In today’s world, dating apps have become commonplace. They have become the standard way to meet people and connect, offering access to thousands of potential romantic partners with a simple swipe or tap. There is no denying the convenience of these apps and how easy they make it to meet new people and expand your social circle, but have you ever wondered how online dating can impact your mental health? Do dating apps actually help people find meaningful connections? Do dating apps leave you feeling more isolated than before? More anxious? More dissatisfied?
In this blog, we will explore the complex impact of dating apps on one’s mental health, analyzing both the excitement they offer and the emotional toll they can take. Whether you are an avid user of dating apps or utilize them reluctantly, it is important to understand how online dating can impact your self-esteem, relationships, self-confidence, and overall happiness.
Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with mental health therapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, couples, and families with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, life transitions, and more. Anchor Therapy is accepting new clients and is now providing in-person sessions and teletherapy sessions to residents of New Jersey, New York, and Florida.
Why do dating apps cause anxiety?
Originally, dating apps were created to make finding your ideal partner a relatively easy, straightforward process. In other words, dating apps were created to simplify things. However, as dating apps have progressed, they have become immense sources of anxiety for people.
One reason for this anxiety is the sheer number of choices that people are presented with on dating apps. Endless swiping and having access to loads of potential romantic options sounds enticing, but it could also lead to a phenomenon known as “choice overload.”
“Choice overload” in the online dating world can leave you feeling:
Indecisive
Less satisfied with the people you do match with
Overall anxious about if you made the right choice of a match or not
Instead of feeling happy about the people you have matched with, the abundance of options keeps you in a loop where you compare your matches, second-guess yourself, and wonder if there is someone better or more compatible out there for you.
For support with this issue, check out our blog “How Mental Health Counseling Can Help Your Decision Fatigue.”
Additionally, many people use dating apps as a form of validation which can trigger anxiety. Many people on dating apps may keep score of their metrics- how many matches they can score, how many likes they can receive, and how many people have messaged them. They can use these metrics as a measure of their likeability or attractiveness.
When validation from other people about your dating profile becomes tied to your self-worth, you can be in dangerous territory. A lack of matches or a slow response time can feel like a personal rejection, leading to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Even if you get a new match, it can feel like a double-edged sword. You may be excited about this potential connection, but you also see it as an opportunity to get rejected.
Here are some signs that dating apps may be fueling a need for validation in you:
Comparison to other people (Read our blog “How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Other People”)
Seeking reassurance
Anxiety from slow responses (Take our Anxiety Quiz by viewing our blog “Do I Have Anxiety? Take The Quiz and Learn 5 Instant Calming Tips”)
Frequent app checking (View our blog “Do I Have A Social Media Addiction?”)
Mood swings based on app activity
Profile tweaking for approval
Emotional dependency
Disappointment in real-life interactions
Check out our blog “Do You Understand Your Self-Esteem?”.
Lastly, the constant connection and availability that comes along with the nature of dating apps can disrupt mental peace and clarity. From app notifications to new messages, you may feel a compulsive need to constantly check your dating apps. Sometimes, this can come at the cost of real-world activities and personal downtime. For support, read our blog “The 8 Forms of Self-Care and How You Can Practice Them.”
Feeling like there is no rest from dating apps may put pressure on you to respond to someone immediately and worry about potential matches. When this persists for an extended period of time, you may begin to feel digital burnout. This can cause you to view dating apps as sources of stress and anxiety, not a means for potential romantic connection.
In fact, research shows that dating app users face three times the stress in comparison to non-users. Stress levels can increase the longer a user stays on the app, and can depend on a user’s app frequency (e.g., daily use).
Check out our blog “How to Cope with Dating Anxiety” for more information.
Is it normal to feel depressed after using dating apps?
Many users of dating apps report the following heightened emotions after prolonged use:
Anxiety
Sadness
Frustration
Unfortunately, it is common for users to feel depressed after using dating apps. Of course, there are benefits to dating apps as well.
Despite the drawbacks, dating apps have revolutionized modern dating and offer some key advantages, such as:
Wider access to potential matches
Improved communication tactics
Convenience and time efficiency
Focused matchmaking options
Options for serious or casual dating
Inclusivity and niche communities
Encouraging real-life connections
Due to the nature of how dating apps work, an emotional strain can also be created. Dating apps are designed around a system of “likes” and “matches” which can cause your self-worth to become entangled with approval from other people. Validation comes in the form of matches or messages which can cause the rejection to feel personal even if it is really a matter of individual preferences or the app’s algorithmic filtering. A cycle of seeking and missing validation can lead to you feeling disappointed and sad.
Dating apps can be all about the visuals, creating an emphasis on superficial aspects, like photos, videos, and quick swipes. This can lead to a sense of dehumanization where people are reduced down to their looks or a few lines in their biography. Feeling like you cannot “measure up” physically can erode your sense of self-confidence and may leave you feeling unattractive. For support, check out our blog “The Ultimate Guide to Building Self-Confidence.”
If you already struggle with self-esteem issues, perceived rejections can worsen pre-existing insecurities and lead to feelings of depression. Take our Depression Quiz if you are struggling.
