The season of high school and college acceptances is upon us. By this time of the year, most students have an idea of where they will be heading in the fall whether it is a great magnet high school or a dream college a plane ride away. In a few weeks, students will sigh a final breath of relief when they commit to a school but, in the meantime, these last few moments of indecision can be painful and anxiety-ridden. Additionally, some teens and young adults may be grappling with the sting of rejection, forcing them to rethink their entire futures.
The impact of your child’s stress during this entire process should not be overlooked. This process can also be grueling for you as a parent. You may be going through the ups and downs of the high school and college admissions process with your child as the acceptances, rejections, and waitlists roll in. When your teen is accepted, feelings of joy and excitement may overcome them. On the other hand, if your child is rejected, or even waitlisted, they may be completely and utterly devastated, especially if they are denied from their dream high school or college. This experience undeniably plays a role in your teen’s mental health.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, Florida, North Carolina, and Utah.
all about the high school and college admissions process…
We all know that the process of admissions for high school and college is stressful for the parents and children alike. The landscape of admissions has changed and, with each year that passes, the cycle becomes more and more competitive. Many pre-teens and teens have taken every advanced course possible, filled in their extra time with extracurricular activities, and paid considerable amounts of money for test prep tutors. If your child discovers that they have not been accepted to their dream school, it can be depressing. If your teen is struggling with depression, check out our blog: “3 Ways to Support Someone With Depression.”
After all is said and done, it is important to remember the true meaning of the high school and college admissions process. It is about growing up, exploring different academic and professional avenues and, ultimately, nurturing your teen’s dreams. When you get to the core of the process, you remember that this process does not have to cause undue anxiety.
It is important to remind your teen (and perhaps yourself) that you will not completely understand the application process 100 percent. Even with a perfect GPA and/or SAT scores, countless hours of community service, and a stellar admissions essay, your child may still be denied at their dream school. The inability to figure out why your teen was accepted or rejected from a school can feel maddening, but realizing that you do not know everything is powerful. When you understand this, you are able to prepare yourself and your teen for the future and make the whole admissions process flow more smoothly.
The Mental Health Impact of Admissions
Depression, stress, anxiety, and anger are just a few of the feelings pre-teens and teens experience when applying to high school and college. It is a complicated process. On one hand, the process is one filled with the brightest hopes and dreams and, on the other hand, it involves heavy pressures and circumstances out of one’s control.
Research has time and time again proven that many children are enduring mental health issues before starting the high school and college application processes. This can make your teen more vulnerable to rejection. There is also additional pressure since your child is still in school while going through the admissions process. They still have to manage good grades, essays, and extracurricular activities.
How can parents support their pre-teens and teens going through the admissions process?
In these types of life transitions, the support of a parent(s) can mean the world. It is important to validate how your child is feeling without adding more to their plate. For example, if you know that your teen has a paper due tomorrow and they are also trying to wrap up some SAT studying, you may want to have a chat with them. You can let them know that they have a support system in you, and you may be willing to make adjustments to your household (e.g., having them do less chores) to make sure that they can keep up with the workload.
Additionally, parents may, inadvertently, apply more pressure to their child even if they do not intend to do so. Let us say that your teen applied to their dream Ivy League college; however, their GPA may not be up to par. Instead of putting pressure on your child to get in, you can let them know that it will be great if they get in, but there are also other really amazing schools out there that they will love. Your child should be making realistic expectations when it comes to picking schools. You should aim to not catastrophize the situation since that will help avoid your child feeling like a failure if they do not receive admission to their top choice school.
Another thing that parents can do is to help take their child’s mind off of the admissions process. There is a long waiting period between submitting your high school and college application and receiving a decision. In the meantime, you can break up this long waiting period into smaller ones by making sure your teen has something to look forward to. For instance, you may want to plan a day at the beach with your child or perhaps you can go for a fun hike together.
When it comes down to, the most important thing is having the right outlook on the whole process. Whether or not your child receives admission to their top school, staying positive about all of the future opportunities now will make matters that much better later. Remember that there is no perfect college out there- it is your child that will make the school perfect for them.
If your pre-teen or teen is looking for some specific tips to help them in the high school or college admissions process, keep reading!
