While therapy can be an incredibly transformational space, it can also be a place of discomfort. In fact, after a good therapy session, you may not feel the best. Reliving your trauma, challenging your Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) intrusive thoughts, and learning how to cope with Postpartum Depression (PPD) are not easy things after all. But, it will allow you to live a better quality of life in the long-term.
With all of that being said, there are steps your therapist can take to ensure your comfort in mental health counseling sessions. In order for therapy to be a successful process for you, vulnerability is key. Honestly sharing your experiences, thoughts, and behaviors with your therapist in a safe space is of the utmost importance.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, couples, and families with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
What You Need to Know About Starting Therapy in Hoboken, NJ
Effective mental health counseling does not magically happen, instead, it is created. Sometimes, an unsuccessful therapeutic relationship between you and your therapist can just boil down to mismatched personalities. For example, maybe you want virtual therapy to feel like a FaceTime call with a good friend where you get the unbiased advice and guidance that you need. If that is your goal, you may not like working with a straight-faced therapist who remains stiff and emotionless during your sessions. But, for other people, this may be the perfect fit.
It is natural to have barriers coming into therapy. After all, you are telling a stranger (although a trained mental health professional) all of your deepest and darkest secrets. While you have to work to let your guard down, 100% of the responsibility does not fall on you. It is also up to your therapist to help you feel comfortable enough in counseling sessions so you can bare all in an environment where you know you will not be judged. Your therapist should knock down your walls and give you the self-confidence in the process to receive the healing you deserve!
Even once you have picked a therapist who suits your needs and set up your first intake session, therapy does not become a straight-forward process. It can even feel intimidating. Should I show up 10 or 15 minutes early to my first session? Where do I sit once I am in the therapist’s office? What questions is my counselor going to ask me? Am I going to be able to connect with my counselor through online therapy?
As mentioned previously, therapy is not always enjoyable. One of the best analogies of going to therapy is going to the gym. While you may not want to go to the gym and you do not enjoy the workout, you always feel better after having gone and put the work in. Sometimes, there may even be cases where you enjoy the workout (AKA your therapy session).
To attend mental health counseling sessions, you do not have to know exactly what brings you to therapy. You may be someone who is attending therapy for a specific reason, such as learning how to manage your anxiety, create a work-life balance, and so on. On the other hand, you may want to start attending therapy just to see what will happen, perhaps you are on a journey of self-discovery or self-love. Everyone has different mental health goals and reasonings for wanting to attend therapy. Remember, there is no one right reason for seeking the help of a licensed therapist near you.
When you are working with a compassionate therapist who challenges you, there will be moments when you are not necessarily your counselor’s #1 fan. It is your therapist’s job to tell you the things you do not want to hear at times. They encourage you to think deeply about the parts of yourself that you are typically the most uncomfortable with. Not liking your therapist in one or a few moments does not automatically erase all of the great moments of growth you two shared together previously.
Therapy does not look like how it does in the movies or on television shows. Every session is not going to bring about a major breakthrough. Most sessions, especially in the beginning of your mental health counseling journey, will provide you with a strong foundation in introspection so you can learn more about yourself, your thought patterns, and behaviors.
Lastly, you can view therapy as an extension of your real life, or the “real world". Counseling sessions give you the chance to practice real life in a comfortable space. For instance, let us say that you are a teen who struggles with social anxiety and you are going away to college. This is an undeniably exciting time, but the unknown of forming connections with other students on campus scares you. In your counseling sessions, you and your social anxiety therapist can work together to discuss conversation ice-breakers and tools to manage your anxiety while enhancing your self-confidence. If you resonate with this struggle, read our blog “How Can CBT Help College Students Struggling with Anxiety?”.
For additional information on starting therapy, check out Anchor Therapy’s featured article with the Hoboken Girl: “Anchor Therapy: 6 Helpful Tips on How to Prepare for Your First Session.”
Defining the Therapeutic Relationship
The therapeutic relationship is also referred to as the therapist-client relationship. It is a professional alliance where trust and safety are exchanged. It is not simply you and your therapist just talking with one another. Alternatively, it involves active participation for both sides to promote growth.
During difficult life transitions and mental health concerns, your mental health counselor is to provide support and give you the space, whether through in-person therapy or virtual counseling, so you can speak your truth.
Here are some components of a healthy therapeutic relationship:
Empathy
Open expectations
Genuinesses
Feedback and communication
Unconditional positive regard
Active listening
Respect
Goal consensus
Rapport
Building a healthy and happy therapist-client relationship involves several steps. First and foremost, trust and rapport are an essential part of constructing a meaningful and productive relationship. A relationship built on trust is what rapport entails. One common way that this is done is through a therapist showing genuine interest in your stories and expressions.
