Scapegoating in Families, family counseling, Hoboken NJ therapist, Jersey City NJ therapist, hudson county therapist
Courtney Glashow
Understanding the Psychology of Scapegoating in ...

Scapegoating means that you are blaming a person or group for something bad that has happened or for something that someone else has done. Scapegoating typically occurs to protect the image of a person or family. In a family dynamic, a person may be used as the scapegoat to protect a more favored member in the family. While it is common for one person to be used as the scapegoat, it can happen to multiple people.

Scapegoating can occur in different environments, such as work, but it is most prominent in unhealthy family dynamics. In this case, scapegoating then tends to start in childhood when a child is blamed for all of a family’s dysfunction and problems. A scapegoat bears the burden of taking on the mistakes of a family or team. 

When children are assigned this role at a young age, it can wreak havoc on their mental health. A scapegoated child may not believe that they are inherently good, worthy, or lovable. Instead, they hear insults regularly, experience constant bullying, and even abuse and neglect. This leads to a low self-esteem, decreased self-confidence, and negative self-talk. 

Understanding the Psychology of Scapegoating in Families
toxic relationship, relationship counseling, couples therapy, hoboken therapist, jersey city therapist, marriage counseling, nj therapist, nyc therapist, premarital counseling
Courtney Glashow
How To Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship

When you are in a healthy relationship, it naturally functions well. Of course, like any couple, you may have disagreements from time-to-time or there may be some hard times, but you band together no matter what. You are able to make major life decisions together, discuss problems once they occur, and genuinely enjoy spending time with one another.

On the other hand, you have toxic relationships. In a toxic relationship, the ‘norm’ is feeling drained and unhappy after spending time with your partner. This should be a major red flag that some things need to change.

You may still love your partner, but the relationship does not seem enjoyable. Maybe minor issues turn into full-blown arguments or you always seem to provoke one another. It may even get so severe that you dread spending time with your partner instead of getting excited to see them, like you were in the past.

Continue reading this blog to see if your relationship is toxic, and some guidance on how to navigate a toxic relationship.

How To Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship
Intergenerational Trauma, trauma counseling, jersey city therapist, hoboken counseling
Courtney Glashow
Disney’s Encanto: How It Got Intergenerational ...

Disney has a way of exploring heavier life topics that can help children and the 2021 film Encanto is no exception. Movies like Inside Out and Soul also assist children in exploring heavier aspects of life, such as emotions, trauma, consciousness, and even death. Encanto joins the long list of children’s movies that have a deeper message.

Disney’s Encanto offers a multigenerational story about a grandmother and her family who have been endowed with magical gifts. The Madrigal family lives in a hidden village in Colombia. While each family member does their best to live up to their reputation and help others in the community, the facade slowly begins to crumble figuratively and literally in the house that all three generations share.
Not only do people love this movie because of its catchy soundtrack, including the famous song “We don’t talk about Bruno”, but people also love it because of its exploration of generational trauma.

Disney’s Encanto: How It Got Intergenerational Trauma Right
control issues, mental health blog, jersey city therapist, hoboken counseling
Courtney Glashow
7 Ways to Let Go of Control Issues

Do you have a hard time going with the flow? Do you have to follow a schedule or routine at all times? Do you try to control other people in your life? If you are dealing with control issues, it is likely that you feel like you must exert power over your life, relationships, and general environment. In some cases, this exertion of power may extend to the life of other people.

Control can simply be defined as exerting influence or power over the environment, actions, and behaviors of yourself or another person. There are many reasons why you may feel like you need to be in control, such as insecurities or fear of the unpredictable. At times, your need for control may become overwhelming and tiring, causing chaos in your career, relationships, and your overall quality of life.

7 Ways to Let Go of Control Issues
couples therapy, hoboken counseling, jersey city therapist, mental health blog, nyc counselor, relationship counseling
Courtney Glashow
8 Tips for Dealing With A Narcissist

While some people may be quick to throw the word “narcissist” around, it is important to remember that there is a distinction between someone being self-centered and unsympathetic, and someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Many people may have what doctors call narcissistic characteristics, such as feeling entitled or having a strong sense of self-importance. People who have narcissistic personality disorder may be challenging to deal with.

The first step to determine your dynamic with someone who you think is a narcissist is to know the difference between someone with narcissistic tendencies and someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

8 Tips for Dealing With A Narcissist
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3 Ways to Help Your Child Express and Manage their Emotions

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3 Ways to Help Your Child Express and Manage their Emotions

While parenting is one of the most rewarding gifts in the world, it can be undoubtedly difficult at times, particularly if you are dealing with a child who may act out. Meltdowns happen, especially with toddlers, but, for some children, emotional outbursts and impulsive reactions may persist. Crying is a normal response to overwhelming feelings, such as stress, irritability, and fright, regardless of age; however, some children may cry more often, get excessively passionate, and reach a level of annoyance quicker than other kids.

