Scapegoating in Families, family counseling, Hoboken NJ therapist, Jersey City NJ therapist, hudson county therapist
Courtney Glashow
Understanding the Psychology of Scapegoating in ...

Scapegoating means that you are blaming a person or group for something bad that has happened or for something that someone else has done. Scapegoating typically occurs to protect the image of a person or family. In a family dynamic, a person may be used as the scapegoat to protect a more favored member in the family. While it is common for one person to be used as the scapegoat, it can happen to multiple people.

Scapegoating can occur in different environments, such as work, but it is most prominent in unhealthy family dynamics. In this case, scapegoating then tends to start in childhood when a child is blamed for all of a family’s dysfunction and problems. A scapegoat bears the burden of taking on the mistakes of a family or team. 

When children are assigned this role at a young age, it can wreak havoc on their mental health. A scapegoated child may not believe that they are inherently good, worthy, or lovable. Instead, they hear insults regularly, experience constant bullying, and even abuse and neglect. This leads to a low self-esteem, decreased self-confidence, and negative self-talk. 

Understanding the Psychology of Scapegoating in Families
toxic relationship, relationship counseling, couples therapy, hoboken therapist, jersey city therapist, marriage counseling, nj therapist, nyc therapist, premarital counseling
Courtney Glashow
How To Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship

When you are in a healthy relationship, it naturally functions well. Of course, like any couple, you may have disagreements from time-to-time or there may be some hard times, but you band together no matter what. You are able to make major life decisions together, discuss problems once they occur, and genuinely enjoy spending time with one another.

On the other hand, you have toxic relationships. In a toxic relationship, the ‘norm’ is feeling drained and unhappy after spending time with your partner. This should be a major red flag that some things need to change.

You may still love your partner, but the relationship does not seem enjoyable. Maybe minor issues turn into full-blown arguments or you always seem to provoke one another. It may even get so severe that you dread spending time with your partner instead of getting excited to see them, like you were in the past.

Continue reading this blog to see if your relationship is toxic, and some guidance on how to navigate a toxic relationship.

How To Tell If You’re In A Toxic Relationship
Intergenerational Trauma, trauma counseling, jersey city therapist, hoboken counseling
Courtney Glashow
Disney’s Encanto: How It Got Intergenerational ...

Disney has a way of exploring heavier life topics that can help children and the 2021 film Encanto is no exception. Movies like Inside Out and Soul also assist children in exploring heavier aspects of life, such as emotions, trauma, consciousness, and even death. Encanto joins the long list of children’s movies that have a deeper message.

Disney’s Encanto offers a multigenerational story about a grandmother and her family who have been endowed with magical gifts. The Madrigal family lives in a hidden village in Colombia. While each family member does their best to live up to their reputation and help others in the community, the facade slowly begins to crumble figuratively and literally in the house that all three generations share.
Not only do people love this movie because of its catchy soundtrack, including the famous song “We don’t talk about Bruno”, but people also love it because of its exploration of generational trauma.

Disney’s Encanto: How It Got Intergenerational Trauma Right
control issues, mental health blog, jersey city therapist, hoboken counseling
Courtney Glashow
7 Ways to Let Go of Control Issues

Do you have a hard time going with the flow? Do you have to follow a schedule or routine at all times? Do you try to control other people in your life? If you are dealing with control issues, it is likely that you feel like you must exert power over your life, relationships, and general environment. In some cases, this exertion of power may extend to the life of other people.

Control can simply be defined as exerting influence or power over the environment, actions, and behaviors of yourself or another person. There are many reasons why you may feel like you need to be in control, such as insecurities or fear of the unpredictable. At times, your need for control may become overwhelming and tiring, causing chaos in your career, relationships, and your overall quality of life.