A therapist should be reliable in all aspects. For instance, your therapist should show empathy and care when discussing childhood trauma, such as bullying as a child, but challenge you when you repeat the same unhealthy patterns time and time again.
You should feel a sense of empathy and understanding from your counselor consistently. Your therapist is not merely listening to you complain about your boss, they are understanding your emotions connected to the unhealthy work-life dynamic you have in a toxic corporate setting, like finance for instance. For support, check out our blogs “3 Ways to Achieve Work-Life Balance” and “How to Manage Stress while Working in the Financial Industry.”
Communication is an important part of counseling which should be nurtured on both ends of the therapeutic relationship. For a therapist, they may examine your tone and talking speed to name a few aspects of therapy. Your counselor will pick up on both verbal and nonverbal communication cues, like facial expressions and body language. Nonverbal forms of communication can showcase a lot, furthering the advancement of your counseling goals.
While clear boundaries are established in therapy and your autonomy as a client is respected, counseling also encourages collaboration. If a counselor is giving you a certain intervention for your panic attacks, like doing a progressive muscle relaxation activity, they should ask your input. Do you like this form of mindfulness? Or do you prefer a guided meditation instead? By having a say in your panic attack treatment, it can add to the success you experience in counseling. For support, read “How to Manage A Panic Attack.”
Comfort is Key in Mental Health Counseling
The truth is our settings can deeply influence the way we feel. Think about stepping into a sterile doctor’s office with generic, uncomfortable furniture and harsh overhead lighting. Is this a type of environment that makes you want to open up about what is keeping you up at night? Likely not.
Instead, a warm, cozy office may make you feel comfortable enough to really open up to a licensed mental health professional. Therapy is no exception to this rule of our surroundings, even in a virtual psychotherapy setting.
Where you sit in relation to your therapist, the chairs or couch in the room, and even the waiting room are all a part of the physical therapy experience.
In your search of finding the perfect therapist, you may find that different therapists have different office setups. For example, a therapist who employs psychoanalysis will have a therapeutic couch. For a psychoanalytic counselor, the couch is key to having the client free their subconscious mind through free association, a technique where a client verbalizes their thoughts with no censorship.
A counselor who is trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) may sit in an office chair that has wheels so they can move closer or further away from their clients to help the client experience and express their feelings fully.
For the majority of therapists, chairs are positioned opposite of one another comfortably. You have enough personal space but you are not so far away from your counselor that you need to scream and shout. You are face-to-face with your therapist in an informal setting where you feel comfortable enough to discuss your challenges, mental health concerns, symptoms, and feelings.
If your therapist has a much larger chair than you, it may create feelings of inferiority within you. It can be easy to think that your counselor is of greater importance than you due to their stature in the chair. On a psychological level, you may begin to view them as having a higher status than you even though this is not a conscious decision or process on your behalf as the client.
Therapy should not feel like a hierarchical relationship where your therapist is above you. Your counselor may know more about mental health techniques and skills at the moment, but the goal of therapy is for you to learn these things as well so you can enhance your emotional health!
Along with the furniture in a therapist’s office, how a therapist sits can play a big role in the construction of your comfort as well.
If your counselor sits in a stiff position with their legs rigidly crossed, you may feel like they are psychoanalyzing you instead of trying to understand your struggles.
On the other hand, if you have a counselor who looks comfortable in sessions, it may encourage you to become more comfortable (and emotionally open) as well. For instance, a therapist who gets cozy in his or her own seat with a blanket and cup of tea in hand may make the therapy process feel way less formal to you. And, in counseling, informality is key so you feel safe.
A therapist can make their client feel comfortable by:
Having a calming office environment
Having nothing intense of distracting on their wall(s)
Having a comfortable place for their client to sit
Using thoughtful language
Speaking in a calm talking voice
And more
The following are some reasons as to why it is important to feel comfortable in your counseling sessions:
Trust and rapport
Honesty and openness
Increased self-reflection
Improved mental health outcomes
Lessened anxiety
Enhanced engagement
Effective problem solving
A sense of empowerment
Therapy is a great space to explore your innermost thoughts and emotions. Just because your therapist has a calm office, it does not mean that you will automatically feel calm, but it will not trigger you. To express yourself, you need to feel safe and secure, and that occurs in a calm office.
Your therapist puts a lot of thought into their physical space to make you comfortable. From crafting a neutral physical location to ensuring that their background is appropriate for teletherapy, having therapy sessions in these kinds of structured environments will ensure that you achieve what you set out to achieve in each and every therapy session.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager and Intake Coordinator at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark. In her roles, Victoria is committed to managing the office’s social media presence and prioritizing clients' needs.
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