idea of roles and responsibilities, it is also important to discuss your attitudes and expectations of having children. What are your parenting styles? How will you navigate challenges with a child or teen?
Conflict resolution:
Conflicts and disagreements can be resolved in a healthy manner where each partner is heard and validated
Relationship expectations:
As a couple, you should explore each partner’s ideas around finances, roles, responsibilities, intimacy, and so on
Communication skills:
Effective communication is a must in a healthy relationship so you can voice your needs, desires, and worries
Family dynamics:
A significant other’s family background can play a big role in your relationship and even how you raise children in the future, from values to traditions
Financial management:
To make sure you and your partner are on the same page in regard to finances, you should create a plan together that details your budget, monthly payments, savings, and long-term financial goals
Goal-setting:
Setting both short-term and long-term goals is a great way to keep your relationship exciting while ensuring that both of your needs are being met
Decision-making and problem-solving skills:
Create strategies for making decisions as a collective unit and solving any potential issues that may arise
Intimacy and sexuality:
Talk about your expectations, desires,and any issues you may be experiencing in relation to sexual compatibility and physical intimacy
What makes a ‘good’ marriage?
What constitutes a ‘good’ marriage is largely subjective since we all have different mental pictures and expectations of what a healthy and fulfilling marriage is. With that being said, according to a study published by Family Relations Interdisciplinary Journal of Applied Family Science, a pre wedding counseling program experiences a 30% increase in positive relationship outcomes compared to couples who do not engage in this form of couples counseling. That is to say, couples premarital counseling is a great chance to lay everything out on the table and discuss what feels right for you in your relationship. From there, you can learn what coping mechanisms, communication skills, and goal-setting activities work best for you both.
To form a healthy romantic connection, ultimately leading to marriage, both partners must be willing to actively invest in the relationship.
While every relationship is different, here are some common facets of a healthy, fulfilling marriage:
Open and honest communication
Respect
Mutual support
Trust and transparency
Emotional and physical connection
Sturdy conflict resolution skills
Shared values and goals
Adaptability
Emotional support
Commitment
Laughter and fun
Dedication to the marriage
Maintaining independence
What types of therapy are used in pre marriage couples therapy?
Depending on your and your partner’s backgrounds, reason(s) for seeking pre marriage counseling, personalities, and values, there are various forms of pre wedding marriage counseling to fit your needs. Many types of couples counseling can be applied universally no matter what stage you are at in your relationship, even pre marriage therapy.
At Anchor Therapy, we offer pre marriage counseling with our highly-skilled premarital therapists who use an integrated approach in their therapeutic work. Our premarital counselors blend various types of therapy together to tailor sessions according to your needs and preferences. When our pre marriage counselors combine different therapeutic modalities, they ensure that their couple clients receive the personalized guidance and reassurance they need to maximize their relationship dynamics and goals.
Here are some types of therapy that a premarital counselor at Anchor Therapy may use:
Gottman Method:
The Gottman Method was created by Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Gottman, and there is decades of research supporting this therapeutic method. The research delves into what makes a marriage succeed or fail. The Gottman Method for couples will provide you with skills to enhance the quality of your communication, manage your conflicts, and deepen the emotional connection you have with your significant other. In this form of couples therapy, your Gottman-trained therapist will regulate a detailed assessment to use as a framework for your therapy sessions.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT):
In ACT therapy for couples, couples gain a deeper understanding of not only their partner, but themselves as well. ACT aims to promote mindfulness and values-based action. By engaging in ACT exercises and conversations, a couple will accept their thoughts and feelings while ensuring that their actions align with their beliefs and the goals they have for their romantic connection. Acceptance and commitment therapy for couples will strengthen the bond between you and your fiancé and will help you both steer clearly through any potential future quarrels.
Psychodynamic Couples Counseling:
Psychodynamic couples therapy explores unconscious thoughts that may be influencing you and/or your partner’s behavior. In other words, you will be taking a deep look at underlying issues that are creating negative or simply unwanted cycles in your relationship. From discussing childhood experiences and family dynamics, you can gain a better sense of understanding. To fully understand and accept your partner, addressing factors, like a fear of abandonment for example, is a major step in the right direction.
Regardless of what form of therapy will be used in your pre marriage counseling sessions, all of our couples counselors provide a safe space where you can explore your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors as you take the next step in your relationship and prepare for marriage. This safe space can be in-person at our downtown Hoboken, New Jersey office. Alternatively, we offer online premarital counseling to all residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
Should my partner and I attend premarital therapy?
Deciding whether or not to seek the help of a premarital counselor is a highly-personal decision. You and your partner are the only ones in your relationship and, thus, you know your dynamic the best. Attending pre marriage counseling comes down to many factors that are unique to your relationship and the connection between you and your partner.
Here are some things to consider to determine if pre marriage therapy is the right choice for you and your partner as a couple:
Relationship concerns:
If you have major relationship concerns (e.g., infidelity, trust issues, etc.), premarital counseling offers a conductive, supportive setting to address such concerns
Building a strong foundation:
You may already view your relationship as strong, but there is always room for improvement. Premarital counseling puts you and your partner on the same page so you can create a strong footing by creating healthy habits and getting ahead of any issues
Communication concerns:
If you find you and your fiancé having the same disagreement over and over again or not being able to open up about your emotions, it may be a sign that something is off communication-wise. With the right tools and strategies, you can improve your communication
Family history:
Perhaps you and your partner both come from divorced parents and are looking to break this cycle in your family. Premarital counseling gives you and your significant other the space to explore how these experiences shaped your identity and how they may even be impacting your relationship in its current state
If you are still up in the air and do not know if pre marriage therapy is right for you as a couple, try to have a real, deep conversation about the topic.
You and your partner can try to ask and answer the following questions to get a clearer picture on your next steps in relation to premarital therapy:
Are there any communication patterns or problems we are struggling with continuously?
What are our expectations for our marriage?
How do we handle disagreements or arguments?
In what ways do our family backgrounds influence our relationship?
Do we have compatible financial goals?
Are there any intimacy-related concerns that we want to discuss?
Do we support each other’s personal growth enough?
How committed are we to our relationship and eventual marriage?
What external stressors might come up in our marriage?
Do we feel prepared for marriage?
When you have these organic conversations with your loved one, it can provide great insight into your connection so you know if pre marriage counseling is the right fit for you both.
Pre marriage therapy is a neutral playground for you and your partner to be 100% open and honest with each other in preparation for your marriage. By attending this form of couples therapy, you will gain the tools to improve communication and resolve conflict.
How Can I Start premarital counseling at Anchor Therapy?
WORKING WITH anchor therapy IS EASY
Fill out the contact form below.
Our intake coordinator will get back to you with more information on how we can set you and your partner up with a premarital counselor on our team.
Take comfort in knowing that you are adequately preparing for your marriage!