7 Ways to Let Go of Control Issues
couples therapy, hoboken counseling, jersey city therapist, mental health blog, nyc counselor, relationship counseling
Courtney Glashow
8 Tips for Dealing With A Narcissist

While some people may be quick to throw the word “narcissist” around, it is important to remember that there is a distinction between someone being self-centered and unsympathetic, and someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Many people may have what doctors call narcissistic characteristics, such as feeling entitled or having a strong sense of self-importance. People who have narcissistic personality disorder may be challenging to deal with.

The first step to determine your dynamic with someone who you think is a narcissist is to know the difference between someone with narcissistic tendencies and someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

8 Tips for Dealing With A Narcissist

relationship counseling

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How to Cope With Empty Nest Syndrome

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How to Cope With Empty Nest Syndrome

When you become a parent, it can quickly become the main component of your identity. You may lose yourself while taking care of your children while balancing work and other life responsibilities at the same time. Many parents often regard parenthood as one of the most challenging yet meaningful things they will ever do.

As the saying goes, the days are long but the years go by fast. One day you may be potty training and, then you blink, and you are getting ready to send your teen away to college. For at least 18 years, your life has revolved around your child. You may have been in charge of carpools, making sure that your child gets to all of their extracurricular activities in a timely manner, or having to guide them with homework or additional school projects. Then, when your teen leaves for college or to the workforce, your day-to-day life instantly changes.

If you are going through this, please know that it is normal to feel loss or uncertainty when your child leaves. This may be an only child or your youngest. Whatever the case, your feelings are valid. The main objective of parenting is to raise a healthy young adult who can live life independent of you. While your child is taking on a major life transition, moving out of their childhood home or going to college, you should take pride in the fact that you did the best you could and your child will be okay. Even if you acknowledge the hard work and effort you put into parenting, you may still be struggling. This may be what we commonly refer to as empty nest syndrome.

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How To Know If It’s The Right Time To Move In With Your Partner

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How To Know If It’s The Right Time To Move In With Your Partner

So, you want to officially move in with your partner? Congratulations! Moving in together can be as equally scary as it is exciting. It is likely that you have witnessed your partner in their environment on their best behavior, but moving in together means that you will see all sides of a person every single day.

You may feel like you and your partner are practically living together at a certain point. You might stay over their place so often that you only run back to your apartment when necessary to grab the mail or some new clothes. It may seem like moving in together is a natural progression and the next step in your relationship.

Moving in together is an important milestone in any relationship since it is a true testament of your commitment to one another. It also provides you with an opportunity to see what a potential life together would look like. Living with your partner can be extremely rewarding and help you construct a foundation for a long-term relationship or even a marriage. Regardless of what your unique goals are for your relationship, it is crucial to approach the moving-in process in the right way.

Moving in together is a lot more than transferring some boxes filled with your belongings into a space. Together, you and your partner have to decide what stays and what goes, discuss how you will be splitting financial responsibilities of your new place, get mentally prepared to share a space with each other 24/7, and more!

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Ghosting: Why It Happens & How To Heal From It

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Ghosting: Why It Happens & How To Heal From It

At this point in time, it is likely that you have heard of the term “ghosting''.” When you are ghosted, it can be an incredibly difficult situation to process. You may not even know how to react or feel about the situation because the cause of the ghosting is unknown. This passive break-up strategy can leave you feeling upset, confused, angry, and/or embarrassed.

Ghosting is not a new phenomenon, but the introduction of dating apps can make it seem much more prevalent than ever before. It is important to understand that you are not alone, and many people have been ghosted before.

The truth is ghosting hurts, so there is no sense in pretending that it does not. You are a human being, and it is okay to feel however you feel about the situation. When you are ghosted, you are experiencing a previously good feeling turn into something negative. This disruption often comes without warning, so the typical human response is to feel shame. However, once you acknowledge your pain, you can take back your power and move on from the situation in a graceful manner.

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Is Breakup Counseling Right For Me?

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Is Breakup Counseling Right For Me?

Whether you are going through a sudden separation or a legal divorce, breakups can be difficult. Regardless of the relationship’s length, your current relationship status, and how much time has passed, breakups hurt and taking time to heal is necessary.