Try out the following 4 tips and tricks to effectively deal with admissions anxiety and stress:
Manage Your Admission Expectations
Having goals and dreams is a great thing, but it is important to be reasonable. High school and college admissions are competitive and, chances are, you may not get accepted to absolutely every school you are seeking entry for.
Rejection is a fact of life- every one deals with it in different aspects of their lives. Even if you are a very strong applicant, a lot of top schools have more exceptional students applying than they have spots for these new students. It is important to not erase the possibility of rejection from your world. While you should not expect the worst, keeping the possibility of rejection in your mind is helpful because you will feel prepared if that situation occurs.
When you are first starting off in the high school and college planning process, you should be honest with yourself. What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? How do you picture your career in 10 years? What type of education will help you fulfill that vision?
At the end of the day, rejection is just redirection. When you apply to an appropriate range of colleges, you are adequately preparing yourself for the next steps in your academic and professional career. You will always have an exciting plan B to fall back on if worst comes to worst and plan A does not pan out. When you assess yourself, you can see where you stand as an applicant and develop realistic expectations for the admissions process.
If you are dealing with rejection and questioning your self-worth, our blog “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Negative Self-Talk“ is a must-read.
2. Make Use of Family Support
One major source of support for students all over the world is their families. No matter what your family looks like, it is likely that they are your biggest cheerleaders. Their assistance, from helping with practical tasks to offering emotional and mental support, may help you deal with application anxiety.
In some aspects, you may also feel like your relationship with your family is being tested at this time. You may be trying to balance your growing independence while trying to hold onto your role in your immediate family. You may see yourself as an adult and, in your family’s eyes, they may still view you as their little child. In reality, you are somewhere in the middle. You are growing up, but you also benefit from your family’s care. It is important to not cut off your family in the process of growing up and finding yourself.
Dealing with family is not always easy, but it is likely that they have your best intentions at heart. Sometimes, family relationships are strained or complicated, and that is okay. If you think you could benefit from family therapy, check out our blog “How To Decide If Family Counseling Is The Right Fit For You.”
3. Work With An Anxiety Therapist
In addition to your family, a therapist for school anxiety would be the perfect fit to assist you throughout the high school and college application process. As a middle school or high school student, you have peers who are going through the same thing you are. Additionally, you can look at your extracurricular activities and members of other communities, and find connections who can support you.
Amongst all of those support systems, you can work with a therapist who specializes in anxiety. This way, you know you are receiving professional and unbiased support. Your teen anxiety counselor is trained to help you manage your emotional issues.
Your anxiety and stress therapist will help you learn how to view the admissions process in a positive light. Once you receive a healthy perspective on the process, you will feel equipped to deal with your emotions. Your stress management counselor will also teach you healthy coping skills.
Some examples of healthy coping mechanisms can include:
Build in a regular exercise routine
Eat well-balanced meals
Practice meditation or other stress reduction techniques
Sleep enough
Spend time with supportive people
Carve out time for your hobbies
4. Come Back To What You Love
Your to-do list may feel never-ending. With that being said, it is important to not lose sight of your interests and passions during this stressful time. You should still set aside time to participate in activities and hobbies you enjoy regardless of how busy your schedule gets. When you participate in artistic endeavors, you give yourself a creative outlet, and you can effectively manage your stress.
You can even reserve a specific day or time to your hobby so you do not compromise it in the midst of application craziness. For example, you may dedicate Sundays to be your “self-care day” where you do no school work and participate in activities you enjoy, such as going on a run, doing a face mask, and so on! When you schedule time in your calendar to relax, you ensure that you will not get burnt out. If you are dealing with burnout, check out our blog “3 Ways to Achieve Work-Life Balance.”
Overall, the high school and college admission process is a lengthy journey, most likely it is something you have been preparing years for. It may feel like so much stress and anxiety is leading up to one moment- an offer of admission or a letter of rejection. However, you should not view the process in such black-and-white terms.
The admissions process is a time to hone in on your goals, and recognize that this is a time of growth. If you are struggling to manage your stress and/or anxiety during this time period, try to lean on your family or support network, and make time for your hobbies. Most importantly, working with a school anxiety therapist can offer effective support by teaching healthy coping skills and positive mindset reframing techniques.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager, Intake Coordinator, and Office Manager at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark. In her roles, Victoria is committed to managing the office’s social media presence and prioritizing clients' needs.
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