If you are the golden child in your family, chances are that you feel like you are living in a spotlight- always praised, always expected to succeed, and often held up as the example for others to follow, especially siblings. Parents, teachers, and even extended family members may shower you with admiration, reinforcing a sense of confidence and achievement. To learn more about your sense of self-confidence, check out our blog “The Ultimate Guide to Building Self-Confidence.” Knowing that your accomplishments are met with pride and celebration can be very validating and keep you in a loop of wanting to seek constant approval from other people. At times, you may even feel like you can do no wrong in the eyes of others. You may find that your mistakes are overlooked or easily forgiven.
However, the role of the golden child is not always as perfect as it seems. The pressure to maintain high expectations can be overwhelming, leading to feelings of anxiety, imposter syndrome, or fear of failure. You might feel like your worth is tied solely to your achievements, making it difficult to express vulnerability or make mistakes without disappointing others. Additionally, relationships with siblings can be strained as they may resent the preferential treatment you receive. Being the golden child can be both a privilege and a burden, shaping your self-worth and family dynamics in ways that are not always obvious at first glance. If you resonate with being a golden child, keep reading this blog.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, couples, and families with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
What is ‘the golden child’?
The golden child is a term used to describe a favored child in a family, often in dysfunctional family dynamics. This child is typically idealized by parents, receiving excessive praise, privileges, and validation. They are often expected to embody the family's values and succeed in ways that reflect positively on the parents.
In many cases, the golden child is placed on a pedestal with their achievements highlighted. In turn, their mistakes are often minimized or ignored. However, this role can come with high expectations and pressure to maintain perfection. For more information, read our blog “Is Perfectionism A Coping Skill?”.
The role of the golden child can really apply to any child, but cultural expectations, family dynamics, and parental responsibilities can play a role.
Here are some common patterns seen in families when it comes to picking the golden child:
The firstborn or eldest child
The most talented or high-achieving child
The child who most aligns with the parents’ values
The youngest or “baby” of the family
The child used to “fix” a parent’s image
The child who serves the parent’s emotional needs
In toxic family environments, the golden child is often contrasted with a "scapegoat" sibling who may receive blame and criticism. To learn more about this family dynamic, our blog “Understanding the Psychology of Scapegoating in Families” is a must-read.
In fact, research shows that around 65% of families across various cultures report parental favoritism, often linked to golden child syndrome.
While the golden child may seem to benefit from favoritism, they can also struggle with identity issues, anxiety, and difficulty setting boundaries in adulthood. If you struggle with setting and enforcing boundaries, read our blog “The Truth Behind Why Boundaries Are Important For Maintaining Mental Health.”
How do you know if you are the golden child?
Being the golden child often means growing up with constant praise and favoritism from parents or caregivers. You may have been the one who received the most attention, privileges, and positive reinforcement while your siblings were either overlooked or held to different standards.
Your achievements were celebrated, and you were often put on a pedestal as the "ideal" child, someone who could do no wrong in your parents' eyes. Whether it was excelling in school, sports, or any other area that made the family look good, you likely felt a strong expectation to succeed and uphold a perfect image.
The following are some signs that you are (or were) the golden child in your family:
Your parents had high expectations for you
You were always praised or favored
Your mistakes were overlooked or excused
You were put on a pedestal
Your siblings resented you
You felt responsible for your parents’ happiness
You struggle with anxiety or perfectionism
One of the clearest signs of being the golden child is how your mistakes were handled. While your siblings may have faced criticism or punishment for their faults, yours were often overlooked or excused. You may have rarely been held accountable, with your parents justifying your behavior or shielding you from consequences. This preferential treatment might have created tension in your family, particularly with siblings who felt ignored or unfairly compared to you. If your parents frequently used you as an example of success while belittling your siblings, it may have caused resentment and strained relationships within the family.
The relationship between a golden child and their siblings consists of…
Resentment and rivalry
Emotional distance
Feelings of guilt or obligation
The potential for healing
Additionally, being the golden child can come with immense pressure. You might have felt responsible for making your parents proud as if their happiness depended on your achievements. This expectation could have led to feelings of anxiety, perfectionism, or even imposter syndrome where you constantly feared falling short of the high standards set for you.
Some signs of imposter syndrome include:
Persistent self-doubt
Fear of being exposed as a “fraud”
Overworking to prove yourself (Read our blog “3 Ways to Achieve Work-Life Balance”)
Difficulty accepting praise
Perfectionism and fear of failure
Comparing yourself to others (Check out our blog “How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Other People”)
Avoiding challenges or new opportunities
If you struggle with imposter syndrome, read our blog “7 Ways to Combat Imposter Syndrome.”
Over the course of your life, the pressure of being the golden child may have made it difficult for you to explore your own identity outside of your parents' expectations. While being the golden child may seem like a privileged role, it often comes with emotional burdens that can affect self-esteem, personal growth, and relationships well into adulthood. To learn more, check out our blog “Do You Understand Your Self-Esteem?”.
Does the golden child become a narcissist?
While being the golden child does not automatically make someone a narcissist, there are certain dynamics and behaviors that can emerge from growing up in this role that may contribute to narcissistic tendencies in some individuals. The relationship between being the golden child and developing narcissistic traits is complex and influenced by various factors, including parenting style, family dynamics, and individual temperament.
