how do i stop people pleasing

Exploring Golden Child Syndrome

Exploring Golden Child Syndrome

A “golden child” the ‘special’ member of a given family unit. Oftentimes, the golden child is pushed to be nothing short of perfect. This typically happens because a parent wants their child to achieve in areas of life where they did not. As a golden child, you may resonate with being able to perform well under pressure, constantly seeking reassurance from your parents, and not being allowed to tell people your true emotions.

Your parents may view your successes as their own which perpetuates a cycle where they are constantly setting high expectations for you. This may cause you to feel excess stress, and you may even begin to feel confused about who you are. Constantly feeling pushes to keep going and achieving with no breaks or self-care can very easily lead to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem
If the cycle of being the golden child is not broken, the consequences can last a lifetime. You may feel like, no matter how hard you try, you are never good enough. You may have a hard time making decisions on your own without reassurance from other people. You may self-sabotage relationships in your life because you expect the other person to be perfect as well, pushing these unrealistic standards onto others.

How To Know If You're A People-Pleaser And The Psychology Behind It

How To Know If You're A People-Pleaser And The Psychology Behind It

People-pleasers are known to do whatever necessary to avoid conflict and confrontation. Being kind and helpful is a generally good thing; however, there are some cases where it can be taken too far. This can leave you feeling emotionally depleted, stress, and anxiety-ridden. At the expense of your mental health, you may place other people’s needs above yours.

Additionally, as a people-pleaser, your constant need for approval and acceptance can create a specific type of vulnerability. For example, your people-pleasing behaviors may cause you to self-sabotage for several reasons. You may feel a compulsion to act selflessly, but it can be self-destructive if it is taken to an extreme end of the spectrum.