Emotional control is the capacity to govern emotions to:

  • Reach goals

  • Finish duties or chores

  • Manage behavior

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Everything You Need To Know About Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

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Everything You Need To Know About Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Cognitive behavioral therapy, often referred to as CBT, is a therapy technique that can help you transform your behavior by altering your thought patterns. In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), you can learn how to identify and change harmful or alarming thought patterns that have a negative effect on your behavior and emotions. The automatic negative thoughts that you experience have a damaging impact on your mood. By engaging in behavioral counseling and becoming aware of negative thinking, you can respond to difficult situations more effectively and precisely.

Through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), your thoughts are:

  • Identified

  • Challenged

  • Replaced with more positive, practical thoughts

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Do You Understand Your Self-Esteem?

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Do You Understand Your Self-Esteem?

Simply, self-esteem refers to the complex mental states in which one views oneself. Self-esteem is the foundation for the construction of self-meaning, self-identity, self-image, and self-concepts. It is appreciation and likeness for yourself regardless of external factors.

There are numerous factors that can influence your self-esteem, including:

· Self-assurance

· Feeling of safety

· Identity

· Sense of belonging

· Feeling of capability

The evaluation of self that self-esteem permits is important to your mental and social welfare. Your self-esteem impacts your goals, personal dreams, emotional health, decision-making process, and social interactions with peers. Additionally, self-esteem impacts your motivation levels. Typically, if you have a high level of self-esteem, you have a healthy, optimistic view towards yourself which allows you to see your capabilities and can potentially encourage you to take on new obstacles. A high level of self-esteem can lead to advanced health and social behavior.

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5 Ways Exercise Benefits Your Mental Health

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5 Ways Exercise Benefits Your Mental Health

Typically, when you think of exercise, the physical benefits of movement immediately come to mind. It is known that regular exercise can help you:

  • Control your weight

  • Reduce your risk of diabetes

  • Lower your blood pressure

  • Increase your energy

In addition to these amazing advantages, did you know that exercise has psychological benefits as well?

Regular exercise has been proven to keep your memory sharp and ease symptoms of depression and anxiety. Lifestyle modifications are often used to improve quality of life and overall health, and exercise is no exception to these adjustments. Lifestyle changes that highlight moderate-intensity activity are the most beneficial. Additionally, the positive effects of movement on mental health encompass self-efficacy, social interaction, and distraction. Exercise has the ability to enhance your self-efficacy, also known as the belief in your capabilities. Movement can act as a form of social interaction in various ways. For instance, you may have a ‘workout buddy’ or you may engage in group classes. Lastly, exercise can act as a distraction from life stressors, giving you much needed time to mentally rejuvenate.

If you would like to learn about the mental health benefits of exercise, keep reading!

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The Top Reasons Why You Should Practice Mindfulness

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The Top Reasons Why You Should Practice Mindfulness

Do you need to clear your mind? Do you find it difficult to focus on one thing? If so, you might benefit from learning about mindfulness.

Mindfulness is our ability as humans to be fully aware and present of our current situations. When we are aware of where we are and what we are doing, it helps us not overreact or be overwhelmed by external circumstances. Regardless of your location or state of mind, mindfulness can help you center yourself and bring you back to a state of calmness. Everyone has access to mindfulness; you just need to know how to cultivate it.

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How Meditation Can Lead To Stress Reduction

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How Meditation Can Lead To Stress Reduction

As the COVID-19 pandemic is slowly coming to a halt and safety precautions are being lifted, people are returning to their pre-pandemic lives. The embrace of packed schedules can unfortunately create stress. A lot of people are feeling stressed during these times, particularly with work or school-related stress.

Some stressful life events may include:

  • Job loss

  • Starting a new job

  • Moving

  • Death of a loved one

  • Major illness or injury

  • Divorce

  • Marriage

  • Retirement

  • Transitioning to adulthood

  • Pregnancy

Broadly, stress can be described as a change that creates physical, emotional, or psychological tension. To help ease your worries, you can turn to meditation. Meditation is the active practice of training your concentration and awareness to achieve a clear and serene mental and emotional state.

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How to be Alone without Being Lonely

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How to be Alone without Being Lonely

As COVID-19 is coming to an end, everyone is adopting new changes yet again. While some people may be back in the office, others may be continuing to work remotely. People who were continuously surrounded by family or their ‘quarantine team’ for the past year and a half, may now be alone, getting back into the swing of a full-time schedule. Loneliness happens when you feel like your social and emotional needs are not being fulfilled. On the other hand, being alone can be a refreshing experience where you find much-needed serenity and solitude.