How may a golden child receive narcissistic traits?
The golden child often receives excessive praise and validation for their achievements, which can lead to a sense of entitlement. If a child is repeatedly told they are "special" or "better" than others, they may develop unrealistic expectations about their worth and how they should be treated. Over time, this can result in a belief that they are deserving of admiration and respect without necessarily “earning” it.
In some families, the golden child is treated as an extension of the parents' own identity or success. They are often held up as the "perfect" child, and their worth is tied to accomplishments rather than who they are as a person. This emphasis on external validation can lead to a superficial self-image based on success and appearance, traits often associated with narcissism. If the golden child grows up equating their value with achievements, they might be more likely to develop narcissistic traits like boasting or needing constant admiration.
Because golden children are often shielded from criticism or punishment, they may struggle with handling constructive feedback as they get older. This can create a fragile sense of self-worth, leading them to react defensively to any perceived slight or criticism. Narcissists often have an exaggerated need for praise and can react with anger or contempt when their image is threatened.
For more information, check out our blog “8 Tips for Dealing with a Narcissist.”
It is important to note that not all golden children develop narcissistic traits. Parenting style and family dynamics play a significant role in how the golden child develops. In families where a child is praised and loved but also taught to be humble, empathetic, and emotionally aware, the child may grow up with a healthy sense of self-esteem without becoming narcissistic. Furthermore, the golden child may have supportive mentors or role models outside the family who encourage emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and empathy, which can counterbalance any narcissistic tendencies.
How do you heal from being the golden child?
Healing from being the golden child often requires deep self-reflection, unlearning harmful patterns, and, in many cases, mental health therapy to help navigate the emotional burdens tied to this role. Many golden children grow up with their sense of self-worth tied to external validation, struggling with perfectionism, people-pleasing, and anxiety. If you resonate with being a people-pleaser, check out our blog “11 Reasons Why You Are A People-Pleaser.” Therapy can be a powerful tool in breaking free from unhealthy patterns and establishing a healthier, more authentic identity.
One of the first steps in therapy is recognizing and validating your emotions. Many golden children are conditioned to suppress their true feelings in order to maintain their “perfect” image. A therapist can help you explore emotions like guilt, resentment, or exhaustion that you may have ignored. Understanding that your struggles are valid, even if you were favored in the family, can be an important step toward healing. For additional guidance, read our blog “How to Regulate Your Emotions.”
Therapy also helps with setting boundaries—both with your family and within yourself. Many golden children feel obligated to meet their parents' expectations, even into adulthood. A therapist can guide you in identifying when your actions are driven by guilt or a need for approval rather than your own desires. Learning to say “no” without fear of disappointing others is a crucial part of establishing independence and self-worth. Check out our blog “How Childhood Trauma Can Impact You As An Adult.”
Another focus in therapy is challenging perfectionism and self-worth issues. Golden children often feel pressure to be successful at all costs, fearing that failure will make them less lovable. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and other therapeutic approaches can help reframe negative thoughts, teaching you that your value is not tied to achievements. Practicing self-compassion and embracing imperfection can help you develop a more balanced and fulfilling sense of self!
The following are additional steps to overcoming perfectionism and self-worth issues:
Challenge unhealthy beliefs about failure
Practice self-compassion
Set realistic goals and expectations
Build a healthy relationship with success
Practice vulnerability and authenticity (Read our blog “3 Steps to Becoming More Vulnerable”)
Cultivate mindfulness and presence (Check out our blog “5 Ways to Start Practicing Mindfulness”)
Celebrate small wins and progress
Seek support and accountability
Finally, therapy can support healing family relationships or making peace with distance if necessary. Some golden children realize that their family dynamic is unhealthy and may need to step back to protect their mental well-being. Other golden children work on improving communication and addressing past wounds with siblings or parents. A childhood trauma therapist at Anchor Therapy can provide guidance on whether reconciliation is possible and how to navigate these relationships in a way that prioritizes your emotional health.
The following are some benefits of psychotherapy for the golden child:
Reducing anxiety and imposter syndrome
Strengthening sibling relationships (Read our blog “How to Decide if Family Counseling is the Right Fit for You”)
Cultivating emotional resilience
Empowerment and personal growth
Exploring and rebuilding identity
Breaking free from perfectionism
Developing healthy boundaries
Overcome guilt and people-pleasing
Healing family dynamics
Building self-worth beyond achievement
Healing from being the golden child is a journey of self-discovery. Therapy provides a safe space to unpack childhood conditioning, release unhealthy expectations, and build a life based on your own dreams and values- not just those imposed on you. Through this process, you can cultivate genuine self-worth, healthy relationships, and the freedom to define yourself beyond the golden child role.
Being the golden child can feel like a double-edged sword. On one hand, the constant praise, attention, and validation can make you feel special and loved. On the other hand, it can come with immense pressure to maintain perfection, live up to high expectations, and constantly prove your worth. Over time, these dynamics can affect your self-esteem, your relationships, and your ability to find true happiness outside of your achievements. The key to healing is recognizing the impact of these experiences and healing through mental health counseling.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager, Intake Coordinator, and Community Engagement Director at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark and is currently studying Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. In her roles, Victoria is committed to managing the office’s social media/community presence and prioritizing clients' needs.
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