There is no set or correct amount of time to grieve your previous relationship. The amount of time it takes to heal varies from person-to-person. For instance, after a short-term relationship, you may find yourself feeling fine and ready to get back into the dating world within a few weeks. On the other hand, when a long-term relationship ends, such as a marriage, it may take years to feel okay again. Particularly when dealing with long-term relationships, there may be additional issues to manage, like the conclusion of shared friendships, financial issues, and custody problems.

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How to Cope With Dating Anxiety

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How to Cope With Dating Anxiety

If you are single and looking for a partner, chances are that you probably are familiar with the anxieties of dating. Generally, not many people like dating. When you are dating, you are meeting new people and you may feel scrutinized. You may even fear that you will do or say something to embarrass yourself.

The truth is putting yourself out there is hard. The thought of being vulnerable can be anxiety-provoking. However, for people who struggle with anxiety disorders, dating can be even more complicated and hard. For people with an anxiety disorder, the body responds differently than it would as a natural response to simply being nervous. This additional level of difficulty can make people with anxiety disregard dating altogether.

Dating can be a situation with many scary, unknown possibilities. There may be awkward small talk or other unknown factors, like if your date will show up or if you will get rejected. Eventually, this anxiety and shyness can lead to an avoidance of meeting new people. It can also lead to a sense of hopelessness about finding an acceptable partner and a sense of isolation.

If you struggle with social anxiety and have been going on dates or are even currently seeing someone, your experience might be affected by worry or panic attacks where the experiences are no longer enjoyable.

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How Do The Four Attachment Styles Impact Romantic Relationships?

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How Do The Four Attachment Styles Impact Romantic Relationships?

Have you noticed that you act certain ways in romantic relationships? Are you extremely confident and trusting your partner 100%? Or are you easily jealous and fear being alone for too long?

Whatever your thoughts and actions are surrounding romantic relationships, a possible explanation for them can be attachment styles. Attachment theories date back to the 1950s and, generally, pinpoint four primary attachment styles.

What are the four primary attachment styles?

The four attachment styles are as follows:

  1. Secure attachment

  2. Anxious-preoccupied attachment (sometimes referred to as ambivalent attachment)

  3. Avoidant-dismissive attachment

  4. Disorganized attachment

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5 Ways to Solve Common Relationship Problems

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5 Ways to Solve Common Relationship Problems

It is rare to have a completely perfect relationship. It is normal to hit a few bumps in the road. When you can spot these “bumps” ahead of time, you have a great chance of getting over them and not allowing them to detour your life.

There are many different ways that people react to problems in their relationships. Some people may feel angry or helpless while others may want to completely give up after a minor inconvenience. Then, there are other partners who are determined to make it work and will do whatever they can to fix the broken aspects of the relationship.

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8 Tips for Dealing With A Narcissist

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8 Tips for Dealing With A Narcissist

While some people may be quick to throw the word “narcissist” around, it is important to remember that there is a distinction between someone being self-centered and unsympathetic, and someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Many people may have what doctors call narcissistic characteristics, such as feeling entitled or having a strong sense of self-importance. People who have narcissistic personality disorder may be challenging to deal with.

The first step to determine your dynamic with someone who you think is a narcissist is to know the difference between someone with narcissistic tendencies and someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

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5 Reasons Why Marriage Counseling May Be Helpful for You

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5 Reasons Why Marriage Counseling May Be Helpful for You

At some point, every couple experiences conflict. From financial issues to constant bickering, there may be some cracks in your relationship. If your relationship is hitting a bump in the road, there is no reason to panic. In many instances, you may be able to fix these issues on your own. However, there may be a time when you feel that your problems get out of control and become hard to manage. In these situations, marriage counseling, also known as couples counseling, can be extremely helpful.

While couples counseling may only be seen as a resource for relationships in crisis, that is not always the case. In fact, many couples who are not experiencing any major issues find couples therapy to be helpful. They view therapy as a chance to get closer to their partner and get to know their loved one better. Marriage counseling provides couples with tools for healthier, more effective communication.