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Reflecting on Mental Health during the COVID-19 Pandemic

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Reflecting on Mental Health during the COVID-19 Pandemic

As the COVID-19 pandemic is slowly coming to a halt, people are finally resuming their pre-pandemic activities and busy schedules. While this requires an adjustment from the adopted “new” normal, many businesses are starting to boom again, and families and friends are being reunited. As society comes together to collectively battle the virus with mass vaccinations, an opportunity presents itself to reflect on how your mental health was impacted during quarantine and mandated social distancing. It is essential to understand personal reactions to the pandemic to conform to previous routines and re-enter society successfully.

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Anchor Therapy Is Expanding Counseling Services in Hoboken, NJ!

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Anchor Therapy Is Expanding Counseling Services in Hoboken, NJ!

At Anchor Therapy, we are currently accepting new clients and are now providing telehealth (video & phone) sessions for residents of New Jersey and New York as well as in-person sessions at our new office in downtown Hoboken, NJ! Anchor Therapy is a counseling center in Hoboken, NJ with psychotherapists specialized in helping children, teens, adults, and couples with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, trauma, substance abuse, addiction, identity, and life transitions.

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The Best Ways To Cope With Life Transitions

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The Best Ways To Cope With Life Transitions

Everyone experiences life transitions as they shift into a new chapter or role in their life. Some common examples are attending a new school, getting a new job, becoming a parent, getting married, losing someone, moving homes, opening a business, surviving a pandemic, and retiring. Since these life transitions are common and a lot of people experience them you may feel that you should be able to deal with it on your own since everyone else seems to. Just because others have experienced similar life transitions, it does not mean that it will be easy for you and you should not feel like you have to do it alone. In this blog I will discuss some common life transitions and how to cope with them. These coping tools can also apply to any life transition you are going through.

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How To Return To "Normal" With Post Pandemic Anxiety

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How To Return To "Normal" With Post Pandemic Anxiety

As we are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel with the COVID-19 pandemic some people are starting to experience anxiety about having to return to their “normal” life. Since the pandemic lasted over a year, a lot of people have adjusted to a new normal that they’re now comfortable with. Because we have been told to stay home more and physically socially distance from others, it has led to people spending more and more time with the family they live with and people in their quarantine bubble. A lot of people had the luxury of working from home or anywhere that they can get access to WiFi. This led many people to move to a new location since they could truly work from anywhere. Now that millions of Americans are getting vaccinated, businesses and people in general are starting to discuss how they will operate after the COVID-19 is no longer a high risk. The thought about returning to normal has caused many people to feel anxious about making this transition.

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How To Understand and Develop Boundaries in Relationships

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How To Understand and Develop Boundaries in Relationships

The word “boundaries” gets thrown around often. What even are boundaries? Simply put, boundaries are guidelines or limits that send others a clear message. Boundaries are important for establishing a healthy relationship. Some of your current relationships may be lacking some boundaries at this time. It is not impossible to establish new boundaries, however it will take work, determination, and respect. Creating boundaries with family and friends can be very difficult. You have had a certain relationship with these individuals for months or years, and making changes in relationships is not a simple task.

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WandaVision: How It Got The 5 Stages Of Grief Right

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WandaVision: How It Got The 5 Stages Of Grief Right

WandaVision is an amazing show that aired on Disney+ as part of the Marvel Universe. It is definitely a must watch show if you love Marvel films. The premise of the show is that Wanda is a character who has suffered from a lot of loss and trauma throughout her life. She then fell in love with her partner Vision who she planned to spend the rest of her life with. After Wanda suffered the loss of her twin brother, her partner Vision then died. Because this is part of the Marvel Universe, Wanda also has intense superpowers in which she has a hard time controlling. Her immense amount of grief brings Wanda through the 5 stages of grief throughout this show in a very realistic way. Anyone who has been through a loss can relate to what Wanda seems to be going through.

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The Most Important Things You Need To Know About Anger Management

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The Most Important Things You Need To Know About Anger Management

You may have found yourself wondering how to control your anger lately as your emotions have gotten more and more heated. Therapy is a great resource to help with anger management. Before trying therapy, you can try some tips on your own to help deal with your anger. Whenever you are dealing with big emotions, you need to give yourself the time and space to practice techniques that can help. While reading the tips below you should see which one works best for you since everyone’s different. Once you find what helps, you should practice it as often as you can so that it becomes a habitual coping mechanism.