Post-app sadness can also breed “swipe fatigue.” Swiping through endless profiles without finding meaningful connection can be discouraging and even exhausting. Online dating can almost become a cycle of browsing, liking, matching, chatting, and then having conversations that die out without real resolution. It can feel like the process is leading you nowhere at times. Investing time and energy into people with no takeaway can be mentally draining, creating feelings of hopelessness when it comes to finding a genuine connection. If you resonate with this, our blog “Swipe Smart: Navigating Online Dating and Mental Health” is a must-read.
While dating apps are marketed as tools for crafting connection, they can actually heighten feelings of loneliness. The fleeting nature of online connections can leave you feeling more isolated than before you joined the app. From scrolling countless profiles without forming meaningful connections to potential connections not turning into real-life meetings or relationships, you may feel more disconnected and alone.
If you feel depressed after dating apps, please know that this is a shared experience for many people. Dating apps use a human desire for connection to fuel users, but the design and function of the apps themselves can feel transactional and dehumanizing at times. Remember that it is okay to take time to disconnect and set boundaries for app usage so you can safeguard your mental health while navigating the dating world.
Burnout from Dating Apps
Many people experience burnout from dating apps. This burnout comes as a result of emotional and mental exhaustion. Dating apps can be exciting at first- after all, there is a sense of possibility that comes along with each and every match!
However, when you become stuck in a cycle of swiping, matching, talking, and being disappointed when a connection does not go anywhere, you can understandably feel exhausted. You are emotionally investing in a person with no satisfying return or meaningful commitment.
The repetitive nature of interactions on online dating apps can contribute to burnout. Do you often match with people and have a conversation with them on the app only for it to fizzle out and not even make it to a real-life connection? If so, people refer to this as the “relationship treadmill.”
With any conversation, you must invest a certain level of time and energy into it. Repeatedly doing this without it materializing into something substantial can lead to feelings of frustration and disappointment. This can make dating feel like a chore instead of an enjoyable pursuit. You may feel exhausted instead of excited about potential opportunities.
The emotional highs and lows of dating can also contribute to burnout from dating apps. When you receive matches or messages, it can feel like an ego boost. But if those conversations hit a wall or fail to translate into real-life dates, it can feel like a letdown or even flat out rejection. For support, check out our blog “Why Am I Terrified of Rejection?.”
Frequent shifts between validation and disappointment can leave you feeling like your emotions are all over the place. Faltering between hope and disappointment can wear down on your sense of emotional resilience, making it hard to stay optimistic about the dating world and future romantic relationships. Our blog “How to Regulate Your Emotions” may be a helpful read.
Here are some common signs that you may be experiencing dating app burnout:
Feeling cynical or hopeless about dating
Avoiding or ignoring matches and/or messages
Resentment toward the app or process
Loss of interest in conversations
Feeling overwhelmed by swiping or messaging
Negative impact on self-esteem
Using the app for distraction more than for dating
Constantly comparing potential matches
Reduced emotional investment
Burnout “on and off” cycles
Decreased motivation to meet in-person
Here are some helpful questions to ask yourself if you are wondering whether you might be dealing with dating app burnout:
Am I swiping or messaging with intention, or out of habit?
How do I feel when I open the app?
Am I genuinely interested in getting to know my matches?
How am I handling new matches or messages?
Do I compare potential matches to each other?
Do I feel pessimistic about finding a meaningful connection?
Am I using dating apps for validation instead of connection?
Is the app impacting my self-esteem or self-image?
Do I feel exhausted at the idea of meeting matches in real life?
Am I finding meaningful connections, or just empty interactions?
How can I use dating apps without hurting my mental health?
Using dating apps offer opportunities for connection, but they can also lead to emotional stress and other mental health challenges, such as anxiety, depression, and/or burnout. Working with a dating therapist at Anchor Therapy is one way to navigate the complexities of online dating while maintaining your well-being. A dating counselor specializes in relationship concerns and can help you develop coping skills to use dating apps in a healthy way, offering personalized guidance for your unique dating journey.
Working with a relationship therapist gives you a chance to explore your motivations and expectations when it comes to dating. What are you seeking in a relationship (e.g., casual dating, companionship, a life partner, etc.)? Clarifying your dating intentions can leave you feeling overwhelmed or lost in the landscape of online dating. A focused mindset can reduce your anxiety and increase your overall satisfaction with the dating process.
Relationship counseling gives you the chance to enhance your resilience against the emotional highs and lows of online dating. The nature of dating apps can cause feelings of self-doubt, disappointment, or rejection, especially if a match does not lead to anything meaningful. A dating therapist can provide you with healthy coping skills so you can properly manage these emotions and develop a healthier self-image in the process, reminding you that your worth is not defined by your success on a dating app.
Victoria Scala
is the Social Media Manager, Intake Coordinator, and Community Engagement Director at Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, New Jersey. She is a graduate of the Honors College of Rutgers University-Newark and is currently studying Clinical Mental Health Counseling at the graduate level. In her roles, Victoria is committed to managing the office’s social media/community presence and prioritizing clients' needs.
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