While falling in love can be an exciting and happy time, sustaining a marriage may have its obstacles. Whether the issues revolve around your partner working late nights or the stress of parenthood, many difficulties can occur in any relationship.

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Understanding the Five Love Languages to Improve Your Relationship

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Understanding the Five Love Languages to Improve Your Relationship

A crucial component of a healthy relationship is understanding how to express love to your significant other. Getting to know your partner may take some time. The more time you spend with them, the more you understand their personality, likes, dislikes, and hobbies. Even though you may know your partner well, it may still be difficult to find a meaningful method of communication that your partner resonates with, understands, and fulfills their emotional needs. Therefore, Dr. Gary Chapman, an American author, radio talk show host, and marriage therapist, devised the five love languages.

As a marriage counselor, Dr. Chapman worked with many couples throughout the years and, in the 1990s, he identified a trend amongst all of the couples’ arguments. During marriage counseling, many couples would express that they were trying their best, but their compliments, gifts, and/or gestures were going unnoticed. The other partner did not even notice the acts that they were supposed to be grateful for. Instead, they were hoping that their partner would do something that they could recognize and appreciate. Dr. Chapman realized that these breaks in communication and affection were rooted in different definitions of love.

Dr. Chapman found five distinct ways that people receive and showcase love. Generally, people have one to two languages that they prefer.

The five love languages are as follows:

  1. Quality Time

  2. Acts of Service

  3. Words of Affirmation

  4. Gift Giving

  5. Physical Touch

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4 Ways to Repair A Relationship After Infidelity

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4 Ways to Repair A Relationship After Infidelity

While infidelity is a big obstacle in a relationship, it can also be seen as an opportunity for positive growth and change. Infidelity does not mean that your relationship is over. Luckily, there are many ways to heal and construct a healthy relationship once again.

Trust is a crucial part of any relationship. Trust can be broken in many ways, from minor mishaps to big mistakes. Unfortunately, cheating can break a bond and your level of confidence in your relationship. Infidelity is not always like what we see in the movies and television shows. In other words, it is not always what we think. Many times, infidelity occurs due to a lack of emotional connection, not a lack of attraction.

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The 5 Major Causes for Divorce and How to Avoid Them

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The 5 Major Causes for Divorce and How to Avoid Them

You may feel as if your relationship has recently become a raw nerve. Every little thing is hitting that nerve and triggering an argument. You and your partner can not seem to get through a day without fighting. It feels absolutely exhausting. It may seem like there is no other option but to take time apart. You find you are walking on eggshells in fear of triggering the next disagreement. You both are growing further apart from one another.

Don’t lose hope yet- there may be a way to heal this raw nerve and decrease the frequency and intensity of arguments. Seeking out couples counseling and better understanding the risks for divorce can help you significantly shift the dynamics that have been occurring in your marriage. Identifying the common communication errors and working on minimizing them will make a positive change in how you relate to one another.

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How To Understand and Develop Boundaries in Relationships

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How To Understand and Develop Boundaries in Relationships

The word “boundaries” gets thrown around often. What even are boundaries? Simply put, boundaries are guidelines or limits that send others a clear message. Boundaries are important for establishing a healthy relationship. Some of your current relationships may be lacking some boundaries at this time. It is not impossible to establish new boundaries, however it will take work, determination, and respect. Creating boundaries with family and friends can be very difficult. You have had a certain relationship with these individuals for months or years, and making changes in relationships is not a simple task.

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5 Ways Marriage Counseling Can Get You Back on Track After Having a Baby

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5 Ways Marriage Counseling Can Get You Back on Track After Having a Baby

Having a baby is an exciting, scary, and all-consuming time in the lives of any couple growing their family. As a marriage counselor, it’s important to recognize that a new baby also brings a new set of challenges. If you start to feel like your marriage has taken a back seat to everything else life is throwing at you, it may be time to consider asking for help to get back on track.