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Senioritis vs Depression: How To Decode Your Teen

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Senioritis vs Depression: How To Decode Your Teen

The time of year is approaching when senior year teens in high school are anxiously waiting for their grade school years to end. Your teen may already know what college they are going to, they may be waiting to see what college(s) they get into, or they may be figuring out something different to do after graduation. The final countdown to the end of high school is quickly approaching which can be a very exciting time, but it can also lead to many emotions and sometimes issues. It could be hard to tell if your teen has a lack of motivation, is feeling depressed, and/or has senioritis. I am here to help talk you through some of the differences to look out for.

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Couples Counseling: 7 Types Of Relationships That Can Benefit From Therapy

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Couples Counseling: 7 Types Of Relationships That Can Benefit From Therapy

Are you feeling like you are growing apart in your relationship, bickering over small things, or just becoming more frustrated and impatient with one another? Are arguments occurring more frequently and more intensely?

All relationships experience arguments, but at times navigating through the conflict may seem more and more challenging. We find ourselves falling into communication cycles that we cannot seem to break out of and we don’t know what to do differently. On top of it, the pandemic is amplifying tensions and bringing out those underlying cracks in our relationship. We keep trying to struggle through it with our partners, but are finding ourselves feeling increasingly frustrated, angry and exhausted.

Whether your relationship could just use a tune up or you are feeling desperate for change, couples counseling can be the tool that helps get you what you need in your relationship. Seeking help earlier in the process is a benefit because unhealthy behaviors can be more difficult to change as time passes (but never impossible!). We all have behaviors we can work on and therapy can give us the opportunity to work on ourselves while also developing a better understanding of our spouse or partner(s).

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Sadness vs Depression: When To Get Help

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Sadness vs Depression: When To Get Help

We see a lot of clients who come in for therapy feeling unsure if they have a diagnosis of depression or if they’re just feeling a normal amount of sadness. There is a clinical way to diagnose depression and there are different degrees of a depression diagnosis: mild, moderate, and severe. You could also be experiencing a single episode of depression meaning that you have been experiencing these symptoms of sadness for 2 weeks-6 months. If you have been experiencing these symptoms for greater than 6 months then you would be diagnosed with a more long-term depression. The short answer here is that everyone could use the benefits that come from going to therapy. So even if you are feeling a normal amount of sadness and you don’t technically qualify for a depression diagnosis, you could still get a lot out of going to therapy. Counseling can help you feel more yourself and that you’re in a better place to take on the world.

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How LGBTQ+ Teens Benefit From Virtual Support Groups

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How LGBTQ+ Teens Benefit From Virtual Support Groups

Our LGBTQ+ Teen Group is our most popular support group for a reason. Most teens could use extra support from their peers to relate to and see that they are not alone in their struggles. Teens who identify as LGBTQ+ have a higher level of mental health issues and are in need of more support, acceptance, and guidance. When someone is questioning their identity, it is typically hard to know what to do about the possibility of coming out to others or how to process what they are feeling. Being in a group can help teens not only get support from likeminded peers, but it can also help them explore themselves more and find out who they truly are. A LGBTQ+ specific group provides the safe space needed to build a teen’s confidence.

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5 Things You Must Do Before This Year Ends

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5 Things You Must Do Before This Year Ends

The year 2020 will probably be known in future history books as one of the most challenging years to live through. Usually at this time of the year, people are reflecting on the past year and what is to come in the new year. While you are reflecting, you may think to yourself that you should accomplish some things before the year ends that you may not have checked off your list or had time to complete.

My overall answer as to what you must do before the end of the year is: NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. This year has taken its toll and your stress levels may be at an all time high. Hopefully you have some time off from work/school coming up that you can finally take some time to relax. You do not need to be productive at all times. It is actually more beneficial to take breaks and time off so that you can be at your highest level when you return. Don’t let anyone else make you feel like you should be productive at all moments of the day. You should never feel bad for relaxing. Relaxing can actually be purposeful and feel productive as well. Below are some tips on how to relax before the end of this year.

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Processing 2020 And Looking Forward Into The New Year

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Processing 2020 And Looking Forward Into The New Year

This previous year of 2020 has definitely been a tough one for just about everyone. It’s important to acknowledge that we made it through the year, and you are forging forward. Many people have experienced losses and challenges since the COVID-19 virus began. Those losses may have been the life of a loved one, a job, a business, a recent living environment, and major life events.

You may have had to postpone, reschedule, or cancel your wedding plans or a special celebration. Maybe you had a virtual party for a once in a lifetime event. Many of you had not planned to celebrate your birthday the way that you did this year. The number of trips you tried to plan and had to cancel is becoming too large to count on one hand. You had planned to switch jobs or were up for a promotion, and that was put on hold in March.

These losses and challenges may have created a lasting impression on you, and it’s okay to need assistance in processing these emotions. In order to move forward, it can be helpful to look back and process your emotions of the past year.