Where there was once time for your partner and your own personal time, the schedule may now be packed with feedings, diaper changes, chores, and what seems to be an endless to-do list. When every moment of the day has to be scheduled and you add a global pandemic to the equation, connecting with your partner could unknowingly fall to the bottom of the priority list.

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The Anxiety and Uncertainty of Planning a Wedding during a Pandemic

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The Anxiety and Uncertainty of Planning a Wedding during a Pandemic

The COVID-19 pandemic has left many Brides with feelings of uncertainty. If you are planning a wedding during this pandemic, those moments of uncertainty are likely magnified with feelings of anxiety, fear, and frustration. So many Brides and couples planning weddings right now are struggling to manage the planning process. As a psychotherapist, I can give you some tools that can be used to help you cope with the stress of planning.

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How Defenses Get In The Way Of Healthy Communication In Relationships

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How Defenses Get In The Way Of Healthy Communication In Relationships

When it comes to communicating as a couple, you may find that you or your partner’s defense mechanisms are getting in the way of healthy communication. This may lead to what feels like constant fighting and a fractured relationship. Defense mechanisms in a relationship can be really dangerous. This often looks like yelling, giving the silent treatment, eye rolling, making excuses, justifying behavior, or being sarcastic. These reactions will arise when you are in a conflict in your relationship and you begin to feel hurt, sad, or angry and your self-esteem is being threatened. These cycles can leave you feeling helpless; however, healthy communication is absolutely possible. By changing your subconscious cues, you can begin to break the cycle of fighting and create healthier communication.

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Anchor Therapy Is Expanding Counseling Services in Hoboken, NJ!

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Anchor Therapy Is Expanding Counseling Services in Hoboken, NJ!

At Anchor Therapy, located in Hoboken, NJ, we are currently accepting new clients and are now providing telehealth (video & phone) sessions for residents of New Jersey and New York.

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How To Support Your LGBTQ+ Teen

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How To Support Your LGBTQ+ Teen

Your pre-teen and teenage years are filled with time of exploring the world and how you fit in it. Identity becomes a huge topic of exploration for most teens. Your teen may be contemplating anything from as simple as their future career goals up to their gender identity or sexual orientation. This is typically a time that you may find your teen to come out to you by identifying as being a part of the LGBTQ+ community. As a parent, no matter how accepting you are, this may come as a surprise to you and it may take some time to process. Once you have processed this new information, you can then take some extra steps to support your teen as they navigate their new identity and grow into an adult.

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Tips and Tools to Improve Communication with your Partner through COVID-19

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Tips and Tools to Improve Communication with your Partner through COVID-19

When it comes to improving communication in a relationship, it takes more than just talking more to your partner. It is the way you speak, what you say, what they hear, and much more. As previously discussed, healthy and meaningful communication is built in many ways. One of the biggest issues that couples come across when communicating is oversimplifying it to the belief that one person talks and the other listens. Sure, in some way this is true, but communicating is an active skill and both the speaker and person listening need to be engaged and attuned.

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Communicating with Your Partner through COVID-19

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Communicating with Your Partner through COVID-19

As a couple’s therapist, the most common issue I see among couples is a breakdown in communication. This does not mean that they are unable to communicate, but that their communication no longer makes them feel connected. In a relationship, we all want to feel heard, seen, and understood. This often gets lost in translation, and is even more difficult to repair under the current circumstance. While many are spending more time than ever together during the pandemic, healthy and effective communication can take a back seat to external stressors. It can be hard not to get caught up in talking about the basics: work, kids, to-do lists and so on. If you are looking to improve communication with your partner, you may need to challenge yourself to do something different and outside of your comfort zone. A strong and fulfilling relationship needs a strong foundation, and that foundation is almost always built on healthy communication. In this first blog of a two-part blog series, I will discuss two key types of communication that couples have and the common problems that may arise for each.